The Healthy Relationship
We all want it, we all desire the goodness that a relationship can offer.
However, I pose this question; ” Do you want healthy relationship or just a relationship”? There is a difference. Sometimes we take "whatever" because we are in fear of being alone.
Don't you think it would be better to be alone and have the right person come along than to be with someone who is not good for you or maybe that you are not good for each other?
It has been said that first several months maybe even the first year of a relationship is someone who represents us filling in for the real us. We all try to start off on the right foot, don’t we? We all have a sense to possibly hold back our true selves in fear of the what if’s. What if this person see’s the real me and they are not interested? Then, guess what? They are not worth your time. Eventually everything will fall apart and you will be right back to square one. Let me also say that if someone wants to get to know you they are going to make the effort. It maybe a little bit at a time but they will. Actions speaks volumes!
The right way to think would be; ” I am me, like me as I am”. That is easier said then done. True colors always come shinning through eventually.
Healthy relationships are built on time, trust, experiences and more. A healthy relationship starts with one self. Yes, we have to love ourselves, be good to ourselves before we can even think of allowing someone else in. If you are good to yourself love and respect who you are, you are more likely to attract someone of the same caliber. In most cases like attracts like.
It has taken me a long time to like myself. It's not as easy as I make it sound, not simple at all. I found fault with most things about me that when I look back I see where I went wrong. In respecting who I am and caring enough about myself I seem to attract nicer people, better friends and so on. I am not tolerant of other people who are rude or try to change me.
For all this and more I am better because of the experiences and now I know what I will accept and most of all what I WILL not allow in my life. Understand this is an on going process. I am always working on myself.
Here are some tips to have a healthy relationship:
Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say “thank you” to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made. Gratitude brings a great attitude.
Explore each other’s interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests. Be curtious to your partner.
Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner’s feelings. Saying “I’m sorry” may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions. Most of us do not wish to be responsible, it is easier to place blame instead of accepting your part and moving forward.
Make choices together. Things like financial choices can strain a couple. It is important to choose the same things together by being on the same page. Money can part even the best of friends. Be considerate.
Don’t hold back. If something is bothering you, talk it over. Perhaps you may have to set a time to do so. Non the less speak. Speak with respect. Every couple argues but if you are going to fight, do it fairly and by all means stay on the subject in which you are fighting about. Arguing is healthy, abusive behavior is not. I have learned that sometimes even though we apologize we cannot take it back, it’s already out.
Be friends. The best of friends make the best of lovers. Why rush it? Friendship is so valuable, it helps build trust. You would want your partner to be your friend.
Allow space. Everyone needs it. I don’t like feeling crowded or smothered myself. I have polled friends on this one and some others. Allow your partner time with friends as you need time with your own or to yourselves. It is healthy & perfectly acceptable.
When you are in a healthy loving relationship with yourself you will find that you are more open to receiving one from another.
Wishing you all healthy, loving relationships of every kind.