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The Drumming Dervish

Coffee Chat Musings . . . Juicy Blessings ( & lots o' yummy, interesting stuff:-)

Living Like Room mates

It's more common than you think. The relationship or marriage has a rocky place and from that point onward, it's more like a room mate situation- high functioning but no sex.

Children, finances, friends and livelihood all 'tied up' IN the relationship.

It's common, I hear about it all the time. I've 'been there, done that'. I have callers who describe this & friends who are living w/it.

People survive this way for years.

Ever wonder WHY?

. . . food for thought

 

Published Saturday, July 07, 2007 12:36 PM by Ms Claritynow
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# re: Living Like Room mates @ Saturday, July 07, 2007 10:00 AM

I do know about this kind of thing! Good post!

caliope123

# re: Living Like Room mates @ Saturday, July 07, 2007 12:20 PM

Sadly this is a very common situation than people realize. I think it is mostly about being afraid to step out of your comfort zone, you get comfortable being with the same person and even if the love is gone it "feels" safer to keep the status quo than having to start over from scratch with someone new.

gipseegirl

# re: Living Like Room mates @ Saturday, July 07, 2007 8:28 PM

Dear Gipsee and Fawn:

I have many clients who live in these types of relationships.  Sometimes they are able to reach out and find a way to heal the relationship but sometimes they just will settle for less. They become complacent and do not want to step out of their comfort zone in fear of what the change would bring for them.  If you tell them they should try to find a means to bring more in their lives they will back away and sometimes they will seek affairs to fill in what they are lacking within their marriages or relationships.  It is fear that is the controller in these associations usually.  It is very sad for me to deal with because there is so much more to life than just getting by.  When it is time however they will move into a new situation if something does not change.

Blessings to you both
Rosie

Rosalea

# re: Living Like Room mates @ Saturday, July 07, 2007 11:21 PM

I find it sad that so many people "settle" and don't leave what isn't working to find what it is they need :(  Love this post and really looking forward to more reasons WHY :)

nova52799

# re: Living Like Room mates @ Sunday, July 08, 2007 6:14 AM

You know, I think I'm going to work on a longer version of this post:)

Ms Claritynow

# re: Living Like Room mates @ Saturday, September 15, 2007 6:30 PM

Living like roomates is hell.  It is not comfortable.  It is an illusion of comfort.  You look around and see happy couples and you feel so disconnected from it.  You feel apathetic.  You lose and have lost the faith to believe that there is happiness for you anymore.  Especially when you are older and have been married for 15, 20, 25 years.  Your spouse (so called) may be a TV addict, a workaholic, an avoider etc.  He may enable you and you may enable him by staying.  He doesn't pay attention to you or your grandchildren.  He is not emotionally supportive.  He never had time for dates and has always had sexual issues.  You find yourself asking why you have stayed for so long.  Once you were a beautiful 30 year old looking forward to a great marriage.  Now your a bitter 50 year old with no love and affection or happy memories to enjoy.  You supported him while he was working his way up to success.  But he would never even commit to buying a home.  You may be financially dependent on him and that is why you can't leave.  It is not about happiness or comfort it is about fear and about sadness and about the loss that this relationship has taken on your self esteem.  How do you regain a sense of yourself or enough confidence to break away?  I wish I knew that.  I wish someone would tell me.....I wish I could tell you too so that you would not have to live in such an unhappy and unfullfilling state anymore.

wshIwashappy

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