~ Are You Attracting NEGATIVE Relationships Into Your Life ?? ~
When do you say "enough is enough, I'm done!" in regards to your relationship?
Ok,
many of us have this issue with regards to our love relationships and
even our friendships. When do you know, it is time to let go? Well,
first & foremost you must make sure you are not reacting
emotionally, shooting from the hip so to speak. If you find yourself
often excusing your lover or friends hurtful behavior, you must look
within to see what part of you is attracting this behavior?
I know,
you don't always get what you deserve, that is not what I am talking
about here. I am talking about a relationship where you are constantly
being hurt, either by words or actions. You tend to convince yourself
that somehow you deserve this or brought this behavior out in the other
person, so you forgive. Only to have this behavior repeated over and
over again!
I speak of the importance of forgiveness often, but in
this case your consistent forgiveness may actually be a behavior that
we could call "enabling" the other's hurtful behavior to continue. Say
your lover says he will call, but days go by and he/she hasn't called.
So you, call them and ask why didn't you call? They reply with an angry
defensive respone, making you feel like you are demanding and needy.
Stop right there. Is that happening to you now, in your realtionships?
Now,
are you really needy or demanding? NO! Remember, they told you they
would call! Somehow, their behavior starts you on a self doubt ride,
and you begin to think, maybe I am being too demanding, maybe I should
just let it go, this time. Are you letting it go because it is
excusable or because you are fearful of losing them in your life if you
push your point? Think about this and be honest within yourself and to
yourself about this!
Perhaps there is a bit of truth in you being a
bit demanding, but there is also truth in them not doing what they said
they would in the first place! When they don't call, you become
insecure and then appear needy. If they had called you like they said
they were going to, you would not have that insecurity surface. So, I
say this to you. A few times of forgiveness is acceptable and normal,
none of us are perfect. I am not talking about a few occurences, I am
talking about a regular pattern of this occurring. You must begin to
see your part in this pattern of behavior. Everytime you allow this to
be acceptable, you are inviting the same behavior back to be displayed
and acted out again. There is such a fine line between accepting down
falls of another and actually enabling the negative behaviors &
actions of another. Holding people accountable for their choices and
behaviors must be put into action if you want to see change. Define the
rules, and define your boundaries. What do you find unacceptable, what
do you find excusable? Sure we all make mistakes, however the
difference is that when we make mistakes, we acknowledge them and take
responsibility for them. We make our apologies and ask for forgiveness,
and WE BECOME AWARE AND SHOW SINCERE EFFORT TO NOT REPEAT THE BEHAVIOR
AGAIN!
That is a defining behavior you must look for. When
someone offends or hurts you, do they accept responsibility, ask for
forgiveness and show sincere effort of trying to correct their
behaviors? OR do they say they are sorry, only to do the same behavior
days later? This is where your boundaries come into play.
Is your
relationship one that has you always forgiving what seems to be the
same old negative behaviors over & over again? If you answer yes,
you must realize you are inviting this behavior to continue by
forgiving and allowing it to be repeated with no consequences .
Boundaries
are necessary for your self esteem and your self respect! When we
allow others to continously mistreat us, we are an active participant
in the situation. We are allowing others to hurt us. We are inviting
them to hurt us.
Take a look at your relationships, do you stand up for yourself? Do you have enough self respect to demand respect from others?
Relationships of all kinds have there ups & downs, that is the nature of them.
However,
healthy relationships are a two way street of respect, forgiveness,
thoughtfulness and love. If you find yourself today realizing you are
an enabler in your tumultous realationship. take control. Define your
boundaries of acceptable behaviors and unacceptable behaviors. Now
define the consequences for the unacceptable ones. Hold your
partner/friend accountable. Staying in a relationship that is you
always giving positive things like love, trust, compassion, forgivenss,
understanding, etc, only to receive negative behaviors in return on a
regular basis, this is an unhealthy relationship for you. You are not
going to change this persons behaviors by forgiving them, tolerating
them and always excusing them. You are only going attract more of the
same into your life.
Everyone of us deserves to be respected and
shown love. Accepting less then that is not acceptable! Increase your
self esteem, your self love, your self respect, your self worth! Do not
allow others to consistantly mistreat you in the name of LOVE or
FRIENDSHIP. You have the power to stop these relationships from being
in your life. Do not allow the fear of being without them stop you,
because with them treating you this way regularly, you would be better
off without them. If you allow fear to control your relationships, you
will attract more people like this into your life. Do you ever wonder
why you seem to always attract "this type of guy/gal"? If you tolerate
these behaviors, you will only attract people who display these
behaviors.
If you want someone who will treat you with respect and
love, demand it from the people in your life. Treat yourself with
respect & love first and foremost. When you do that, you will be
sending out the messages & energies that will attract similar
energies, similar people. Define how you will allow yourself to be
treated and accept nothing less, no matter who the person is. You can
not allow others to treat you unacceptably and have self respect, this
is impossible!
I know there is a fine line we all walk between
forgiveness and enabling, but I do know too that with close examination
of the relationship we can uncover which side of the line we really are
standing on.
Self love & Self respect are key in having
healthy relationships and the keys to attracting quality people into
our lives. Do not allow others to consistently offend and hurt you.
Stand on the line, and realize you do not want to be the enabler
anymore. You want only happy & healthy relationships in your life.
You are in charge of this, only you can allow & invite others into
your life. Accept nothing less then respect from anyone you allow into
your life.
Light & Love Today & Always :)
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