This seems to be somewhat of a dark day for me. I've been consumed with death and dying. I guess that would make sense. I received an e-mail today from one of my very best friends. He was shocked to learn that his ex-girlfriend and mother of his youngest son passed away in her sleep Saturday night. She was only 34 and as I see it... much to young to make that journey. She leaves behind her husband and children. I was heartbroken for him as he is devistated.
I always find myself some what envious of those who have crossed before us, a morbid fascination with death it seems. Let me clarify..... no, I do not wish to die, certainly not at this time in my life. I spent a year and a half in suicidal depression and when I came out at the other end of the tunnel, I was happy to have survived.
I slept, I cried and I self medicated. There wasn't a day that went by that I did not feel like doing some home redecorating, i.e. spraying lovely grey matter all over my bedroom walls. I just kept seeing my beautiful daughter's face and feeling her devistation at an act that I might have selfishly executed. So I am happy to wait until that time the Goddess wishes for my return. Life is now a very precious commodity.
I no longer fear death as it does complete the circle of life. The envy comes from a need to know. Not just to know, but to have confirmation, that first hand experience of life after death. I know what I've read and heard, but I want to see it with my own eyes, or spirit as the case may be.
When we lose people we love it is very hard, further complicated by young people dying in their sleep for no apparent reason. Accidental death, senseless murder etc. With each passing, comes a reminder of just how precious and abbrieviated any of our lives can be. It is essential to let those close friends and family members know just exactly how you feel as much as humanly possible. We just never know when our ticket's up.
This further authenticates the old saying "Never go to bed angry" as you might not wake up. As was the case with my friends former lady. I did not know her but pray for her a safe journey to the Summerland. My prayers and sympathy go out to her family and friends.
R.I.P.
Desirae Walters
1974 - 2008
Please send your prayers to her surviving family.