If you walked into your house and there was a big mess on the floor, you'd be none too pleased, I bet. We tend to try to avoid messes and get really irritated when they land in our lap.
Say Dude believes in traditional roles and thinks you should do all the cleaning and feels free to leave his dirty dishes in the sink for you to take care of. Not only would you be upset, but you would attempt to avoid that happening again.
This is not gender specific. Dudes hate messes, too. Except most of them would rather clean up a whole kitchen full of dishes than to deal with an emotional mess.
You ever hear the old saying about not having a war of wits with the unarmed? Dudes aren't stupid, but they're generally not as emotional as we are, and that's exactly what you're doing when you continually try to talk "feelings."
If you decide to write him the proverbial ten-page letter, single spaced, front and back, detailing every grievance he has ever committed, how much it hurt you, how it made you feel and what he should do to redeem himself, honey, he's going to make it through the first two sentences before his eyes glaze over and it's tossed aside.
When it comes to talking about emotions, many many kind, sweet, understanding Dudes of Wonder think "mess" and run for the hills and you've defeated your purpose.
So what are we to do? Keep our mouths shut and let them do whatever they want? Ooooooh, now you know me better than that. What helps is if we communicate in a manner that they will listen.
Did you ever see a TV show where someone has propped a bucket of water on top of the door and when the next person walks through, it will land on their head? Would you walk through that door? Dude won't. If he knows you're standing on the other side of the door with a sledge hammer of emotion ready to hit him in the head, he's NOT walking through your door.
If he knows you're going to be sitting there wanting to talk issues, talk emotions, many times, Dude will not be interested in coming over. Instead, you welcome him in, pick a nice activity such as lunch or a walk. You can talk and walk at the same time, can't you?
Second of all, ditch the 20 page script. What is it that you really want? If you give a child five instructions, they are only able to retain and perform two of those. You simply can't expect any more. If you give Dude 20 demands, he's only going to hear one or two of them, and after hearing the other 18, get resentful.
So figure out what it is that you really want to get across. If you want him to improve his calling skills, don't say, "Look, you unappreciative pencil-neck geek, I thought we were going out last Saturday and I sat here and you didn't call -- just the same as you did last Tuesday, and by the way, last summer you looked at that other girl and called my Mama Uncle Earl and" . . . .
Instead, say, "I think our plans for Saturday sound great. Could you call and confirm so I don't get hung up?"
Of course if Inconsiderate Dude still blows you off after a couple gentle reminders, you have a bigger problem cause --- well, he's Inconsiderate Dude.
As far as the e-mail, it doesn't matter how much you regurgitate into it. It doesn't matter that you have convinced yourself that he NEEDS to know this. He does not NEED to know it, and in fact, he won't know it. Less is more here. You want to be heard. You don't want to be saying, "You need to let me know what's going on, Dude, because I waited and waited in my pretty pink shoes and you didn't call," and have him hearing Charlie Brown's teacher, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, Dude, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
Remember, guys have emotional ADD -- or the attention span of a gnat.
Do yourself a favor, when it comes to emotions, save your energy and do it in a way that will do you more harm than good. Less is more. And when it comes dishes, hire yourself a maid.