Are you really ready for that "Roll in the Hay" with your new friend?
So you have met the guy of your dreams..at least he appears
to be; you have been seeing him for a couple of weeks and he is wanting to have
sex; you are thinking that it is either time to drop him or you will agree to
sleep with him; and you think that even if you do have sex with him it will be
ok because you can just be casual about it and not really get involved unless
you want to. HOLD ON ladies for there
are some things you really should be aware of before proceeding.
There are research studies that conclude having sex releases
a different set of brain chemicals in women than in men. Evolution has "hard-wired" women by
releasing a large dose of the hormone Oxytocin into your system and it makes
you want to bond and create relationships.
Men don't get the warm-fuzzies because of testosterone. It is much easier to "love em and leave
em" so to speak than it is women.
You may think you can get away with casual sex but you can and usually
do wind up with a serious case of attachment.
Are you positive that he is free to pursue a relationship
with you?
He may be cheating on someone else… with you! Why is this
your problem, you may ask? You’re not the one being unfaithful. But do you
really want to be the “other woman?” The one who breaks up a relationship and
causes another woman’s heartbreak? Even though you explain away the fact he may
be cheating can you live with the fact that you may wonder always if he is
being faithful to you. Do yourself a favor and find out some of the major
reasons that a man cheats before you blindly accept his story that his wife
betrayed him, does not understand him, or that is just does not love her
anymore.
Even the sharpest liar on the planet will leave clues that
he is in a relationship:
He only gives you his cell phone number and wants you to call him at work or in the daytime;
He is quick to suggest hanging out at your place but never
offers you the chance to see where he lives;
He avoids taking you to certain neighborhoods not because
they are dangerous but just because he does not like them;
He never gives names of his friends or where they live and
he uses excuses like "he is hanging out with the guys" etc.;
All of the above are definite clues that your guy has
another booty call stashed somewhere and probably has a wife.
You should be aware if the guy is a "taker" and
this is not always about money. A guy
can be a taker in other ways like time, attention and your sexual generosity
but let’s start with the money issue first.
There is no right or wrong formula about who pays for dates
as long as you both agree with the arrangement.
If you are opening your wallet much more than he is and if he appears
always to have forgotten his wallet or checkbook more often than he has them
with you it is time to investigate his financial status. Can you afford him? Does he pay his bills or is he in a financial
sinkhole that he will never dig out of?
If he exploits your generosity then there is reason to
believe that he will do so as long as you allow it. If he does little things like asking if you
will: Pick him up from the airport? (Cabs cost so much!) Do his laundry? (He’s
out of soap.) Host a couple of his buddies to watch the game? (You’re such a
good cook.) Buy his mom a birthday present? (He has no idea what to get.) If
any of these sound familiar, you’ve got a taker on your hands and you better
beware. The "taking" behavior usually extends into the bedroom also.
Don't expect a taker to be attentive to your needs for his needs will always
come first.
Is he a real clingy type?
The clingy type usually turns into the controlling, manipulating person
that is demanding and selfish also. Did
he move at lightning speed to try and win you over? This is a good sign he does not want to be by
himself or he is looking for a women to fill his needs. Asking for intimacy too quickly or spilling
loads of very personal information could be acts of desperation, and that’s
definitely a bad sign in a significant other.
There are some signs that will clue you in to this type right away:
He calls several times a day and wants to talk for hours at
a time even when he knows you have to work or have other things to do;
He becomes short-tempered or whining when you want to spend
time with your girlfriends or family;
He is excessively close to his Mom and expects you to mother
him like she does;
Those are just a few clues that he is a closet controller.
You should seriously find out in the beginning if your new
potential sexual partner has just got out of a relationship. A recent breakup is a usually a big glaring
danger sign. If you have ever been
through a bad split in a relationship then you know it takes time to recover. He may not be over his last
relationship. Find out before you
because a causality. He may think he is ready for another relationship but if the
timing is not right you can be the loser. He may be looking for someone to help
him ease the pain of not having her around him. In short, he may be using you to fill his loneliness,
whether he realizes it or not.
There are also clues about how well he may perform in bed
before you jump in there with him. If he
is a bad kisser that usually will tell you that he probably has not learned
very well and would not be happy if you criticized that fact. Bad kissers are usually inept in bed I have
heard. If he seems more interested in
"scoring" than he does being with you as a friend then that
definitely is a sign that he will be a selfish lover. Some guys are simply looking to add another
notch to their bedpost. Men like this probably won’t take the time to find out
what works for you between the sheets. Instead of a steamy, sexy romp, you
could get a “wham-bam, thank ya, ma’am.”
There are some factors that can take the wind out of his
sails so to speak like smoking, a big belly; he has insomnia, or taking
medication for depression. All or any of
these could result in erectile dysfunction.
Unless he is an adept lover in other ways your nights of passion may end
up just flickering a bit!
Now on to the really scary stuff! STD's. Unfortunately, women are more
susceptible to STDs than men. It has nothing to do with promiscuity; women are
simply more vulnerable to infection than men because of our anatomy. It’s
easier for men to transmit infections to women than vice versa. STDs are also
more difficult to detect in women.
There are more than 25 known STDs – some curable (Chlamydia,
gonorrhea), some not (HPV, herpes, HIV/AIDS). Many can be transmitted through
oral sex – you’re not playing it any safer that way. In fact, having
unprotected oral sex puts you at especially high risk for gonorrhea, syphilis,
herpes, and hepatitis B. Condoms offer partial but not total protection against
genital warts and genital herpes. This factor alone is enough to make a girl
want to stay at home and date Kermit exclusively but you can do some checking
into his sexual history and it is not uncommon to request a clean bill of health
from the local clinic before taking that risk of contacting an incurable
disease.
If you are a drinker you might want to cut back on this if
you are dating...using poor judgment when drinking is common among women. Instead of three Long Island iced teas maybe
stick to just one. He may think that
will be the avenue for seduction for him and that if you’re sloshed it will be
easier to steer you into his bed. Another reason you might not want to fool
around when drunk is that your encounter may not be private. You may get up in the morning and find your
sexual encounter is plastered for all to see on FrontPage or YouTube. Because
of the use of the "date rape drug" recently I would watch what I
drink, how much and don't let it leave your hand for any reason.
If you are feeling vulnerable and you are truly looking for
a long term connection it is wise to take your time before deciding to sexually
commit to someone. Sometimes women end
up sleeping with men they don't really even like because they are lonely or
bored.
You might think that shagging someone you don’t like will
make you feel attractive and empowered, but those feelings are fleeting.
Chances are you’ll actually end up feeling used, empty or guilty. The
underlying problem hasn’t been addressed. And what about his feelings? You may
not be attracted to him, but he could be hoping to develop a relationship with
you.
If the guy is as great as you think he will not drop you if
you take your time about jumping in the sack with him. Become friends first, find out about his life
and background so you are prepared to take the next step. Discuss your fears about sexually transmitted
diseases and offer to go and get checked at the clinic with him so you both are
sure of what you are dealing with.
Today more than ever it is important to be aware of what you
are getting into. All too often I have
women call me and ask: Is the third date
to soon to have sex? I am always
dumbfounded by this question and want to give the two hour lecture about
caution. Most women will think that
being overly cautious will ruin their chance of keeping him interested but that
is the wrong reason for entering into a sexual relationship.
Get savvy, be informed and respect yourself enough to know
that you are worth the wait.
Blessings of knowledge and freedom for you this day!
Rosie
PS:
I
will be signed on to Keen today in the early morn and after 1pm est for most of the day and after 8 pm
est tonight. I will be on "arrange a call" or "alert" status most
of the day. Please sign in and get on the list and I will get back to
you
ASAP I promise. If you cannot find me on the listing (I think I am
somewhere on
page 999999) then please type in ROSALEA in the "search for an advisor space" or use 1-800-Ask-Keen and the extension 01888797
to call me. If I am listed as "busy" please sign in on the "arrange a
call" que and I will get to you as soon as I am free. I will either be on
"Alert" status or "arrange a call" for most of the day so I will be here to take your calls
when you need me. Keen has had a few problems with the phone system
lately. If you are dropped unexpectedly or if you are dropped from the
call back list, please email me and I will report it to keen and make
sure you can reach me