There are moments when you just KNOW that a reaction you make will create the entire difference in outcome of your future; seemingly small events, which determine MANY things about what will occur later.
I consider these moments ‘seed’ times. They are when I have a choice to REACT one way or another to someone about something, and my reaction determines what will grow out of the event.
Today my eleven year old son came to my bedroom where I was waking from a day nap after 13 hours of working at the hospital last night. He warned me that in the kitchen there was a grand mess of coffee grounds, everywhere & mixed with water, due to the fact that he’d been attempting to surprise me with a cup of coffee.
He’d heated the water on the stove and ground the ‘witches brew’ three time, just to make sure they were perfect, before depositing them into the foam maker (a smaller version of a coffee press meant to foam milk). The container rebelled and grounds went everywhere.
My grumpy, sleepy self doesn’t like to wake up to kitchen disasters. But I saw this as one of those moments of choice. It was a pivotal time for him and for me.
As I ‘zombied’ my way downstairs to the kitchen he again warned me of the mess. I saw that the counters were indeed covered in muddy water and grounds which had run all over the floor in every direction.
I was overjoyed with his intention to surprise me with a cup of coffee. He was emotionally beating himself up, upset that the surprise was ruined, that there was a mess . . . afraid I’d be mad and all those sorts of things.
As I cleaned up the mess I told him I felt happy, very touched by his thoughtfulness. That many people mistake the foam maker for a press because it’s such a random thing to own in a kitchen anyway. As I wiped and rinsed, I brought down the real press and sat it on the clean counter. I poured a few beans in the grinder ignoring that many of them were gone now, due to the latest technical difficulties.
I continued to say how one of my favorite gifts is when someone brings me coffee at just the perfect time, and waking up today was a perfect time!
Then I told him I was still tired and needed to sleep about thirty more minutes. I left him there still looking disappointed at the ruined ‘surprise’.
Five minutes later I heard the coffee grinder turn on. Ten minutes later he was coming upstairs with a fresh, hot cup of java for me! I drank it down, thankful for every roaming, stray coffee ground in the cup.
He announced that he was ‘good in the kitchen’ and had even whipped up some foam for us in the foam maker. It was a wonderful moment and I knew that I hadn’t blown that particular ‘seed event’(smile).
I could have reacted with disgust and frustration at having to get out of bed and clean up the mess. I could have complained at his wastefulness of my coffee beans and ultimately discouraged him from ever wanting to make coffee for me again, let alone explore things in the kitchen.
Instead I reacted with love and as a result he learned that it’s okay to make mistakes and try again. Isn’t this an awesome life skill?!!!!!
He kept his self esteem and his desire to give out of his love. He didn’t feel like a failure. My reaction assisted him with HIS reaction.
This is a parent example. I think back to the childhood days of my teenage daughter and hope that for the most part my reactions were loving and not hurtful. I like to think that the greater percentage of my choices to react with her WERE this way. I vow to be attentive from now on about this with both my children.
In the same way that we learn through associations and parental reactions growing up with our folks, we tend to ‘knee jerk’ react in our adult relationships, too.
There are break up moments when we have a choice of reaction, for instance to melt down and burn the bridge or stay cool and remain attentive to the future power of our NOW reaction.
There are between psychic phone call moments when we have the choice to remain calm and let things be, or flip out and stalk an ex. “Yep! That there’s a ‘seed’ moment.”
Think about it, if you hound someone, is it serving them or . . . you? OR is it serving NEITHER (clue: number 3 is the correct answer :-)
In all things: HEART MATTERS.