"It's Too Late to Apologize, It's Too Late!"** Sorry, I've got that song running through my head.
One of the frequent questions I get from the female of the species is, "Doesn't he realize what he did!!!!!"
So I take a look and find, yep, Mr. Dude-Gone-Wrong indeed does know that he made a boo-boo of monumentous proportions, that he stepped in a pile so large he almost drown in it. Not only that, but he fully intends to make it better.
So here you sit, waiting for him to come crawling back on his belly like the snake he is, acknowledging his culpability and abject sorrow -- waiting, waiting, till you need a visit to the emergency room for stitches from biting your tongue.
Finally, Mr. Romance (aka Mr. Is-The-Coast-Clear?) comes forth, bearing gifts yet. He says, "Hello, Darling. My, you're looking beautiful today! I brought you these roses which pale next to your beauty!" (Yes, it's corny, but under circumstances as drastic as these, one can never overdo!)
Expecting you to swoon, flutter your eyelashes and beam at him in appreciation for his romantic gesture, instead, your face turns as red as the roses the dolt is holding, you make a gutteral sound as if he had pierced your heart with the thorns, and your eyes bulge at him as if he was strangling you. He briefly considers calling 911 to report your seizure, until he realizes, to his horror, that this most unattractive display is directed at him!
You, my dear, have just been hit by (insert echo effect here) "THE MANPOLOGY!"
While he's wondering what he could have possibly done wrong now, you're wondering how he could be so incredibly stupid.
Where did it all go so wrong? Let's rewind this scenario a bit.
He calls and suggests a movie. You are imagining a night out at your favorite restaurant, followed up by cuddling and crying together at the latest chick flick.
Instead, Mr. Dude walked into your house with a six-pack and a DVD of Terminator, The Final Frontier, Part 27, whose only redeeming feature is a momentary glimpse of the reigning California Governor's bare ass.
You are rendered speechless in your disappointment and remain mute. He finds it an incredibly peaceful and enjoyable evening.
The next morning, Dude wakes up from his run-in with the stupid stick and realizes that your whimpering during the movie wasn't in response to the fact that 60-year-old men with political aspirations shouldn't be bearing their bums, and that he must have somehow offended you.
Determined to make things right -- whatever his crime against humanity was -- he goes into the first phase of Manopoly.
Now please be aware that Dude does care -- although in the first phase, you will doubt this fact -- or he would never even mess with a Manpology.
Phase I - He becomes very very busy. It can be work, friends, family, neighbors, even his cousin's neighbor's mother's dog. It doesn't matter the reason, he's incredibly busy. I call this the "Is it safe to go back in the water" phase.
When he next contacts you, if he hears the Jaws theme playing in the background, he's still busy for a bit.
Now you also have to realize, dude is not one who lives in the past, or likes to rehash bad memories (umm, mainly ones he caused). Instead, let's make the future better.
Phase II - This is where the flowers and compliments come in. He's going to be really really nice, showing you how considerate he is and how much he loves you. And he's also holding his breath that it will work and you won't want to have a "talk."
Now unfortunately for dude, you want to "discuss" it to death. You want to make sure he knows exactly how you "feel" and apologizes appropriately.
And voila, you end up with a misunderstanding the size of New Jersey.
So what's up? What do we do with the Manpology?
First off, understanding is half the battle. Let's narrow the distance between Mars and Venus.
Dude is making an attempt to make things better, which does mean he knows something is wrong, and his taking steps to make it better is an apology.
I know it isn't in the manner you'd prefer, but when you pop it in the Mars-Venus translator, it all comes out the same.
** Song "Apologize" by Timbaland