My rebellious teenage juggling farmer’s market peach selling clowning Greek future scientist!
As I thankfully sip on java and look forward to spending some family time over turkey, there are a few things I believe I'm pretty grateful for. A biggie is what's going on with my daughter NOW.
Last spring my entire motherhood turned upside down when my new 18 year old (still a junior in high school) Katie decided it was time to fully rebel and exert her independence. Actually the rebellion had been building up over the course of several months so I don't know why I was so shocked.
It was a simple case of "give me the car keys!" which went on to "I'm moving in with my boyfriend who now has his own apartment" to "fine then, don't come back until we can respect each other!" (Believe me, I'm sure my words weren't so perfectly, maternally sweet – but I try! And I assure you her attitude wasn't so wonderful at the time either) . . . So, this led to 6-7 months of loss & limbo with each other.
Up to a few months earlier, before the new friends entered her scene - who LOVE to party- & became THE central importance of her life, she'd been this straight 'A', orchestra violinist with friends most parents pray for.
But this darling girl was never truly happy in that world and wanted so very much to have some real teenage fun. I couldn't blame her, I mean, look at ME? Basically I was so good at finding her the protective environment she was in, because of my own personal past. Need not say more . . .
When we moved away from the back wood hills of KY to the MI burbs (long story!) my Pippi Longstocking free spirited daughter changed from a two different colored socks every day hippytaskic magical child, to a well groomed, self conscious, preppy kid overnight. Ahhhck. That was in fourth grade, but we both never got over it.
So here we were, she'd been experimenting with the dangerous nectars of 'teenagedom' and out of fear for her safety of compromising her grand future self . . . a woman who would become a PhD great author, doctor and scientific genius & run triathlons while raising my grand babies- I decided to take back my car, because I found hard liquor in the trunk.
So she disappeared and didn't come home and I was a nervous wreck. She was living with her boyfriend, also a junior in high school, whose parents were paying for his rent and both lived out of town!
Can't turn off her phone, she may need it while walking around the dark streets or if she gets lost out in the boonies with her party friends. Can't back down . . . . yada yada yada.
I call her father. He's in SF, CA and not been a regular in raising her, as far as money and day to day needs were concerned; but had kept in close touch as a cool artistic dad-friend.
I ask him to help (this is the first time in 18 years I've ever called him for help with her, believe it or not. I always figured that if I ever needed to ask him for help it was going to have to feel like life and death and be a BIG deal). He and I have several animated conversations over this situation,conversations lasting days and covering the full spectrum of blaming and picking apart how it could have come to this! Looking back now, it was two parents finally realizing our baby had grown up and realizing the new chapters we were about to face.
We're both freaked. Our baby girl, she's off with that boyfriend, has disappeared, not calling, doing God knows WHAT substances, WTF!
But he was very suspicious of me and blamed me for pushing her to do this. He was on her side behind the scenes, I could feel it. He also kept up a semblance of support for me at the time and agreed to take her early to SF as soon as we could get her there for the summer. He called her and she said yes, I bought a ticket five minutes after I heard this.
I won't lie, I parked at a playground on the way home from work one morning and screamed and cried my eyes out into a jacket until exhaustion forced me home. That helped actually, I could sleep again after this.
So she became a great biker, riding her bike from Will's apartment to school, and everywhere else she needed to go. Her old preppy friends, well she lost some of them during her gypsy days out there, because their parents didn't approve of what she'd chosen to do. Yes I spoke to the school and to Will's parents and to everyone else. I talked tooooo much actually!
Meanwhile, we had a couple weeks to keep my street child safe until she flew off to CA. I called my ex husband's ex wife and mother of two of Katie's siblings. She's like a sister to me and this is a unique funny story in itself. After my divorce nearly 16 years ago to Katie's father, she was with him for eight years running a theater non profit with him and had two children. I was relieved and happy to move on and she became a friend, we exchanged child care!
So she loves Katie dearly, like a second mom would. She came as fast as she could by car from Wilmington, NC, to see if her presence with Katie's siblings would maybe lure her back home. This worked a little, and there's one scene that stands out.
Sushi Night! We invited her for sushi (it's her favorite) and dressed up like clowns . . . with the hair, the red noses, horns and costume. We were sick of the mama drama and wanted some comic relief! We're all jugglers so by the time she came, there was the sushi and here we were juggling and clowning. Crissie was going through a hula hoop making phase, she's GOOD, and so we had one of her hoops and were playing with that, too. I think this night broke the ice a bit and at least we all got a few good laughs.
Her dad got her a job working selling peaches at the farmer's market and she was okay for a while until a theater gig brought them to Minnisota, which is close to Michigan, so here come's Katie back to her boyfriend again, by train.
Her dad apologised for his skeptism in grand style, btw, after having his own summer experiences with our daughter.
Dad swings by in his truck to pick her up on route to NC and they drive south to pick up her siblings- and then off they go to NYC where they fly from there to Greece for the rest of the summer. She's half Greek, he's all Greek, and so they all went to the grand folks to eat good food and swim in the Agean for a month poor things.
You'd think when she returned home, we'd have our old Katie back, but she was still being a stubborn Capricorn, determined to follow through with her plans to live with Will, despite the irritating clown mothers with their sushi, and all the travel plans her parents kept her busy with all summer. Despite all our best efforts to 'take her away from it all!' lol
Me? I couldn't stand the emotional wreck I'd become and decided to go camping all summer. You can tell from the photos I took on my page that I became quite artistic lol. I bought an awesome tent and every other week for two to three days at a time, went camping at a different state park in MI.
I became a really resourceful camper! Katie even camped with me when she came home to see Will between SF and Greece. She told me that I was a 'high class' camper, we were queens on the beach!
Crissie and her family came through MI again as they were moving to Eugene, Oregon at summer's end. The drove here in their sweet little 'scoobie doo' camper, and we all stayed on the beaches of Lake Mi as was our new tradition.
So now Katie is living mostly at home again, but still part time with her boyfriend. She's gotten the substance experimentation under control and she's straight A's again, working part time at a Chinese restaurant and about to get the car back. Don't tell her this,yet lol
Next week we're traveling south to an admissions appointment for her - at Berea College where I graduated, her father and his brother graduated, and where her great grampa taught as a music professor.
If she makes it in, she'll have a full scholarship for all four years! She has applied as pre med. Hmmm. I wonder if she'll change to art, she's such a wonderful graphic artist!
I know this is an odd story, but not so unfamiliar to all the single moms & dads out there (and also to NOT so single moms & dads, too) who go through these painful labor pains twice – once while bringing them into this world, and again while letting them GO. Sigh.
Light,
Fawn
