There's an internal rule that absolutely guarantees unnecessary suffering. Do you think you know what it is? Do you think you have it? Here's a picture that illustrates it. See if you can figure it out by looking at it:
Chickadees never stand their ground. They always give ground. But this little watermelon dish half filled with black sunflower seeds must have been quite a temptation. Because even though the homely cardinal kid in the dish is glaring - the Chickadee isn't giving an inch. These birds are both acting surprisingly human.
You see, just below that railing there's a cup of the very same kind of seeds on the floor of the deck. There's plenty of food for everyone. It's all spread out, no one has to get in anyone's personal space. And normally the birds, large and small leave the rail easily to go to the deck floor where there's no conflict, just the pleasure of eating.
Have you figured out the rule yet? It's a simple one. Here's a rule to hold close to your heart any time you want to be sure that you're as unhappy as much of the time as possible.
I'm not happy unless I get what I want.
(especially if all you ever want is more than you can afford!)
Some people think everyone is unhappy if they're not getting what they want. Nope. The most successful people in the world, in every kind of endeavor have a different rule.
I'm happy whether I get what I want or not.
If I don't get what I want, I'll do something else I'll enjoy instead.
Say a man pulls back for three months. He's not made a commitment yet, but you know HE's the one you want. Typically, that makes you a very unhappy girl for three months. Nothing makes a woman's skin as ugly as smoking cigarettes. Nothing makes a woman's expressions as ugly as being unhappy. Ouch!
On the other hand, some girls say, "You know what, if he's my Mr. Right, I can flirt and dance and have a blast with anyone I want to and when he gets back, he'll still want me. But if he's not my Mr. Right, then either I'll find someone I like even better while I'm dancing, or when he gets back he'll be upset cause I wasn't a good little chump waiting for him for three months without a commitment. In which it's a blessing to be dumped by that ass!" Well maybe they don't say every word of that, but you know what I mean. :)
Win - win. If I get what I want, I win.
If I don't get what I want I win.
One last example. My daughter Christie LOVES her job. She works in oil and gas - LOVES IT. She makes good money, gets good perks and has a good boss. What's not to love. But it IS the oil and gas industry. It can and most likely will fall right out from under her about the same time Bush leaves office. I wanted to prepare her so she'd be happy with the job or without it.
I said "Well you could sell cars and make good money. If you sell expensive cars you'd also be in a good spot to meet men of means." No, spoiled brat, she doesn't want to have a job where she has to dress up. She wants to wear sandals, shorts and cute tops. Pretty girl. I can understand that. :) So what we settled on is her getting a job at a high end boat sales place on the lake. Lots of money, men of means, sandals, shorts, cute tops that cost $250. Yeah. That works!
It won't completely stop her from missing her oil and gas work or her buddies at first, but it will sure enough be interesting, fun, healthy and keep her in the style she's become accustomed to.
That's the power of having a simple little rule like:
"I'm going to be happy whether I get what I want or not."
It won't prevent grief at the death of a loved one. But it will make losing a thing, a job, or a potential new boyfriend to the changing tides of time a hundred times easier after you've made it a habit.
What's your rule?
[photo and win-win rule © lollie dot com]
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