Oh! The Men You Will Meet -- With Sincerest Apologies To Dr. Seuss
Repost from 2007 per request.
With sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss and his book "Oh! The Places You'll Go":
OH! THE MEN YOU WILL MEET!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to meet men!
Perhaps a roll in the hay!
You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself toward
any man that you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide who will come and go.
You'll look up and down men. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
why do you insist on picking that no-good cheat?
And the good, you may not find any
you'll want to go with.
In that case, of course,
you'll discover Prince Charming a myth.
So keep yourself open and out there
because out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And if bad things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
If you just keep moving and keep your head up
good things will start happening too.
OH!
THE NEW MAN YOU HAVE MET!
You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You make love all day
and never have fights!
He won't lag behind, because he'll have the speed.
He'll give you attention, and all that you need.
Whatever he does, he's the best of the best.
The man of your dreams, he will top all the rest.
Except the day that he stops, without a word
And you're left wondering, isn't this absurd?
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that jerks really can happen
to nice girls like you.
You can get all hung up
and left in the lurch
wondering how this did happen
after all your research.
You'll come down from the lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a slump.
And when you're in a slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You'll meet a new man, maybe Tom, Dick or Mark
But you'll be so confused, cause your heart is still dark.
Do you dare to go out? Should you stay in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go out, this time will it be right?
Will he be the one, or maybe, not quite?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for someone who's been burned
to make up her mind.
You can get so confused
that your heart will start to race
down a long dark road at a break-necky pace
it seems to drag on forever that weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a man to come or to go
or the e-mail to come, or the tears not to flow
or the phone to ring, or just an answer to know
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
like waiting for your hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for morning, in the middle of the night
or waiting in what feels bitter cold, oh, you're a sight
or waiting around, this just doesn't feel right.
or waiting, perhaps, for a guy named Jake
or a pot to boil, or a better break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wish to come true, just one more chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where your long lost friends are playing.
With your shoes flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're open to a new guy!
Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you will feel when you do get that call
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
My, you'll be popular, as popular as can be,
everyone will want you, all the men that you see.
Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
the fears in your mind will scare you
right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
with jerks on the prowl
On you will go
walking with a scowl.
Onward and alone
feeling quite bleak,
though your heart may get sore
and your soul may get weak.
On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange men as you go.
So be sure when you step
step with care and great tact
and remember that life's
a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
THEN, YOU WILL MEET HIM!
So...
be his name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you've finally met him!
Today is your day!
Your man is waiting,
he loves you,
this one will stay!