Radical Forgiveness & Other Stuff - You Be the Judge
I never read the book but I know I practiced this at least once! I know because a miracle happened as a result of forgiving someone most people couldn't or wouldn't understand WHY. Or that I even had it in me to do.
16 years ago my marriage was falling apart and I had a two year old daughter to care for. He was a Greek college lover turned husband who had a nasty habit of cheating. It wasn't just with one, he may as well have been a swinging single. I worked on salary as a pizza hut delivery manager right out of college, and had just weaned my breast feeding toddler.
My artist/theatrical husband did not have a job. I'd give him money to buy us a bed because the mattress on the floor was feeling pretty hard. He'd spend it on everything else BUT a bed. I'd come home to see a pretty blond posing for him as he painted at the easel. It was disgusting how I let things go so long.
One day I decided that the next cute guy he brought home would be MY next date! He brought home a couple really sweet lookers and one took me out to a movie. That was about it, but my husband went in to a jealous rage. It was quite too late because he'd been courting a girl who he got pregnant so there wasn't much HE could say.
Needless to say, I felt I had a lot to forgive.
It was so horrible, those days. I was so depressed and angry. I made myself sick with grief and ended up in the hospital with an exploratory lap and appendectomy.
One day I lay in my bedroom on a mattress on the floor looking toward our shared closet. I began to feel anger at the fact that his clothes were touching mine. I mean, he was out with HER and I was there alone with our daughter. He had no right to keep his things in that closet next to mine. I took everything out to the dumpster and tossed it. That night it rained on his favorite leather boots.
So ya know, stuff like that went on for a while. Include an assortment of psychic dreams. I began to feel like the anxiety I was experiencing was taking over my mind. I thought I'd snap, that I'd go crazy! Irrational fears began to creep in and I remember a full blown panic attack!
Laying there alone on my bed having an anxiety attack at the end of my marriage, I remember something I knew but had forgotten about how when the ego (self) begins to transform and change, it fears it's death. The death feels scary and it fights for it's ego life.
My ego at the time was my identity. I was his WIFE. The role I'd been playing was his lover, his wife, his friend, his companion . . . we shared a life! If this was ending than something was dying. My dying ego panicked and I freaked. This was what was physically and mentally happening to me, I realized as I lay there alone in my bedroom.
I searched for some relief. I needed to know what I could spiritually do to fix things. I began to search my heart for what was trapped. I thought of HER, his new girlfriend. I thought of HIM. I thought of THEM with my baby, because as much as I hated this, they did spend time alone with her while I was at work.
It wasn't fair. I was furious. I was helpless. I was hurting myself with the pain and bitterness.
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THIS IS WHERE THE CHOICE TO MAKE LEMONADE OUT OF LEMONS COMES IN.
RIGHT HERE . . . IS WHERE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN THE LESSON MY SOUL HAD CHOSEN . . . WAS OFFERED ME.
I COULD HAVE HARBORED HATE AND UNFORGIVENESS FOR YEARS TO COME.
I COULD HAVE CREATED POOR HEALTH AND FUTURE UGLY RELATIONSHIPS AND IN TURN CREATED DISHARMONY WITH OUR DAUGHTER DUE TO MY OWN ISSUES.
I COULD HAVE CREATED ANOTHER LIFE CYCLE OF PAIN AND CRISIS SITUATIONS WITH THESE DIVINE SOULS WHO HAD COME TO MY LIFE TO TEACH ME ABOUT MYSELF.
THIS IS A PLACE AND SPACE MANY FIND THEMSELVES IN.
THERE IS A CHOICE, ALWAYS A CHOICE, ABOUT HOW TO PROCEED:
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So I began to pray there on that bed. I prayed for release from this bondage of pain. It was tearing my life apart! I envisioned HER and started the process here. She was younger than me, she was a victim of his attentions and he could persuade and convice. I decided to like her and to celebrate her entrance in my life because she was a catalyst for change and I was going to be free from this cheater.
A part of me knew I was better off without him. I connected with THAT part of me and went with it. I then thought of HIM and decided to understand this whole thing from a past life perspective. This intensity was too harsh, it MUST be karma and in order to STOP this pattern of pain, to end the cycle, I MUST decide to do something different this time.
I pulled the cords binding me to him out of my emotional and spiritual body. I envisioned these cords pulling out. I sent them back to HIM and the ones that refused to go I AXED them and if I couldn't cut them with the ax I exploded them with explosives. I sent the ends of the cords back to him WITH LOVE and repeated over and over, "I forgive You".
I sent HER these words, too. "I forgive you!"
I asked my angels to help me out here. I prayed to the LIGHT which is always there, I need only tap in to feeling and knowing it's there. I felt the LIGHT growing stronger as I did this. I swear the room filled with angels. I was experiencing a divine intervention. I kept praying and visualizing,
"I forgive YOU, I forgive ME, I forgive US!"
I kept this up until I felt true and real love. Love for both of them. I felt love and forgiveness and it was real. I was shown (by my guides and angels) that our cycle was broken. This painful dance with the three of our souls would NEVER happen again in another life. In fact it was ending NOW in this one!
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER: I WAS SO VERY THANKFUL THIS HAD HAPPENED ONCE I SAW THIS THROUGH SPIRITUAL EYES! OMG, THANK YOU FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY TO OVERCOME AND HEAL, TO SEE HOW IT IS DONE!
I was shown that the love both of US had experienced was unique and nothing could replace it. HE and HER were a different flavor of something, but they were not US!
This is when the MIRACLE occurred. I began to laugh and cry there as I felt liberation. OMG I was free. I felt so much love for him and for her and for me and I could sense the angels celebrating. I really did forgive us all.
I was free!
The next time I saw HIM he approached me with skeptism and caution. Suddenly out of the blue I said to him, "I forgive you, I forgive me, I forgive us. It's true so get used to it."
THE VERY ACT OF FORGIVING HIM RELEASED ME FROM EVER HAVING TO EXPERIENCE HIS BETRAYAL AGAIN. I NO LONGER HELD ANY EXPECTATIONS REGARDING HIM AND NOW I COULD LIVE MY OWN HAPPY LIFE! WHY? BECAUSE UNFORGIVENESS KEPT ME A PRISONER.
The look on his face was priceless. Looking back now I see it as the beginning of our wonderful NEW history!
He didn't believe me at first. SHE didn't either. But time after time they saw me, they began to know I meant it . . . by my behavior and my attitude.
I really had LET IT GO.
I mean, I really don't look at him and think, "He's that **hole husband". The miracle is, those wifey feelings were GONE. Zip zero. What do ya know, it's a radical forgiveness side effect! Ha!
THE TRUE MEANING OF-
'FORGIVENESS IS LIKE DRINKING POISON AND WAITING FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE' -
CAME SHINING THROUGH.
As a result, do you know what happened?!!!!!
Within a month I had an AWESOME new man in my life. A beautiful, healthy & healing new relationship.
My home transformed in to happiness, laughter and many MANY friends.
My daughter got really happy, too.
My health improved tenfold.
I was their new son's first babysitter! Yep.
I became like a big sister to the new wife, and we shared a true bonding friendship, raised our children together, between our two homes.
To this day, 16 years later, I am friends with both of them. They are now divorced and she remarried with two kids from HIM and one from her new man.
He isn't remarried and is hardly dating anymore. He's grown up ALOT emotionally.
Funny thing, when they were going through their difficult divorce years ago and we all lived in three seperate states . . .
When they weren't talking to each other - I got a Christmas present from each of them!!! lol
We are ALL still on friendly terms.
We are FAMILY.
For the sake of our children, and for US, this is a great blessing.
16 YEARS LATER WE COME TO EACH OTHER'S RESCUE THROUGH THICK AND THIN. WE HAVE SAVEd EACH OTHER IN MANY EMERGENCIES AND BEEN AROUND FOR ALL THE GOOD AND BAD TIMES. OUR CHILDREN (FOUR CHILDREN) ARE AS CLOSE AS SIBLINGS CAN BE, AND THOUGH ALL OF US LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES IN DIFFERENT HOMES, WE STAY CONNECTED.
The decision I made didn't only set ME free . . . (smile)-
I'm convinced that the miracle of this halted a cycle . . . an endless karmic circle of us all, living out unfinished business of life time after life time of betrayal, blame and unforgiveness. I also know that I'm not innocent in this, my soul knows it has done it's karmic share over cosmic time, as well!! Just that in this lifetime, the choice was in MY lap. This time. That's all. This time.
**IF I HADN'T MADE THAT CHOICE, MY LIFE WOULD NOT BE THE JOYFUL ONE IT IS TODAY. **
Weird stuff, huh?! :)
OF ALL CONCEPTS I SHARE, THIS ONE REGARDING FORGIVENESS CREATES THE GREATEST RESISTANCE IN PEOPLE. MANY CAN'T SEEM TO GET PAST THE HORROR OF THEIR LIFE ADVENTURE . . . LONG ENOUGH TO SEE A DEEPER MEANING & SPIRITUAL LESSON.
OH THE PAIN! HOW IT HURTS. NO DOUBT CUTS LIKE A SWORD.
It's common to seperate the physical life from the spiritual life, as if each are entities which are not connected.
hee hee****************************************************
And the funny thing about this story of mine . . . the weirdest stuff like the zany coincidences and such - these have for the most part been omitted, for sake of room- in order to tell THIS!
Yet, I know from my life, that WE ARE ALL CONNECTED and it can be very healing if we refrain from judgement for a bit and see how it all unfolds through open-minded eyes.
Light,
Fawn