FAT
At seven in the morning when I'm about to get off work from a long 13 hour night shift, I feel like being thin.
I see all these thin 'day nurses' sweeping down the corridors and feel a sudden vibrant desire to raise my skinny vibration.
I'm inspired to not eat so much. Wow, what a novel thought!
Later on, after a day of sleep, I step out into the sunshine to do my 'rounds' by the lake with dog and son.
What's that I feel jiggling around my middle here as I walk?
Fat?!!
I speed up my pace.
Stubborn little rolls here and there, pressing against the pants I once actually considered my 'fat' pants.
Must I sacrifice my eating passions?!
I refer here to my habit of lazily eating anything I want everyday & my cooking and nibbling routine . . .
Should I just 'kick it' once and for all . . . just to feel what it's like to be slim- skinny-trim again?
Don't get me wrong, nobody would look at me and think, "Gosh that woman is fat!" I admit to not looking large or even chubby.
However, there's a little something I've lost along the way, it disappeared somewhere between the ages of 37 and 41 years old . . . and it's NOT fat! lol,
Maybe it's a frigid 'give a damn' I maintained back (when ever), about always being trim and lean.
THAT obsession has eluded me in recent years . . . & now I struggle to get it back!
I so admire the beautiful people in their loosely fitting vegetarian bodies- and for a few moments, I even consider changing back to my old ways.
Then, Uh uh, no! NOT TODAY 'cause I want to enjoy that piece of homemade cheese cake, that lovely shrimp delight . . . & those lobster legs dipped in butter sauce with scallop potatoes.
I want to lick this bowl of (eggless of course) cake batter, & swoon with delight over heated apple cobbler a la mode!
Feels glowy.
Sigh.