The Best Little Girl In The World -- YOU!
Due to several requests, I'm reposting this blog from several months ago.
How could he not love you? After all, you are the most beautiful, the most loving, the nicest, kindest and most generous woman in the whole wide world!
Think of all you've done for Mr. Dude. You make yourself available every time he calls, even if your job or friendships suffer. You build his ego and constantly tell him how wonderful he is. You cook for him. You buy him little gifts. You send him loving notes. You let him know that he is stud of the world, a man among men, and only his joy stick can satisfy your playstation. Perhaps you're even giving him money or supporting him.
You've turned yourself into quite the gymnast doing all those back bends. You've become so proficient at jumping through burning hoops, you're considering supplementing your income by hiring yourself out as a circus dog.
And yet . . . you're not getting the result you desire. The Dudling is not recognizing the wonders of you like he did in the beginning, so you, sweet little Dudette, decide to step it up and do more.
But it seems instead of helping, you're becoming more anxious, more fearful, more angry and downright resentful. After all you've done for Dude, not only is he not appreciative, but he seems to be pulling away from you. Doesn't he owe you after all you've done for him?
Now stay with me here and keep breathing. The answer is no, he owes you absolutely nothing.
And why is that, my little stalker chick? Because he never asked for ANY of it. You did it all by yourself. In fact, it may be making him not only feel bad, but emasculated and decidedly undude-like.
I mean sure, the first hundred e-mails were cute and charming, but for every one he answered, you sent 20 more. Woe is you at this point if you should send him a message that actually needs an answer, because your cute little cards and letters have ceased to be special or cute, and he's considering sending your mail to its own very special folder. I think he called it SPAM.
Why, oh, why? You're doing too much.
Let's look at it this way: Do you like it when you owe people? What if someone loaned you some money and they kept accruing interest so fast that you couldn't keep up with it?
Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable about it and them? Natural human tendency is to avoid that which makes us feel bad. So do you really honestly want him to feel like he owes you?
Let's use another example. It's Christmas and you have a choice between spending it with your Aunt Alberta or your Aunt Cementine.
Aunt Alberta sends you $1000 every year. She loves you desperately and she makes sure you know how much she misses you and lives for your visits. She's been so great to you, but it seems you just can't do enough for her, and you know if you don't go see her, she will cry; and if you do, it still won't be enough.
Aunt Clementine never sends you a damn thing. She loves you lots, and would be absolutely delighted to see you. But really, she's too busy having a good time to cry if you don't show up. Aunt Clementine is happy and busy, and you can walk in the door with a present, or just bring yourself, and she'll be delighted to see you and you know you'll have a great time.
Who would you rather visit? And who would you rather be, an Aunt Alberta or an Aunt Clementine?
So my best advice to you? STOP. CEASE. DESIST. N-O-W.
Stick with me here. No, you didn't hear the phone just ring and that unknown caller wasn't him, just a telemarketer. And even if it was, it wouldn't hurt you not to be available. In fact, it might even be a good idea to be busy -- for real even.
Let him do some work. That's what you wanted in the first place anyway. If you change your behavior, his will change, too. With the dudes of the species, actions speak louder than -- well, than your pointing at everything you've done and making him feel like an unappreciative dolt.
Think of it as your Universal Metamucil. If you want regularity from his end, then you have to stop overcompensating and start putting in an equal amount from yours.