The following are actual winning analogies
in the "worst
analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest
~ ~ ~
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood
with picket fences that resembled David Letterman's teeth.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only
come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and
now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers
of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole
in it.
The little boat gently drifted across
the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
She caught your eye like one of those
pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would
fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
From the attic came an unearthly howl.
The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation
in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 5:00 p.m. instead of 9:30 a.m.
Her hair glistened in the rain like
nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles
with big black dots in the center.
He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch
tree.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she
knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be burried in the credits
as something like "Second Tall Man."
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed,
like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were
like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much
like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during
the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making
and breaking alliances like underpants in a drier without "Cling-Free."
The red brick wall was the color of
a brick-red crayola crayon.
Nervous as a nine-tailed cat
in a room fulla rockin' chairs?