When a relationship ends...
When a relationship ends we All feel lost, confused, devastated and abandoned. I could probably list a million emotions to explain but I am very certain this will be understood. It's not easy, it is painful.
The questions start pouring in but the most common one is why?
Though you may feel that you have no light at the end of the tunnel, I am here to tell you that there is one.
After decades of a marriage that failed due to circumstances that were out of my control, I began to put my life back together one day at a time. I could not see a light. Granted, I still have trouble and often find that if I went back or he changed, it would work. No it would never work.
In order for good changes to come, and a new person to enter, something has to end. Endings can be new beginnings. It just doesn't feel so at the time.
When you cannot imagine yourself taking it day by day then take it second by second.
Lessons are learned even if you don't think so. You will learn what you don't want and cannot accept. That I will guarantee. So even if you get stuck on the "why", you will grow into the "lesson".
A broken heart from an ended love affair feels like a death of sorts. It is, so embrace the grief. You cannot move forward until you have resolved your grief. You will feel stuck. Just so you know, that is all normal.
As you move from grief you may experience anger and resentment. I once used to think that if I did everything right my relationship would be blessed and continually be a happy one. I now feel that sometimes the very things we hold on to are things that maybe God himself is trying to get us to let go of. Hindsight is most certainly 20/20. You will see it when you are past it.
Forgive as you go. Forgiveness is not for the other person bur for yourself. When someone has hurt you so bad, they take power or have a hold over you. Forgiving them releases YOU not them. Then forgive yourself.
This is all a process. Granted, not a joyous one. Allow yourself all the time you need to heal. You will heal, I promise. I know that may sound silly but time has a way of easing the hurt and somewhere on the other end you start to find yourself finding yourself again. (Yes, I typed it that way on purpose)
Keep your ex as an ex. There is a reason why that person is an ex. If you are having trouble do the HONEST pro's and con's list. You really can't lie to yourself. Do not play the lets make a deal blame game.
Relationships fail because they just do. I can tell you a hundred reasons why but the bottom line is they fail.
If it were not for a relationship failing you will never be able to meet the better person to come.
Also, if you were getting stuck on the changes you hoped that they would have made, please don't.
I have learned that not everyone will do as I do or feel as I feel. I honestly hate that. I have standards and I wish everyone would follow them. LOL. They won't. People do as they do because we are all unique individuals.
I cannot change anyone, only myself. You want someone to accept you as you are. You can forever love someone, hold them near and dear to your heart but that does not mean you have to be together. If I told you that the person you were in love with was like drinking a toxic vile, would you still drink it? Think long and hard.
To love or not love again?
Yes, you will. But who?
Wherever your heart takes you! Isn't it funny how we think we will never love again yet we do? Where would the world be without those love songs? The one's that remind us of our ex and the one's that convince us NEVER again. You may never love the same, you shouldn't as each love is unique in of itself.
Don't bring your hurt, loss and perhaps anger into your next relationship either. Do not make someone else be held accountable for the last person's mistakes. Take responsibility for your own so you can let yourself love again.
Last but not least.. My Grandfather was a funny person. He had funny expressions that I have remembered all these years. He used to say; "there is a lid for every pot". Whether you are the lid or the pot, its like Tupperware that just fits because the pieces go together. That was his explainaton of a good relationship. Find your lid and have faith.
Lovingly,
Michelle xo