The Road Less Traveled: Reacting with Love and Compassion
When we are hurt by another, it's easy to be petty. Why not give that person a taste of his/her own medicine? Why not punish that person for what he/she has done? Why do you even owe them your forgiveness and compassion? They hurt you! You are the victim in all of this! Right? WRONG! Children throw tantrums, adults seek to find personal resolution and Spirit, most importantly, learns the lesson from the experience while finding both forgiveness and compassion for the other party.
I had a recent event with my current boyfriend that could have turned ugly had I not remained grounded in the moment, listened to my intuition and came from an open-hearted perspective. Instead of using my fears, I chose to use Spirit to guide me through the process. Because I feel it's important to understand that I am only human, I want to share this experience with you:
I found out recently that my boyfriend had been engaging in sexual flirting with a woman whom he dated before me. They were never serious. In fact, when he and I were just friends I remember them having the "There is no future" conversation over and over again. He wanted to be friends with her and I was supportive, although her actions and my spidey senses told me she wanted more. In the past few months the friendship had crossed the line from friends to engaging in flirtation related to their sexual past. He had been hiding this activity from me, deleting the conversations (both online and texting). I was given the opportunity to confront the situation--she had texted him when we were out--and he admitted to it. Of course I was angry. I was hurt! However, I didnt let that feeling overwhelm me. Instead, I took two steps back, a deep breath and centered myself. I distanced myself from the physical situation and asked for help, specifically what to do. Do I ignore him? Do I call him a bastard? Do I break things off? Do I scream at him? In that moment, as I sat in silence, I knew that I needed to talk to him. I could not let this fester another moment. It wasn't about me seeking an apology. It was about me honoring his Spirit enough to give him the opportunity to say his peace. I felt compassion for him--people who are feeling good about themselves dont' engage in these type of behaviors. Albeit not an excuse but it helped me to find a place where I could empathize with that part of him.
As we spoke, the conversation focused on us--were we going to make this work and how-- rather than what he did wrong. I took the blame game out of the equation. I lived in the moment, listening to him as he explained himself and how he planned to rectify things. I only raised my voice a few times to let him know I was angry, that this behavior was unacceptable and that it would not be tolerated in the future. I didn't let my emotions or my fears wrap me up in a knot so tight I couldn't feel my gut. No, I kept those spidey senses on and observed the situation, only responding from a place of compassion. My heart was open the whole time. The heart is needed most in these types of situations.
At the end of it all, we came out stronger. I never doubted for a second, when listening to my higher self, that he would engage in this type of behavior again. I could see that he was only human, that humans make mistakes and that he was truly sorry for this. One apology was enough (although I am hearing it more than that). I stood my ground, listened to my intuition and the result was stepping over a hurdle that could have destroyed our relationship. Additonally, after he had been betrayed so many times by his ex girlfriend, he was able to find compassion for her by understanding how easy people can make these mistakes even though they love the other person. Everything came full cirlce for the both of us--him with respect to his issues with cheating and me in respect to acting from a place of love rather than fear.
I am not writing this to advocate cheating. Of course this behavior will not be tolerated in the future. The reality is: People make mistakes and peolple will hurt us. When we react from a loving, centered, grounded and compassionate place, we gain the greatest resolution. Spirit lives in the present, always advocating for our highest good. You will know what your truth is regarding the person and/or situation. Whether we decide to remain in contact with that person or not is our choice, but either way, we need to let go with love. Love heals.