Hospice Nurses and Life after Life
Elaine is a hospice RN who has been working with the dying for many years. Elaine told me when I met her, on our first day of orientation that she had a ‘calling’ to be a hospice nurse. I learned first hand as I watched her, what she meant. I once had the honor of observing her with a patient who was actively dying.
The cancer ridden woman was as frail as a crispy fall leaf. Mostly skin and bones, she could no longer control her own stool and bladder so she wore a diaper. She depended totally on care from others to stay clean and dry. Her body was turned every two hours to prevent pressure sores on her skin, and she took frequent medicine for pain control.
She had deteriorated over a short period of time from her cancer, and Elaine had been there as her nurse from the beginning. She was the nurse who visited her when the diagnosis became terminal, no cure was expected. Elaine had explained to her that hospice nurses would be available to take care of her, to assist her with daily needs and to talk to her when she needed comfort.
Elaine had laughed with and listened to her as she talked about her life. She was a source of strength and support when fear of unknown set in.
When she suffered from pain and could no longer walk by herself, even to the bathroom, Elaine made sure she had the pain medications she needed to keep her comfortable. When her arms became too weak to lift a fork to her mouth, she allowed Elaine and care providers to feed her. By the time she was bedridden and actively dying, a strong bond had formed between the two women.
I saw Elaine with her the days before her death as an orienting hospice nurse. I sat in her bedroom with her field chart, recording blood pressure and body temperature, while Elaine set to work with her in a different way.
Elaine gave a warm, long, gentle hug and kissed her with genuine tear filled eyes on her cheeks. She removed her sheets, bathed her body and applied lotion or ointment to every irritated area. All the while Elaine spoke softly of the things that mattered to her, things she’d learned about her life in earlier conversations.
I watched her and held back tears at the love I felt from Elaine toward her silent dying patient, how she smoothed back her thin gray hair with such kindness! Her dedication was more than I’d encountered with hospital nurses on our busy medical surgical floor.
An immense empathy and bond develops between a nurse and hospice patient provoking powerful emotions for all involved. To agree to this bond with someone during final labor pains of life and death is truly a calling. I know many nurses who won’t go near this area of work!
When I mention my interest in hospice care to some people their response is, “How depressing!”
Hospice work is inspiring and validating to some. For a spiritually directed person like me, and millions of others, hospice allows experiences through which we can celebrate life by accepting death, to reaffirm faith in God and our continuation of life after life, a sense of purpose and true gratitude toward humanity.
Kristine RN Who Came Back After Death
Kristine was a hospice nurse that I barely knew. I never had the opportunity of going with her on a visit during my orientation. I remember her as a very pretty older woman with short dark hair in a progressive cut, glasses, and perfect clothes. Her desk was covered with photographs of family, pictures of flowers, poems and her favorite colors; she seemed to me to lead a very organized life.
So it was shocking to family, co workers and her hospice clients when she committed suicide seemingly ‘out of the blue’. I’m told her suicide had something to do with heartbreak of a marriage ending, I really don’t know all the details, but I know that I was torn by her death like everyone else.
On the day of her memorial service I worked for hospice while her co workers attended. Since I was relatively new and didn’t know her well, I was very willing to cover for others who went to say goodbye to Kristine.
A couple of the patients I visited were ones Kristine had been following as a primary nurse up until she took her life. One of Kristine’s patients died after Kristine had committed suicide, and when I visited the inpatient hospice care center where she’d been cared for, an aide told me about her death:
“Mrs. B saw Kristine when she died!” She told me.
In detail she described how Kristine’s patient reacted a few moments before her final coma.
“She looked toward her left and told us that Kristine was standing there” The aide said.
“I had goose bumps when I saw her smiling face, it felt very real!”
When the memorial services was over and my co workers were back at their desks, I told them what I’d heard about Kristine and received a receptive and warm reaction from them all, especially her close friends.
It was our affirmation that Kristine was able to keep her hospice commitment to her hospice patients- who counted on support her during their death experience.
She was there for them, even from the other side!