Cofidence, get to know you!!!
The stories in this article in no way reflect my opnion of the groups represented in this blog. They are just examples and stereotypes of diffferent groups used to help explaine different ways of thinking.
There are many modern thinkers and self-help guru's out there who will tell you how you should think. That's all fine and dandy for Amoebic pod people with a hive mind. As we are all in some way human none of us are exactly alike, nor do we think the same or feel the same way. So this only get's us so far.
Modern society has shown us that it's not cool if your different, but I beg to differ. Take high school for exampleand compare the two very different dynamics. The cool kid jocks and cheerleaders who relished in their insecurity by making themselves untouchable by forming that intimidating clique that no outsider dare try to breach by simply being who they are. Seemingly emotionless, save anger and hostility, which any rational person can tell is just another way to cover up the pain of being truely lost and alone.
Then there are the nerds, geeks, smart kids and pleasantly meek youth who will do anything within reason just to fit in and connect with other humans who manage to be themselves. Which proves to these nerdy "outcasts" that I can do it and yes it will work.
Now ask who the bigger success stories are. It's these smart kids that always worry about how to better themselves that seem to have done so much better. Ever wonder why??
There are several reasons I'm sure, but a few major ones that fit in with a formula that is never to late to execute. First off, don't sweat the small stuff. Mistakes happen all the time. That's right, there is no need to get depressed or bent out of shape when you spill a cup of coffee. Especially when you have a dozen ways to get another one. Negative reactions will most often lead to further negative encounters and communication and will in fact most likely throw off your who day, week, and month. Further more, don't over analyze the mistakes you made. Sometimes these things just happen and criticising your decisions will often lead to you "punishing" yourself by avoiding similar situations in the future. Instead, try taking a breath and logically thinking about how you can get to what you want now that this mistake happened.
Second is self image. Lets go back to most the popular kids. They spend, no doubt, countless hours making sure they look and seem perfect. How else are they gonna fit in with the other perfect looking popular kids?? All that time and money spent on the right clothes, perfect hair and makeup, and maintaining the perfect shape and image. Meanwhile, underneath it all a blatent lack of any real substance. So afraid and insecure deep down inside beacuse one day they may find themselves all alone having to deal with their emotions and insecurities. so they distract themselvs by keeping extra busy on the surface.
Now, let us go back to the nerdy chick who decides one day, "I like green and pink". Then she wears a green bow with pink polka dots in her hair. One of the popular girls on the bus makes a nasty comment about how tacky that bow is just to make her feel bad for being herself. So she sticks her head down in a book and focuses on it for her test later in the day. In the long run of things it didn't really affect her that poorly because she chose not to overreact and instead breathe and focus on what's important. Yes, she is different and herself. So she's nerdy, and overweight, and likes green and pink. So she is different, but she is still secure enough to want to get somewhere in life. We are made in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. You can be confident in knowing that we are all also individually attracted to all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Ultimately, we don't need to fit into an entire group so long as we fit in with ourselves. Then we have our own group called Individuals. A very wise friend of mine once said one can not truely know them self until they spend a good deal of time by them self.
Now onto you the individual. First thing is first.. YOU ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY!!! Say it outloud to yourself.. go ahead... now stand in front of the mirror and say it to yourself. Be confident in the fact that no problem is unsolvable. There is this lovely thing called common sense we all seemed to have lost in the 60's and are still just barely regrasping here in 2012. Combined with the mighty Vulcan logic our brains are more powerfull then any computer. Add instinct and intuition to that and the Human Being is one finely tuned problem solving machine. You just have to be willing and open to all of these things, combined with not allowing you emotions or feelings to get in your way. I know, much easier said then done. Thats because this requires confidence and bravery. To quote Wayne Gretszy "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
Just tell yourself this every time you have a big decision to make. If you don't try you will never know.
Now lets look at our reactions shall we?? Back to those two girls on the bus. The popular girl insults the nerdy girl's bow. Why?? It makes her feel bigger to insult the girl's fashion. It gets a reaction out of her friends and makes her look like some kind of authority. The nerdy girl who spends most of her time by herself does not react negatively. She ignores it and tunes the popular girl out. She studies her book on the way to school and aces her test in class later that day. The nerdy girl is secure in knowing she has a future because she does well in school. She knows deep down she will do well in college and go on to have a fabulous life secure in what she does for a living.
The popular girl goes home and looks in the mirror at herself finding every minor physical flaw while ignoring the flaws deep down inside herself. Her need to insult, bully, and take command through intimidation. Does she go on to have a successful future? Likely, she does by marrying the right man and having a minor career. Still insecure in herself, she values herself by her appearance and how much stuff she has. Filling her life with more prattle and noise while still never having to get to know the real her.
The point here is that being different, not fitting in, and not worrying so much about what others people think of you as a person is a good thing. You can not please everyone. So don't try. Instead, try and please yourself.
I encourage all of my readers, clients, and friends to take some you time. Take a day or two to spend by yourself. Get to know the real you. Talk a walk all alone, reflect on what you want for you. Breathe and get to really know your best friend, YOU!!! This way when you get back to life you have a valuable ally. Someone who really knows what you want and someone to help you get it.
Yes, it is important to give to others, but you must give to you first and foremost. It's okay to be selfish once in awhile. You have to treat yourself with dignity and respect if you are to treat others the same way or be treated by others that way.
Best wishes for 2012
Edited by: Olivia
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