No, no gratis trips to the Eiffel Tower.  I speak of none other than L.A.'s very own heiress, Paris Hilton.  It seems after three grueling days, she is out of jail and is free -- if you don't count her 40 days of house arrest.  

 
I dunno about you, but being forced to stay home without having to work, shop, cook or clean, three meals a day and peace and quiet in a luxurious atmosphere, in my household, that's called a VACATION in a five star hotel.
 
Kind of reminds me of the time a few years ago when I heard Mariah Carey had been hospitalized for exhaustion.  I imagined the laugh I would have gotten if I -- sleep-deprived single mother, no child support, working two jobs at the time plus doing volunteer work -- would have shown up at the hospital door saying, "Excuse me, but I'm reeeaaaalllly tired."
 
I will admit to having had very mixed feelings about this whole Paris/celebrity/jail thing.  First of all, there is never an excuse for driving drunk, not even one inch. It's absolutely, positively atrocious behavior.  Her subsequent crimes, not attending the assigned classes and driving on a suspended license, irresponsible and being hit by the stupid stick - things that people do every day - avoidance.
 
Now we throw another thing into this odd equation, it's L.A.!  Things are different here.  We have killers who go free because they can afford the best of representation and yet others who are held to a higher degree of punishment merely for committing the heinous crime of being rich and famous.  In my opinion, Paris fell into this latter category.
 
However, that being said, it's fact that had you or I been under the same circumstances, committed the same crime, we would have been sentenced to two or three days in jail.  But for some reason, Paris is no O.J., no Robert Blake, and she must be punished and held up as an example and ostracized for no other reason than being young, beautiful, enormously rich and famous in L.A.
 
I have been appalled each time I have seen Paris's situation referred to on one of the late night shows or the MTV Movie Awards the other night. Everyone cheers profusely????  I kept thinking how surreal it is. 
 
After all, these are the same people who would cheer and celebrate someone who just completed their fifth stint in rehab as if they were a conquering hero who just returned from their third tour of duty in Iraq. 
 
Now the word on the street is, Paris's shrink was at the jail for a couple hours with her attorney yesterday and there are some medical reasons for her early release.  Well, duh, jail would irritate the hell outta me, too.  That food alone would be enough to drive me nuts.
 
But in this psychic's opinion (and extensive experience in the L.A. law scene), I strongly suspect there was a bit of coercion on the part of Team Paris regarding the media circus and possible lawsuit.  In the end, they found a reasonable enough excuse to allow the L.A. Sheriff's Department to save face to the public and allow Ms. Hilton a punishment more commensurate with what Ms. Everywoman would receive (house arrest in luxurious setting notwithstanding).
 
If Paris can now pull the lesson from this and go forward in a positive manner, then I say, Paris, go run, be free.  Who can dislike a woman who can take the best mugshot in the history of L.A.?