Recently I sent an email asking some of my clients what was their worst first date and what they learned from it since everything in life is a lesson. Here are some VERY funny replies. I changed names around to protect the GUILTY!   Please feel free to add some of your worst first dates, but please KEEP IT CLEAN!

 

A Picture Sometimes Isn’t Worth 15 Minutes

 

I met the guy on a dating website and his profile said he was 35 (I was 30). Since he looked OK in his picture I agreed to meet him in a bar in Miami for a drink.  I arrived and scanned the bar for my date. I had noticed this weird looking guy with a bad comb over (worse than “The Donald”) sitting by the door, but he was old so it couldn’t be him.  Sure enough, after a minute I hear my name being called and I turn around and it is bad car wreck looking Trump guy.  I was like, where is the back door and fast?!


Since my identity was blown, I went over to meet this guy - I created a fantasy in my head that he commissioned his father to tell me that he wasn’t coming. Shocked, I agreed to sit and have a drink, where I learned that the guy was 55!!! Responding to my direct question of why he had lied about his age he responded ‘Some people can’t handle the truth!’ Turns out the picture was of his nephew!  Although I wanted to jet out of there, I listened for about 15 minutes. That was my mistake. He took that as a sign that I accepted his lie and proceeded to put his hand on mine. I cleared up that mistake very quickly by pouring the drink on his lap and took off. Lesson learned; next time I will just walk out. I won’t enable anyone’s lies!   Anne – Sunny Isles, Florida

 

Killing Time isn’t Downing a Beer

 

I agreed to go out with a guy I meet at a local bar who was pretty drunk when we met but, honestly, most people you meet in bars are drunk right?  After all, I was a bit tipsy myself.  Anyway, when I arrived at the place for dinner I watched him walk over to his car.  I assumed he forgot his wallet or whatever, so I walked up to the front door of the restaurant.  When he met me back at the door I asked him if he forgotten something from his car?   He said no, that he arrived a little early and thought it would be a good time for a beer.  I thought at first that he just needed a little liquid courage so I jokingly asked if he drank everywhere he went?  He said, ‘Of course, I keep a 6 pack on the floor in the back of my car and since I don’t mind warm beer, it works out just fine!’  I then went on to tell him he had a drinking problem jokingly because I thought we were joking.  He then made the comment, ‘I don’t think I have a problem but I do start court mandated classes starting Monday since I’ve gotten 3 D.U.I.s this year.’  At that moment I said to him that I forgot my cell phone in my car and that I needed to get it to call the sitter and asked him for his car keys so I could help myself to a warm beer. Would you believe the dope gave me his keys! On the way out of the restaurant I tossed his keys in the trash can and I took off. Lesson learned; when a man is being honest believe him!  Cindy - Dallas


Now I Know Why Women Cheat


My lovely Jewish mother’s favorite hairstylists’ receptionist has a son around my age that is single and employed.  You gotta love those really. OK, I’ll bite I thought, ‘what the heck…it’s been a few years since I went out on a blind date anyway….how bad could it be?

After an hour and a half listening to Mr. B talk about what a tramp and terrible person his ex-wife was, he finally asked me “So what happened with your last relationship?”  I replied it didn’t work out, and if it did I wouldn’t be here.  When pressed for details, I replied I did not invite my ex tonight so I see no reason to discuss it. Mr. B still did not get the hint and then provided me graphic details of his ex-wife’s cheating escapades! Fun Fun Fun!!   I heard about young men and learned what the term cougar meant. I heard about the gardener and his tools, I head about how he walked in on his second wife fooling around with her sons principal. I was so bored and tired about hearing how awful these women were that I actually caught myself secretly fantasying about cheating on him even though I’ve known him for 90 minutes!  Lesson learned; if a man brings his ex to dinner....enjoy your meal, have a glass of wine and then do not go out with him again. He’s more focused on how angry he is with his ex than having a lovely evening with you. By the way, I did get a trip out of my mother…to Cancun! I deserved it!  Jamie – Boston.