Personality Dynamics of Rrelationships (Part 2)
Too much of what happens in relationships is based on power struggles and not genuine concern. It becomes more about winning than about the underlying issue. Someone usually allows the other person to win to simply end the conflict leaving unresolved resentments and anger which have to be dealt with later and usually in the wrong place and the wrong time over a minor issue that could have been resolved simply. I find bullying behavior occurs bothe in men and women but more frequently in men yet when it occurs in the women it can be more pernicious and vile.
When we stop assigning sterotypical labels to the people we are involved with we begin to see them as different people. Not all behavior by women that is disagreeable to men is "bitchy" and not all men are "dicks". First rule in a disagreement or fight there is absolutly no name calling. You can think them but you can't say them. Second rule if it didn't happen just now don't bring it up the past is the past leave it there. This is again a result of not dealing with the issues that arise immiedately.
While these suggestions are for more long term relationship how do we deal with new ones that really haven't even started yet. When we first meet someone or start dating we make this huge effort not to hurt their feelings or to offend them in anyway as this may be a potential long term relationsip. It seems we are saving all that up for later when they can't leave us. For any relationship to work whether short or long term there must be honesty even to the point of being brutal and blunt. If we accept behavior that offends us in the beginning how can we complain later without looking like an idiot. I would rather you would hurt my feelins now and give me a chance to fix it than make me believe that my behavior is ok and then suddenly use it against me in an argument. Relationships should be fun and exciting, there should be a natural flow to the action and interaction between the two people. To often we try to drive the square peg into the round hole hopeing no one will notice. Stop believing that he or she is your only and last chance to be happy or be with someone. Try not to direct the course of love for it it find you worthy it will direct your course.