BAD RELATIONSHIP GOT YOU DOWN?
Do you feel like you are on a rollercoaster ride that never seems to end? One minute you are up, the next minute you are down. You sit back wondering if things will ever be the same again as you focus on how things use to be. Is it time to start weeding that garden you call a relationship?
Suddenly the rose colored glasses are off, and you see your other half as who they truly are. Romance and passion may take a dive, sometimes to the point of being gone. Your mind wanders and you find yourself focused on the negative. You ask yourself "What happened? Where did we go wrong?" You may even be thinking of getting off the ride and starting over again.
Relationships are like gardens, and they do require weeding and watering. Your focus can either make or break the relationship, along with actions. Sitting down and taking inventory of the relationship in a loving manner can help. Asking "Where are we headed? What are our relationship goals?" can also help to clear away confusion and change the focus. Often one partner will blame the other for what is lacking or not working. The key is communication and stopping the blame game. It will take two to make the relationship, and two to repair it.
If the relationship takes a turn to the abusive side, it's time to really think about where the boundaries are. Setting firm boundaries and realistic goals is essential for change to occur. This is where I always say LOVE YOURSELF no matter how your partner treats you. You do have a say as to what happens next, but in any abusive situation you will need to be strong and set firm limits. A good phrase to use (in a calm tone) when your partner wants to argue and not solve anything is "I love you too much to argue. I will talk to you later when you are calm." Then you walk away and refrain from saying anything more. Timing of your talks is certainly key to finding resolution. You want your partner to be open to talking so make sure you pick a good time to talk.
You can change your future by believing in your abilities, and by focusing on what goals you have set for your future. A relationship should never complete a person. It takes two complete people to have a healthy and happy relationship. Sometimes it takes one person getting off the rollercoaster to bring about the necessary changes. This means you might have to say "I'm not going to do this anymore." You might even have to move into another room, and start fresh by dating again. If you are married, I am not implying dating other people.
How can you make your relationship better? Don't focus on your partner, focus on YOU. You can't change your partner, but you CAN change how you react, and act towards your partner. You can make it a point to find the good in your partner and promise yourself that you will PURPOSELY LOOK for something good about your partner. Say at least one nice thing every day, and for those of you who have to dig deep you do whatever is necessary. It may be something as simple as saying "I really appreciate when you..." or "I loved when you....". You can compliment them on their appearance, or perhaps something they did like take out the trash. Saying THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU can seem like work when the relationship is spiraling out of control.
There is not one single perfect person or relationship in this world. Yet there is one single person, yourself, who can bring about positive changes in your life. The world may be your oyster, but you are the pearl so treat yourself as such. Until next time.... GOD BLESS!
If you need someone to talk to, you can reach me at 1-800-ask-keen ext 023988. If I'm not available, you can always schedule an appointment with me or call someone in my group, VICTORIOUS ENVISIONARIES