Do you have a large pink elephant walking around in your living room that everyone is tiptoeing around?  No, you're not in the Land of Misfit Toys, this is your life. 

 

When problems go unresolved in relationships, things won't get any better.  In fact, the elephant will just grow and grow until it takes up the entire room, and in fact, the entire relationship.  Problems need to be talked out and worked out in order to survive and be healthy.
 
I have one client that calls me, and she carries so much anger for her dude because they have a problem that he refuses to even acknowledge.  She can talk, she can argue, but whenever she does, he suddenly turns deaf mute.  
 
Acknowledging problems and working on them makes him uncomfortable, so Deaf Mute Dude just refuses to do it.  He thinks that by letting her talk, that will make her feel better.
 
The next day, he is astonished that things haven't just turned magically delicious along with his breakfast cereal.  Why is she still angry with him?
 
Because the pink elephant just grew spots, fluorescent ones.
 
So how does your relationship with Dude travel from the land of make believe to a place that we call reality?  I often tell my clients, "We can't make Dude do anything he doesn't want to do."
 
If you've been beating your head against the wall trying to make this work, maybe you should just stop and realize that you, singlehandedly, cannot make it work.  I guarantee you at least your head will feel better, and he'll enjoy the silence -- at least momentarily.
 
Think calmly and rationally about what you really want, and what it's worth to you.  Once you've got your head back on straight, go to dude and talk to him, sincerely and calmly.  Tell him what you really need and want and how you feel instead of spewing at him and making him shut down.   
 
If Dude still doesn't care, to be very frank, we can't make him.  And maybe it's time to evaluate whether you're just barking up the wrong elephant.