Retro-Dating: The 17 Dates Method
First, I speak from a position of both personal and shared experience, along with the best scientific data I can find....I'm a dual-hemispheric person--a Whole-Brainer. So useful information, for me, is the type that comes with corroboration.
That said, one of the most effective Dating techniques ever offered, in my opinion, is the 17 Dates Method, developed by Justice Harlow. It's a form of what I call Retro-Dating. It basically states that you should have 17 dates with someone before becoming too intimate. This allows you time to get to know someone in a real way without complicating the situation. In modern society, this viewpoint has fallen by the wayside, and only seems to exist in some dusty photo album brought out on holidays by our grandparents. But our grandparents understood something crucial. It is SMART to get to know someone platonically, before you become intimate with them. Fewer hearts are broken, fewer bank accounts are ravaged, and fewer diseases are transmitted.
Another reason I believe it is BEST to do the 17 dates without having full-on sex, is because sex, and specifically, shared orgasm, can CHANGE EVERYTHING. We are no longer thinking primarily with our logicical minds--which I feel is crucial at the beginning stages. Sex releases certain chemicals in the brain like endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, and vasopressin, which results in a condition that research has clearly shown is the same as that experienced by those with Obssessive Compulsive Disorder. This means you can no longer think clearly, and are motivated by these chemicals, rather than by your own good sense. The emotional aspects can filter in later, but becoming seriously involved requires an initial period of prudence, caution, and clear-headed discernment...if there are no red flags or deal breakers after that point, it is then relatively "safe" to let yourself go completely and allow those emotional aspects to emerge fully.
If, instead, you give in to complete intimacy (i.e., that which leads to orgasm) then logic, prudence and caution is overridden by the emotions brought on by brain chemicals. Then your choices are based on that, and not on what might be data that would save you from great loss and heartache.
Now, having said this, I also recognize that it is often NEAR IMPOSSIBLE in certain situations, to hold off on that intimate expression. Or at least, that's what most of us seem to believe. While I don't believe sex is dirty, (unless you haven't showered) and I don't buy into that whole religious brainwashing of sex=sin; I do know that there are practical reasons why the introduction of sex too soon, can really cause serious problems later, if your intent is to build a lasting, solid relationship with that person you decided you had to poke.
Specifically, the 17 Dates Method seeks to clarify the inherent problems with local, in-person dating, rather than online pre-development.The online dating experience is another Pandora's Box entirely. And it usually goes hand in hand with the Long Distance Relationship Paradigm, (LDRP)because why would you spend weeks months or years getting to know someone online, when they were nearby and you could do that in person? Some of us forget that Online Dating is meant to move into real dating as soon as possible.
If daters are prudent and disciplined enough to give a relationship time to mature, the most common obstacles can then be avoided.
Comment Notification
Subscribe to this post's comments using