When Yes Means No And No Means Yes

Oh, poor poor Dude of Wonder.  You've upset her, and you don't know what to do -- you don't even understand what you did in the first place.

You tried to make it better, but she told you to go away.  So you did exactly as she said, and you can't understand why she got madder.

Psst, Dude, want to know a secret?  In this particular case, no meant yes. When she told you to go away, you weren't supposed to.  You were supposed to be so overcome with the thought that you could have possibly upset this delicate little flower, you just couldn't live with yourself. You must chase her down, pull her back in, and explain how you were hit by the stupid stick and apologize, complete with an explanation of your transgression and blood promise that you will never do it again. 

But wait, how do you do that when you really don't have a clue what you did wrong?  Awww, my poor poor dudling.  Remember that old rule you were taught when you were little -- if you catch fire, stop, drop and roll?  Dude, something's definitely on fire, and here's the new rule:  stop, think, and listen.

What was happening just before the mood changed drastically?  Taking into consideration that you're a dude and may have been totally unaware for a bit that she was upset, you may have to think back a bit, too.  Undoubtedly, she will have said something to give you a hint.  You may have to weed through the statements such as, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you," but there will be some little nugget in there.  Did you forget a date, mention an ex, tease her about the fact that her feet reminded you of Big Foot?

A strong warning I can give you is do NOT use humor at this point when she's upset.  That corny joke that would normally make her giggle is now going to make her even madder, or if she's crying, she'll cry harder.  It will feel to her that you are trivializing her feelings, which will only dig you deeper in that dude hole you've dug yourself into. 

If you still can't figure out what you've done, apologize for everything you've ever said and done, including breathing, or you'll be unable to move on to the next step -- which is overcompensation!  If she's that upset, a simple, "Sorry I was an idiot," isn't going to do it.  You will be suffering as long as she is, so it's time for flowers or special surprises and extra everything.  Think of it as extra whipped cream with a cherry on top.

Your love wants to feel just that, loved and cherished.

How to tell when no really means no and you're fighting a losing battle, at least for the moment?  That's an easy one. 

First, if it's a matter of personal space, aka any sort of sexual contact, if she says no, that means N-O.  Back off, dude.

If it's a matter of you've made her so mad that she isn't ready for you to even breathe the same air as her, you'll know it.  If she starts screaming if you try to get within ten feet of her, listen.  This is no time to stop, think and listen.  It's time to run and give her some space.  If you try to push yourself on her at this point, Mt. Vesuvius will erupt, and I can guarantee you, you will never forget getting burned by that hot lava. 

I think the most important thing to remember is every couple encounters bumps in the road and has disagreements and fights.  In the long run, if you're willing to work through them, you will have a stronger, closer relationship. 

Only the test of fire makes the finest steel.