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Is Cyber Sex Cheating?

You catch him on the computer again, peeking at questionable body parts and flirting with strangers who flirt back with him.

There is evidence he may have communicated with a few of those heads, attached to the skin shots he's been drooling over.

You find webcam recordings hidden on the mother board of his computer.

You detect secret flirtatious conversations with distant women who he will most likely never meet in person. A phone number has been exchanged at one time, maybe even a photograph he sent her of himself!

He says, when you catch him. that cyber flirting is no different than going to a strip bar with buddies.

Why then, do you feel as if you've been betrayed?! Where does a woman draw the line with cyber sex? What do YOU think? Is he cheating?

Published Monday, April 09, 2007 7:58 PM by Ms Claritynow
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# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, April 09, 2007 5:23 PM

Very good topic but I need to scold you for a second. It isn't just men who do this -- it takes two to tango. It's written from a female perspective, that's true, but what about the poor boyfriend over there in the Philippines sound asleep while honey ko is sneaking out to the internet cafe, or the Russian guy who has no idea that his girlfriend's sudden extra cash is coming from cyber suitors and Western Union?

That said, it absolutely is cheating. If you went out to dinner with someone else who had romantic intentions, you may not end up in bed, but it's still being unfaithful. And who knows what he/she has told that other person. People will callously break someone else's heart over the internet.

My rule of thumb on this is one of the oldest and still one of the best. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" How would you feel if you walked in and saw your significant other getting naked for the webcam? Unless you'd be 100% okay with it, then it's waaaay not okay for you to be doing it.

Jon Constantine

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, April 09, 2007 5:59 PM

Well said!!

Ms Claritynow

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, April 09, 2007 6:09 PM

Yes it is cheating.  Though not a physical betrayal it is definitely an emotional betrayal.

Some people choose to cheat instead of get creative or leave a relationship that is not fulfilling.

MalikaHelena

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, April 09, 2007 6:15 PM

Loss of trust.

Ms Claritynow

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, April 09, 2007 7:54 PM

well a few years ago I would have said no it's not cheating. Now I'm not so sure I would say cheating but it can bring on a lot of trouble for a relationship. And i also agree that woman do it also. I think if it is hurting your relationship with a real person then there is something worng. Not everyone that dose has this or any issue with it.
GMTS
Love and light
Karen

Karen Yount

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, June 29, 2007 10:57 AM

My OH had cyber sex with someone who was a frind of both of us and was a consellor supposedly helping us with our marriage after he had returned as a soldier from Iraq.

He denied it all along, if hed had the guts to be honest I could have maybe dealt with it.he didnt and I am totally devestated. we have kids together and had a great sex life

Caz

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, June 29, 2007 1:59 PM

OUCH! I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm afraid it's very common.

Ms Claritynow

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, August 14, 2007 10:31 AM

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# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, September 25, 2007 12:53 PM

I have just found that my partner of4 years has cheated on me with a woman he met on the internet.He went on to meet her in person said he didnt find her that attractive but carried on with cybersex and phone sex for a further 2 months. We had a fantastic sex life before this and all i can think of is that he must have tought that she and what they were doing were more special than what we had. He of course wants me back and lovesme know and says he did as he was doing it.  The trust is destroyed and because I know him so well I know what and how he would say sexy things to her he was probaly sayng the same to mea few hours before or later.I am deeply hurt and our relationshipis in tatters.So nobody tell me that it is harmless fun.

cheated on

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, December 06, 2007 9:44 AM

I have been married for 20 plus years and my husband had posted pictures of himself on a pron dating site for purposes of cyber sex. He went on to meet one of the classy ladies. Says he didn't find her attactrive. His intent had always been to have a physical encounter, secret from me. It is cheating and has destroyed me.

Kelley

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, January 08, 2008 6:51 PM

I have recentely discovered that my husband of 16 years has been having cybersex and phone sex with ladies, couples, groups, you name it for the last 5 years while he would be away on business trips.  I discovered his secret email address by accident.  He would even invite people into his hotel room.  He would give them his hotel phone number and room number.  And it all started with 'just' cybersex.  He says that nothing ever actually took place and that he would chicken out if somebody actually knocked on his door or called.  I don't believe him at all. It has been completely devastating for our family.  I believe with all my heart that cybersex is cheating.

lizzie

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, February 22, 2008 12:42 PM

I found 2 anonymous "hook-up" sites saved to favorites on my husband's laptop.  I checked because I knew something  funny was going on.. he never went anywhere or did anything with us..electing to stay home.  Always called me when I left the house (within 10 min.) for some fake reason - just to see if I was really gone and asked that I call him before I come home to see if he wanted something.  A couple of times when I returned home unexpectantly he was on the computer with porn.  He started counseling 2 yrs ago for this and other (anger-physical abuse-verbal abuse and emotional abuse) issues but but he still lies constantly and I think he's doing the computer sex again.  He has stopped the physical abuse but I still experience some verbal and emotional abuse (his lies) altho not as bad as before.

Cyber Sex is not conducive to a good marriage - IMHO

debby

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, May 26, 2008 4:00 PM

For the past 3 months I have been having cybersex. Sometimes with random strangers and sometimes with regular people. My husband has sex with me about 3 times a month. We used to have a great sex life but now his libido is gone. He's not gay, not seeing anyone else, has no medical/emotional problems...and I am still attractive and interesting. But I dunno...he just doesn't want to be intimate very much. I've talked to him about it A LOT and I always wind up crying and still nothing ever happens. For him, I think it's easier to just ignore my unhappiness then make the effort to revive our sex life (and it takes two here people. I know, I've tried fixing it alone!). So although I feel a *little guilty* about the cybersex, I don't feel like I'm cheating either (it's a grey area). Years ago he and I had a conversation about cybersex and he said he didn't care if I did it or not. Hmm.
But I definitely draw the line someplace...I don't exchange personal info, I don't meet these people, I don't waste my time in chat rooms rather then living my life. My husband and I have kids together, otherwise I would probably have left him by now and waited to see if he got his act together and begged me to come home. BUT I don't have this luxury. So here I am...stuck with cybersex. Not much real sex for Jamie :(

Jamie

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, October 22, 2008 1:05 AM

Well lets start with, I just got engaged 9/27 (my birthday). Later that weekend myfiance' was at my house and used my laptop...he left his email logged in when he left.  We have a lot things going on through emails so I checked the inbox.  Lo and behold I found replies to personal ads.  Now I was curious...I know that going thru his email was the worst thing I could have done, but I couldn't help myself.  One stuck out like a sore thumb..18 emails between the two of them in 3 days. The last of which he told her he was going to be in her part of the country in the fall and he would love to meet up with her.  He told me he was going to Asia on business.  Well I emailed this woman and we chatted back and forth until the sun came up.  She is no longer interested in him because her ex had done the same thing to her and she felt betrayed and belittled by it.  I spoke to him about this and he says he was only messing with their heads.  However now the business trip has been cancelled...HMMM
I am so crazy in love with this man and I find myself doubting my own judgement.  To me it is cheating.  He says he has stopped but now I find that he has lied to me about cancelling his subscriptions to dating websites.  Engaged for a month and I'm not for sure if I can go through with this. :-( Jeane

Jeane

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, October 30, 2008 7:18 AM

I have a partner of 4 years whom i have caught doing this twice. Ihave never forgiven him and he broke down and swore to me that he wouldnt do it again but i have just found another msm saucy name on his computer and loads of downloaded porn. Iam in bits and i cant say anything until next week as we are taking our kids on holiday tomorrow. I cant live with this now it is the end. Dont kid yourself that he will stop coz its unlikley. The deciet is the worst bit. We had a great sex life .

JJAMES

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, November 24, 2008 5:27 AM

Yes totally it is cheating or I wouldn't feel like swallowing a bottle of pills right now. My wife and I live in Florida where, if you live here you know, the pay scale down here is pretty much slave wages. So in August I went to NYC to work and try to make OUR lives great. For awhile all was going well(not work wise, it was kind of slow). Then after about a month I started to notice a coldness in my wifes voice. She would deny it. Every night we always call each other to say goodnight. As time went on she would be calling me earlier and earlier each night. Anyway to make a long story short she tells me she wants to go to counseling because she's depressed. I say anything that helps her is ok with me. Fast Forward to last week when I return home(1500 mile non stop drive through major thunderstorms, tornado warnings, closed down highways all to see her). Doing the maintenance on her computer i come across the most horrible thing I had ever seen. Pictures of mens penises. MANY pics. After I confront her she admits to talking to guy but claims she never saw any pics like that that it was friendly chat. Like a dog with a bone though I started digging. I set up 2 computers and started sending pics back and forth to 2 phony accounts. EVERY pic showed. This led to more digging. I was able to pull up a chat. It was the most vile crap I ever read. Of course she confesses to cybering. After prodding and probing more she admits to phone sex. Claimed only 2 guys cyber 1 guy phone. Then 3 guys, then 4 guys. Cybering list grew so long she forgot how many. Phone sex went from 1 to 2 to 3. Long story coming to an end. She even got off the phone with me as I was driving 1500 miles back to her. My whole world has been destroyed. So goddamn yes its cheating.

DevAsTaTeD

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, November 27, 2008 2:38 AM

" Long story coming to an end. She even got off the phone with me as I was driving 1500 miles back to her" MEANT to say got off phone with me to cyber some dude who now I've found out she's called twice. I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop.

devastated

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Sunday, November 30, 2008 7:44 PM

I was five months pregnant when i found out that my partner was involved in cybersex. The pain and devastation has destroyed my live and my children's live. It's cheating and the worst kinds because it involves mental effort to engage in the activity. It's rare that this can mean nothing because the physical satisfaction cannot be achieved quite the way it can be through the actual act.

Patricia

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, December 17, 2008 12:11 PM

I can relate to the pain expressed here! I agree that it IS cheating . .  . and destroys both trust and intimacy in a single blow. Thank you for sharing your stories and my heart goes out to you!!

Ms Claritynow

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, December 22, 2008 3:36 PM

Sorry, I was wrong again. Now it seems she NEVER called the guy she confessed to calling but DID call 4 other guys 14 times. What kind of sap am I for not leaving? Am I a sap? Help me out here please. I dont know what to do anymore.

devastated

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, December 25, 2008 6:59 PM

I would suggest not to blame yourself and remember that it is she who has the problem here.

Ms Claritynow

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, January 28, 2009 5:45 PM

I wasn't sure if it was or not, all I know is that sex drive makes you think silly things like (it isn't real so it's okay), but once it is all over a sense of guilt falls over you. My first time cyber sex was a few moments ago and I feel like I may have made a mistake, and if I feel guilty then it was wrong of me to do so. I'm cutting it here while it is new, to long have I loved her to simply let it all collapse over something as stupid as this, and better now then to let it escalate to something problematic.
I'm glad I found this site, I'm glad I searched google while the guilt was still kicking my gut hard.

Is it cheating? might be or not, it all is a matter of opinion. So I'm going to go with yes, once it gets out of hand it is cheating.

Thinker

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, February 04, 2009 1:11 PM

Wow...it's been awhile since I last visited here, but I'm very happy I came back to look in.  While I am truly sympathetic with all of you, it feels good to not be alone in this row boat.  I thought I was alone.  I have since broken up with the culprit and my life seems to be on an even tilt for now.  I'm happy and calm again, but the downside is that I am finding it hard to trust again.  Funny how something I have never done has changed my outlook.

Jeane

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, March 18, 2009 1:54 AM

I have experienced this in a different form, just Monday night I found text messages going back a week on my boyfriends phone that he had sent to another woman. (a friend of someone he worked with that he had never met before) saying things like "I like to work it" (followed by a text message saying exactly how he liked to work it) and "you like to suck d***" etc...
He also sent her a "picture" (I am sure you can guess what of) while she sent several of herself. Some of these text messages (including the sucking d*** one) were sent to her while I was sitting right next to him that day! It was a complete accident that I even came upon these text messages (I was attempting to send a picture message to my phone and ended up seeing the picture he had sent her). Seeing that, I did some investigating and found text messages they had sent back and forth. If I hadn't come across them accidentally the idea that he would do this would never have crossed my mind. We are in a stable relationship, and have a great sex life, and we both love each other very much, and up until now, we have had an amazing relationship! He has always been there for me in any way I needed him, and he has always taken amazing care of me. When I confronted him with it, he told me that they were just joking around when he had sent that picture. And he told me that he hadn't sent her any sexual text messages, but refused to let me see them on the principal that I  "should trust him and believe him." He then proceeded to delete all of the text messages in his phone.  However as I already said, I had already seen those text messages and I knew he was not being truthful with me about them. So then he told me he was just "playing along with her" and that he did it because it was "something to do." He also told me that he didn't really think that there was anything wrong with it because he didn't do anything with her and because he had no intentions of doing anything with her. But I don't even know if I can believe that since he lied about the content of the text messages. I am so hurt and confused by what he did! He has promised not to do it again and he has apologized for it.  But I am so hurt. I just can't stop thinking about it! I don't understand why he would do this to me. I feel like he violated my trust. I lost a lot of my trust in him, and I lost a lot of respect for him last night. But I am not ready to give up on our relationship just yet so I accepted his apology and his promise not to do it again. I just do not know if I will ever be able to feel the same way about him again. I have lost all of the sense if security and safety that I had with him before, and it remains to be seen if I will ever get it back. I hope so. I definitely consider this cheating, and even if you don't, it is still hurtful to the person you love and therefore wrong. I can attest to the fact that it really, really hurts when the person you thought your heart was safest with betrays your trust.

Jess

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Saturday, March 28, 2009 12:24 PM

Oh Jess, I am so sorry to hear about this.  I feel deeply for what you are experiencing...Keep checking back on this site there are so many of us out there and we all need this support.

Jeane

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Saturday, March 28, 2009 5:27 PM

Jess, I'm in the same exact situation as you. Almost down to every detail. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. And Everything in our relationship is seriously perfect in literally every way. He takes such good care of me. And I definately wouldn't have expected anything like this from him. Except I found the first text a couple months back. It was between him and a girl he use to go to school with. And I asked him about it because the contents of his text were very hurtfull. And told him the things he said to her made me feel so awful. All he said was she's someone he would never consider doing anything with. Well if that's true I don't understand why he would even give her the time to text back. He just said he was bored and was just going along with her. However, after that first text I didn't trust him at all. Later on I found out he had been talking to multiple girls online as well. Myspace, Facebook, even his music downloader chat rooms. He promised he would stop. And not even a month later we were hanging out and he was one his computer talking to this girl on myspace. When I was right beside him. He's told me now he's talked to maybe 20 random girls throughout our relationship. I don't understand why. And he said he would work on it and has deleted his myspace, and facebook, but I still can't seem to trust him.

Hope

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, April 09, 2009 6:58 AM

I'm an a situation i'm not sure it is cheating or not. I have a boyfriend, we're in a long distant relationship right now, which is going as great as can be, including our sex life. We talk every night, though 6 hours difference are sometimes not easy to hide for me, because i am tired when he just got off of work. So sometimes my body isn't ready for cyber sex, which my boyfriend understands very well and doesn't push me. i love him with all my heart.
I also have my best friend, also far away at the moment, and she too is in a LDR. My boyfriend, my friend and me we talk and chat a lot together. A few days ago, both of them brought up the idea about having a cyber threesome. From the beginning I said i didn't like the idea, but i  tried it anyway. And i didn't like it. But now my friend wants more from my boyfriend, and he admited to me he does as well. It hurts and i explained it to them. With my boyfriend i talk about everything and he understands my point of view, and then said it's just for fun. I don't have to do it, if i don't want it. I need to be myself, he said. I trust him, because he's not the guy to hit on other girls. But my supposedly best friend won't talk to me for 2 days now, since i told her what i felt, because that is what she wanted me to tell her. Now i get the feeling she can't handle what i said. I don't want to loose my boyfriend; we have plans, we want a family, but neither do i want to loose my best friend, but i feel like she misused the trust i had in her. When i introduced her to him, every time she asked me if she can write him. it was ok with me, and now she said she can't stop wanting more of him. I wonder if i did something wrong. I also, feel bad for my friend's boyfriend...i bet he doesn't know what she's doing. Can anybody give me some advise?

Cendy

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, April 14, 2009 7:11 AM

My two cents worth is that if you and another person are consenting to perform a sexual act directed toward each other, and your spouse or partner is not aware of it or you are hiding it from them, then it is a form of cheating.  

chris

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, April 14, 2009 7:20 AM

I have to make an additional comment here...and perhaps seek adivce from other readers.  I have been dating a girl for six months.  We met online in a typical dating forum.  After talking a seeing each other on webcam, we decided to meet in person.
Our attraction was instant and a relationship ensued.  Right away we decided to be exclusive...that was OUR agreement.
A couple of months later I discovered she was engaging in wecam sex with another man she'd never met in person, but had been carrying on with for about the length of time we had known each other.  After confronting her and having lengthy conversations about it she admitted it and vowed to stop.
Two months later I found out that she had sent him a phone video and had engaged him in several phone sex conversations.
How do I address this with her.  She has a tendancy to get defensive about it, and even as recent as yesterday told me that she did not consider webcam sex as cheating...that it was simply "online porn" to her.  
My point is that we agreed not to do it...and yet I am still facing this situation.  She swears to be madly in love with me and says she won't do it again.  What is the best way to handle this?

chris

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, April 14, 2009 7:46 AM

As I read further on this subject, I feel compelled to add more thoughts.  I agree with Hope and Jess above...my situation is very similar.  I have sought the advice of a counselor to talk with.  You have to talk about this with the person you love.  You have to reach some sort of agreement about covert activities like instant messaging, texting, webcam.  The nature of online relationships, particularly those involving distance, requires additional levels of trust from both parties.  The internet makes it so easy to hide behind a persona and behave ways that would be considered hurtful to a loved one.  
It has hurt the trust and confidence that I thought I had in my relationship, and I am trying to overcome this.  Heck, I even went so far as to look on her cellphone due to a lack of trust.  I feel like I have crossed a line in doing so.  My girlfriend said she would delete the phone number of the guy she was having webcam and phone sex with.  Yet, the last time we were together, his name and phone number were on her phone.  I really need more advice from the folks here who are experiencing similar situations. I feel like all this doubt and mistrust are turning me into a suspicious person...and I dont like it one bit!

chris

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, April 23, 2009 10:44 AM

I recently found evidence that my girlfriend of 9 months has been fulfilling her sexual fantasies about women by cybering. I was hurt, crushed and the trust has left all but completely. She says its not cheating but she should have told me. She also tells me that it is a thing of the past.

I just don't know how to continue thus relationship. I have no trust at all. I looked up the topic online and many like myself believe it is cheating esp if it is behind the partners back. If she had come clean and had some SPINE when we first got together things would be different and I would have understood and maybe even participated it in with her.

What to do now?

Johnny

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:23 AM

I stumbled across an unusuall email and it caused me to do some to do some checjing up on my SO. Turns out he has been involved on several phone sex lines and "adult chat" web-sites for the past year. He says the conversations were mild flirtations - it never went anywhere sexually and that he never met or touched any of these women which I can't beleive. It has completely blown trust and security in our relationship. I saw his profile on one site and he even put that he was divorced and what he was looking for so his intent was clear. He actually quit the sites 2 months ago before I found out but, the damage is done and the betrayal still hurts. I feel that it is definately cheating. He went to lengths to cover up his actions and the intent was there. How do you get past this?

Alice

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, July 31, 2009 3:25 AM

Cheating is any time one spouse/partner breaks the trust of his/her significant other. If it's not something you could do with your SO sitting right next to you and knowing what you're doing then it's cheating.
To all of you who are going through the emotional turmoil of this, I am so sorry but take heart that you are not alone and that there are ways to heal yourself if not your relationship. I would start with a book on affairs (like "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass) and you will see that you can identify with many things in there. If you are not yet married I would read more about sexual addictions, especially if your SO cannot seem to stop. It could be a symptom of something much more severe and I would have second thoughts about the relationship in general.
Lastly, don't believe everything your SO will spout at you. Everyone who has gone through similar situations have heard the same excuses, from "boredom" to it being your fault. You are not the one who forced them to lie and deceive or engage in cyber sex. They did that all on their own. And no one ever compromises their morals over boredom. Would you?

anon

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, September 16, 2009 4:28 AM

found myself yesterday in the same situation... found my OS of 6 months  had left his email addy for a girl on a webcam sex site... saying he'd pay to watch her strip. I'm gutted and now find myselfs wondering what to do!?!? So i set up a fake e mail addy and msn him last night saying "wanna cam" he replied hi and i panicked and signed out. Our relationship has been fantastic til now... no problems in any area of our life and were talking children. Now my world is upside down and feel totally disrespected.

manda

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, September 18, 2009 5:12 AM

SO even.. OS i can wok out just the SO i cant!!

manda

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, October 23, 2009 8:12 PM

So I haven't been on here since I had first posted something back in March. And i'm glad I came back to see what everyone else has to say. It's good to know theres so many people in similar situations that I was in. However, since March my boyfriend and I have been great. We worked through every problem involving our trust issues. And it feels great he's now so open with me about everything. And It just shows you can work past anything as long as you both really want to be in the relationship. We are now living together in our first place together and everyday I am glad I built up trust in him again. It's worth it once I look at thrings that are happening now and not bringing up things that have happend many months ago.  Dont get me wrong I still think about everything he's done and all the girls he had talked with every now and then. But I really do think people can change and he has proven that.. I hope all is well with everyone who had posted something on here :)

Hope

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, November 03, 2009 2:41 PM

My boyfriend and I have agreed that porn is okay, sometimes you need a quick fix with your own hands, but I think cyber sex is too personal. When I discovered he was engaging in it, I was so hurt. He sent one message to another girl on my birthday. I have heard that men see cyber sex as just porn, not personal, but it hurts that he would hide it from me if he sees them in the same category. I have confronted him and asked him to stop and he told me that it's only porn to him and now that he knows I won't tolerate it he'll stop. How can I be sure, though? I love our relationship, we've been together for years, and both of us have invested and sacrificed so much for the other. I want to believe him, but I don't know how he can prove to me that he means what he says. Hope, how did you rebuild that trust in your relationship?

suspicious

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, November 06, 2009 6:21 PM

Honestly it was so hard. I thought everything was all good and well and for that to change all the sudden really makes you second guess him. And I totally know what your going through my bf said the same thing. After he knew he was caught and after ALOT of fights I told him if I ever wanted to know anything about anything he ever talked about with any of the random girls he would tell me. I just wanted to know everything. And he told me. IT HURT LIKE HELL! I thought I knew everything he was gonna say but I guess I just wanted to hear it from him. But either way I really felt like he was being honest. And he did alot of convincing by delteing his myspace and facebook. And eventually I stopped wanting to talk about what he did and just focus on where we were with our relationship. And once everything that happend stopped being brought in our arguements then I stopped thinking and  worrying about if he's still doing anything with anyone. And I let him know I was so serious when I said if it happened again then I'm done. and that really got to him! I hope everything works out for you! And just tell him for you to get passed it and start building trust you have to feel like everything is in the open and nothing is still "hidden" from you. That helped me SO much!  

Hope.

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, November 11, 2009 4:51 AM

First of all I'd like to apologize for my rather bad grammar since english isn't my native language.
Well..how do I start.....
For me the internet is a great place to do a research on many topics, and I would never have expected to become a "victim" of one of the topics that have made me shake my head..that is, is cybersex cheating? I always did and will believe it is.
So here is my story...I met a man from the US in february, yes we met online, but not on a dating or sex site. I never really believed in meeting online, but we talked, yes talked, every day, and have got to know eachother pretty good. We shared our daily lifes as much as this would be possible online, and we agreed that we have to meet offline to see if there is truly some chemistry. I must add that he always appeared to be rather jealous, and even before we met he'd sayd that we should be honest about everything. Oh yes, and I couldn't have been more honest, trust me. So, I went over to the US to spend time with him, and it was like finally have met the right person in life. All the doubts I had before were gone, and after we talked about spending our future together he came over as well to meet my kids. Shortly after that he gave me the password to his email account, therefore I could be sure that he is 100% trustworthy. Yeah right....one night I felt the urge to log in...and what I found there kinda hurt....actually all emails were from the time before we've even met online..so, okay, but the words there were exactly the same he'd told me....and the other thing I find a little hard to deal with are those explicit pictures of very young women...my oldest daughter is 20, so I do have a problem with men my age (39) and older that get off watching girls which could be their daughters. I found him being a member on over 10!!! dating and sex sites...well okay, the profiles seemed to be rather old and nothing left in their inboxes. I was hurt, because we've talked about so much and he never mentioned anything like that. He felt embarrassed and asked me to help delete his profiles..wow, that really made me feel special:( After this was donme my gut still told me something was wrong..I discovered he had two other email accounts, and one contained emails that showed the dates shortly before we met and also after I went back home. He had personal pictures of rather young women in those accounts, and he did the daddy/little slut roleplay with one of them...asking when she wants to do cam for him again...etc....he alos offered cam to another young womam. When I confronted him all the sudden his understanding was gone.....I always thought of him as the most understanding, kind and caring man I've ever met....he started to accuse me of have done things which hurt him too...for instance, calling him stupid in an arguement...and that he never really trusted me himself. When I reminded him that we have talked about so many things, including the cybersex thing when being in a relationship and that he agreed when I said I call it cheating...he just replied that he felt safe, and never expected me to find out....he wants me not to worry because it was just something ONLINE!!.Silly isn't it....of course he also came up with the excuse like most of these online cheaters..."I didn't touch the person offline". Funny thing is, he can't understand that I suffer because of what his silly games, but he would understand if I decide to end the relationship with him..odd, isn't it. We planned on getting married, and that I relocate with the kids, and he knew this wouldn't have been easy for me. I guess nothing seems to be important anymore. I doubt that he'll ever stop...the way he tried to safe his own tush just showed that.

Martina

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, November 16, 2009 12:39 AM

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. Mostly long distance. He is graduating next year and I was waiting for him to come home. He has a friend, a girl, whom he is closest too. When he came home from summer last year, I suspected something amiss, as they met up very often. I confronted him, he told me they are just friends, and I had to believe him. This year March, she graduated and came home to our country to work, but at a different state. When he returned this summer, he told me he was going to her place, where she worked, for a holiday with a few other ppl. My suspicion is it was always just them two and the others involved in the trip were phantom.

He has since gone back to study, and she is still here. I have lost my trust in him and I had no choice but to check into his FB account. This morning, I found a message he sent to her, telling her about this sex dream he had with her. And how he ejaculated into the sink while imagining it was her a**.

Im heartbroken and plan to break up with him. Because this proves to me that he and her were always more than friends, and they lied to me all the while. I have no idea if they actually "did it" while they were both there. But how am I supposed to trust him anymore?

Geebster

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, December 17, 2009 3:23 PM

It IS TOTALLY CHEATING!!!!
just two days ago I cause my boyfriend of 3yrs on the internet in the morning and when i came into the room he closed a window and instead of saiing good morning asked what i was doing up?!?!?!  i asked him what he was doing and he said looking at his hotmail.  So thats fine after he leaves for work i went into his computer and looked up the last site he was on and i out some adult friend finder site with naked chicks on it need less to say i was outraged and blowing steam from my ears,  but i kept looking and found that he had a profile on the site saying that he was happy in a relationship but spent lonely nights in another city for work and asking for someone to meet for supper a movie or more if they felt like it.  i had also found emails that had gone back the entire time of our relationship him asking for pictures and now he is french and i dont read or speak it that well but some of the other words in the email that i knew made me feel like shit all i could think is that he does not even say these things to me!!!  After confronting him about it he at first tried to make it sound like not a big deal BUT then it started to kick in that he was in the wrong.  He told me that he was completely happy with what he has and could not explain why he did it now he has been doing this for a few yrs before meeting me and everytime he got caught he didnt have anything worth lossing them but now he does... i should mention i am 8 months pregnant.  so he would be lossing more then just me and what we have build together.  After talking he has deleted all profiles and any email address that he has ever has any kind at all of sexual conversation with.  He swears that he has never ever cheated it made him sick to even think of another women touching him but has made arrangements and just never met up with them.  He says he is totally done and will never do it again.  That he has never had anything to lose until now and does not want to lose what we have.  Let me mention that i never expected anything like this from him i thought i could spend the rest of my life with him and he would never hurt me (i have had a very hard past with guys)  he made me complete and feel like i was worth the world to him. Our sex life has been great except a few times during my pregnancy on off days but that life.  I feel dirty and like what had i done wrong to have this happen, on hour i hate him and the next im crying.  I want to believe that it will never happen again but now i seriously have trust issues with him and wish it never happened.  It hurts beyond any words can explain.  So do i think its cheating MOST DEFINATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

anne

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Thursday, February 11, 2010 6:31 PM

Is Cyber Sex Cheating? Yes. Maybe you aren't physically touching each other, but the fact that you are watching each other live on webcam and can control each other and interact with each other and have each other do whatever the other desires, yes, that is cheating. My husband asked me to look something up on our online bank account. Guess he forgot about the monthly charge that would show up for his webcamsnow.com membership. I feel hurt. I feel ugly. I can't figure out what I did to deserve this or what I did to cause him to turn to this. We've been together 9 years and I according to him our sex life has been "great", but I never in my wildest dreams would think he would cheat on me. I've never considered cheating on him in any way, form or fashion. I'm a stay at home mom of a 9-year-old and twin 3-year-olds; while he is gone days/weeks at a time with work. I hate him and I love him. I feel so betrayed and don't think I've EVER felt as low as I'm feeling now. I'm so confused and mixed up and feel like total crap now. My marriage is on the line because of this and I'm so heart-broken. I work my ass off taking care of the kids while he's away and the last thing I would want is to find out that he had been hiding this about him joining that website. He's asked me about going to counseling with him, but I don't think I can. I honestly don't know that I can trust him again.

Hilary

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, June 02, 2010 11:46 AM

It's definitely cheating!!!  
My fiance of 10 years started "allegedly" sharing and downloading music with his friends.  However, he "allegedly" chats with them for 46 hours a week.  He's locked the computer with a password and gets very nervous if I am in the computer room too long.  The only ones that are allowed in there are my cats. A few days ago I told him I needed to speak to him and when I said that he immediately looked at the computer.  Words weren't necessary because his actions spoke volumes.   He came with a lame excuse that he's not  doing anything with anybody and that he's home.  He's right, he's home but emotionally and mentally he's not.  He's having an emotional bond with someone that doesn't even know him.  We have gone through alot together and I would think that would count for something.  It's really weird to see him go into daydreaming episodes when we're supposed to be together while we're doing activities.  So really I may have him in body but everything else that goes with what what makes a Relationship, is not there.  Distance, coldness, non-responsive are all huge clues.  Even the  anxiousness that is demonstrated if "log on" time is running late are clear indicatives of something more. I doubt he's feeling that way for his "buddies".  In his mind he may think he's not hurting me but he is.  IT REALLY HURTS beyond any words can explain.    

Hurt in Arizona

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Saturday, June 19, 2010 10:05 PM

I don't really have an opinion in this. I do Cyber and, yes, I have a boyfriend, we have been going strong for a long time now.
To me Me cybering is like my man looking up porn. It is normal and they all do it. Yet, why when I cyber sometimes does it feel like I am betraying him. Cybering, like porn, is/can be addicting. Sometimes I want to stop and do, but most of the time I want to stop but can't. I know if he finds out it will cause major tension between us, and mistrust every time he sees me type anything.
In my frame of mind its not that bad, In his (I think...) It is awful and wrong. However, I don't know how to stop...or for that matter tell my cyber buddy that I wanna stop. I am so confused right now...

Kayla

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, June 21, 2010 3:44 PM

A year ago I found out that my husband had a porn/cyber sex addiction. After much betrayal, a try at counseling, and still having suspicious I have been participating in cyber sex. I was lonely and felt unloved because of him. For a couple of months I never felt like I was doing anything wrong because it was all his fault. For some reason my moral compass has changed and I feel it is wrong but have no desire to change. So yes, if he catches me I will blame him for all of this. I would have never had to deal with those feelings of being rejected and isolated if he never developed that addiction. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I have a hard time feeling sympathy for him.

M

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Saturday, July 31, 2010 7:27 AM

I hav been married for 10 weeks to a much younger guy. I'm 40, he's 25. We've only been together 8 months but got married for all the right reasons. We hav had a few things to deal with but are finding our way thru. The thing is, I discovered an open porn webpage about a mth ago. Thts not the problem. The problem is, our sex life dropped dramatically after the honeymoon, when he went back to working evenings (I work days), so when I realized he was looking at porn but was actually rejecting my sexual advances, I looked a little further. I discovered tht most times he is on the computer, he deleted the history. I also discovered a way to still see tht history & am very upset with what I've found. He is looking @ porn most days, not the biggest problem for me if it was occasional & we were making love as often as I want. I hav found tht he is viewing sec chat sites & sec matchmaking sites. I feel sick & don't know how to deal with this.....or even if one can deal with it. It's not like I stopped putting out (he has) nor am I a prude. I am very highly sexes & willing to try new things. I get off on getting my husband off & do a good job of it. I so scared to broach this with him for so many reasons, not the least tht I snooped but also I am scared tht he thinks it ok.... It's not for me..... I don't think.... I feel hurt & unattractive & I already had some insecurities marrying a man so much younger. What do I do???

Ali

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Saturday, August 14, 2010 8:10 PM

I've battled with this question within myself over and over again. I am a female who occasionaly does chat online with a guy friend. We've only ever cybered once and I felt so guilty afterwards that I never did it again. We still talk and flirt back and forth on the chat, however. My husband knows that I talk to this guy and doesn't mind, but I know he would if he found out about the flirting. I get really lonely at home by myself so I turn to chatting. My husband works nights and the baby is asleep by 7. So after I get done with whatever household chores that need to be done I hop on the computer. I don't know if I can call it cheating, but I do know that I would never physically meet the guy and have any physical relations with him. It is such a gray area and it is hard for me to say it is cheating. However, I do no that it isn't right.

Christina

# Cyber Sex Cheating @ Wednesday, August 18, 2010 8:23 PM

I wanna cheat sexy girl.(For sexual)

K.MyoNaing

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, August 23, 2010 4:28 PM

Me and Boyfriend have been together for over a year and have been living together for about 6 months. He is leaving to go to University at the other end of the country next week. Its been tough accepting that we would have to be in a long distance relationship but we agreed to try and make it work. But when I went onto our Laptop we share, he had left his user logged in. Curiousity got the better of me because recently he had been staying up on the computer til the early hours of the morning. I found his chat logs on there and found out he had been having cybersex and exchanging pictures with a lot of girls. Not just his msn, but over his emails and he is signed up to a dating site too. Im absolutely devastated and I feel completely betrayed. He always told me how much he loved me and that he would never hurt me, and yet this is something I never expected he would do. The trust is gone, and the fact hes leaving for University will make everything so much worse. I love him so much and the thought of not been with him I cant comprehend but he has hurt me so much. He's said he'll never do it again, and that he will delete them all. But I don't believe him. What do I do?

Emma

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, September 10, 2010 12:48 PM

Yes, it's cheating.  If you do it while you're with someone else in a relationship it's cheating.  Maybe you've convinced yourself you're not doing anything wrong.  Maybe for some reason you have been hurt or you're bored and this is your way of getting back at someone who isn't there for you. It's still wrong and it's still cheating and it is probably the most horrible thing you could do to someone.  So work on your problems, if they can't be worked out, then reconsider the relationship.  Do not resort to cheating.  Do not do such a horrible thing to someone, even if you think they won't find out.  If they do find out they are incredibly hurt by this, and the damage may not be able to be repaired.  Put yourself in their shoes, try to think about how your actions would affect this person.  Would you be hurt if someone you loved did the same thing? Now, get off the internet, and find something you are good at that can help the world or someone else instead of hurting someone.

Stacey

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Wednesday, February 02, 2011 1:31 AM

Glad I came across this thread.  I have a SO of 4 years, and about 6 weeks ago went to an adult chat site.  Ended up having webcam sex and got hooked... I've probably done it on 10 occasions since then.  All along, I never considered it cheating.  In my mind, it was much more akin to porn.  "Interactive porn" - no big deal.

After my last webcam encounter, though, I felt dirty.  REAL dirty.  Googled "is webcam sex cheating," and voila, here I am.  I've spent the last hour or so reading everyone's two cents here, and on similar forums... and I've come to the realization that I really need to reevaluate my idea of what cheating is, and what love is.  I've never done anything like this before - I feel like it was something I got sucked into, and it took a little while for me to realize how wrong it was.  And I feel shitty about it, to say the least.

So, I've closed my MSN account, and the fake e-mail account that was used to create it.  I've sworn to never look back at this episode in my life.  I'm even considering deleting my porn collection - something that she claims to not have a problem with (she watches porn too from time to time), but also something that I'm starting to believe is in fact a significant problem for me.  I guess the question is whether I should tell my SO about this brief camming period of mine.  Any advice?

a guy

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Friday, May 20, 2011 9:01 AM

this is the second time in my life i've had a partner who has cheated on me via the internet. the first goes back almost 10 years ago, and i've dealt with the phobia ever since.

it destroyed me in so many ways, but it is not until my most recent relationship, that i realized the actual long term damage it has caused me.

my most recent boyfriend knew i had all these issues i was dealing with, which oddly enough, only surfaced since we got together, and he pretended to show real concern and empathy for my situation.

so the last thing i needed was to come home a few weeks ago and discover he'd collected numerous video footage of guys masturbating.

it was all very confusing, and as it turns out, his explanation was that he would use these videos to post up in chat rooms, in order to lure women into doing the same for him on camera.

i've always considered myself an open minded person, but instantly felt deceived and betrayed in a huge way, especially since he already knew about the trauma that was a result of my past boyfriend having put me through the same thing.

as a result, i am completely damaged, and my phobia is worse than ever. will i ever recover? will i ever trust any man again?

cleopatra

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, August 15, 2011 10:59 AM

I just went away for a week-long trip, and while I was gone, my boyfriend had phone sex (with random people, on one of those paid lines), and I think also tried cybersex/ webcams.  He says that it was because he was lonely and sexually frustrated.  And I don't think he'd do it if I was around.  But I'm still really upset.  Trying not to be, but I totally am.  How do I get it across to him how I feel, without coming across as judging and making him defensive?  The thing is, I have no problem with both of us masturbating when we're not together.  We also had skype sex while I was away.   I read some porn while I was away.  But the phone sex thing seems very different to me; a lot more intimate, and it just doesn't feel ok to me.  What should I do?

queenie

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, August 22, 2011 4:26 PM

I never  had any thoughts on cyber sex before, not until now. The reason for this is it was the last thing i thought would ever damage my marraige. My computor caught a virus so a friend of mine helped me out as  i am not very good at sorten that sort of thing out. O yes we found where it had come from as we had to go into his e-mails. I have been with my spouse f
or 14 yrs and never in that time have i ever checked his mail.
My husband for years has been on short hours work and i have been the breadwinner, this has never botherd me as that is what one does when things are hard.Cash has always been tight but all bills where paid by me,most of his wages was for himself. For a long time in fact years i have felt very lonely in my relationship, but then i know why ... he simply was'nt with me in mind or body. Sex for me was a thing lost to the past, i tried so often to have him love me , MInd you he was having a ball of a time. Now i am talking about a 54 year old man and one of the girls only looked about 16. I cried for myself but although those girls and my husband have ruined my trust and my out look in life ,i feel a bit sorry for them and all those others and the reason i say that is I WILL NOT LET THEIR CHEAP AND NASTY DISGUSTING ACTS which my cheating mean husband enacted with ,make me feel it has to be my fault,thats what we do the ones who are left to feel hurt...it has to be my fault.. but no i say to the ones who are going through this it is not. To join the dateing sites as you all know costs money,and it is not cheap. What hurts me so much was that he has so many girls and he is meeting them on site often, sending them gifts of cash as some are pleading hardship but before anyone says that these poor girls are in dire need of money , as they are claiming,I only buy what we need and any extras come from saveings, I cant understand why he is so kind in sending gifts to these girls when i cannot remember the last time he even gave me a xmas or birthday card, let alone a gift of any sort. Perhaps someone can help me understand this guy.  ps my friend and i had to stop looking at the videos,he had saved them,and yes i do admit i could never do for him what those girls did but the one thing i did give him.  which he will never get from those sites was pure simple love. I feel so sad as i can never feel that again for him

lesley cafferky

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Monday, August 22, 2011 4:29 PM

This site has helped me a lot as i thought i might be overacting, but no as sadly there are many more feeling so hurt over those thoughtless selfish acts.

lesley cafferky

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, October 18, 2011 1:24 PM

i am sex requered

prinka

# re: Is Cyber Sex Cheating? @ Tuesday, November 29, 2011 1:26 AM

I just found out that my bf of 1.5 years started to have cyber sex with another guy. I was shocked to say the lease and I am deeply hurt. Should I dump his ass to the curb and move on with my life?

Peter

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