FANTASY POWER :)
So WHO IS HE? How are we connected? What was I to learn?
Read on and ponder :) -If you have an idea, please don't hesitate to share!
I was a life guard at a pool on the beach for a very ritzy little motel. The rooms went for hundreds of dollars a night, even then in the early 80's, and I got to stay there with free board and some pay. It was a summer job of freedom, risk and amazing adventure!
My friend was a man who worked in the motel office, Arnaldo. He was soooooo gay. A queen, funny & a great cook. We'd spend time checking out the men on the beach and planning things to eat for dinner after work.
Every night he'd go through the check outs and tell me which rooms to search because those people were gone. I'd take the keys and look in the fridges before the room was stripped, often I wasn't disappointed as they'd be full of new steaks, ribs, fancy ice creams and un opened expensive wine. Technically we were supposed to throw out the food.
We'd 'wine and dine' on gourmet left overs in the rooms which didn't get rented for that night.
On very full nights we'd rent our own rooms for a huge discount and go sleep on the beach. We were young and free.
One day a very handsome boy-,man (I was 18 and he was 17 years old) came with his family to the motel. I watched him from a distance and saw which room he was in. I even went so far as to knock on the door to see if they wanted some ice! lol.
He wasn't in the room at the time.
Anyway, I went back to my room that night and pulled out my trusty journal, one of many I wrote in every night and had been doing so since fifth grade.
I began to fantasize about a scene I wished/wanted to have happen with that very cute boy.
It was innocent . . . I added him to my daily routine in the mornings of walking out to the beach and swimming by sunrise before work. I added him on paper, in my journal. I described in detail how he would be there and enjoy my company. I fantasized and smiled at my writings, as if it were REAL.
I went to sleep with a satisfied feeling of joy that I'd created him in my life even if I'd never really get to meet him!
The next moring I took my early morning walk, past the tennis courts and on to the beach. The beach and courts were always empty this time of day, it was my private time.
As I neared the end of the wooden board walk, I heard a creak behind me and turned. To my amazed glance, it was HIM, towel around his waist and a wooden walking stick in his hand!!
Sunrise and the first time a soul had been on that private beach with me! I kept moving forward and not looking. I heard him behind me but didn't dare turn around. I felt shy.
I walked up to the shoreline and watched the waves move in and out. The sound consumed me, but I love that!
I peeked over to my left and he was standing a few feet over, leaning on his walking stick & gazing out at the sea. I mean it was obvious he was there watching me, too.
I decided to take a risk and threw off my towel and ran into the ocean without looking at him. I let the waves crash over me as I moved out . . . further and further away from the shore line.
A strong wave threw me backward and - I hit a warm body. Yes! OMG it was him and he'd followed me in the water!
We swam around in silent awkwardness, I won't lie about it. I was suddenly shy and a bit freaked out. I headed back to the shore.
I grabbed my towel but he was keeping pace with me. We walked back toward the deck side by side, until we reached the motel and I looked up at him and introduced myself with one word, "Fawn".
"Shawn" He answered.
Then we simply parted ways. I received a small piece of paper from Arnaldo that afternoon with Shawn's phone number on it. I never did call.
After summer I went back to KY and a full year of college again. Ten months later I was back in New York, only this time in the City and not out on Long Island. I worked there and lived with my college roommate Reecie.
While in a rush at Grand Central Station, miles and miles away from Long Island . . . not to mention months away from my brief summer as a life guard there, I slammed in to someone in a wave of people and dropped my back pack on the floor.
Looking up I saw it was SHAWN! I even remembered his name and I said,
"Shawn!"
He said -
"Fawn!"
Yes he did.
Just feeling GOOD while you envision something you WANT will attract it to you. Instead of feeling anxious because you don't have it, feel GOOD and close your eyes while you FEEL that you DO have it.
i.e this example in my own life, many years ago on the beaches of Long Island (near Montauk, NY):
We exchanged phone numbers in silent shock and that was IT. I never called and he never called me.
So then did I create him or did he create me? Were we meant to run in to each other and if so, W?H?Y?
:)
Light!
Fawn