Yes, we will get back to the Emotional Unavailability Series - however, in the meantime - I've been getting great responses to my Blogs dealing with The Art of Staying Hooked - You CAN Unhook Yourself - Really You Can and How Toxic Is My Relationship? - A Test We All Need To Take.  With that in mind - and because recognizing, dealing with and detaching from toxic relationships is in fact related to the whole issue of Emotional Availability - I'd like to share with you this little list of 13 warning signs of a toxic relationship:

THE BAKER'S DOZEN OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIP WARNING SIGNS
 
1. You Are The Problem.  The toxic person is unwilling or unable to take responsibility - or own any part of the problem he or she had a part in creating.  Instead, you are told all the time that if you were only better, richer, prettier, taller, thinner, or smarter, then there would be no problem. 

2.  Controlling Behavior or Extreme Jealously.  Your partner wants to run every moment of your life or is really jealous of anyone or anything else that takes up any of your time or interest.  Warning - this person wants to own and absorb you.

3.  No Boundaries.  The toxic person has no boundaries - whatsoever - and will in turn absolutely ignore any boundaries you try to set.  The toxic person wants to completely destroy any bounds between the two of you - that way you will cease to exist as a separate entity.  People who lack boundaries believe they have the right to do anything they wish.

4.  Violence.  You cannot tolerate any violence in any relationship - for any reason - no matter what.  PERIOD.  There is no excuse, explanation, rationalization, clarification, or justification for interpersonal violence in a relationship - of any kind - for any reason.  If your relationship includes violence - IT IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP.  You must leave.

5.  Conning or Criminal Behavior.  If you are in a relationship with someone who is engaging in criminal behavior, you could possibly come under suspension even if you are not directly involved.  If you are being conned by someone, you must exit the relationship.

6.  Addictions.  If a person is unable to break an addiction to drugs or alcohol, you need to make the decision to end the relationship.  The toxic person's relationship is with the drugs or alcohol - not you.  If the addicted person wants the relationship with you badly enough - he or she will be willing to get clean and stay clean, 

7.  Cheating, Affairs and/or Other Unusual Sexual Practices.  People who demand you accept unusual sexual behaviors, including affairs, as a prerequisite for being in a relationship with them - are toxic for you - unless you don't have a problem with these behaviors.  If you tell your partner that you are not comfortable with certain behaviors and he or she continues to engage in such behavior and in the process continues to hurt and belittle you - that is a toxic relationship.

8.  Commitment Phobia.  If your longstanding partner is unwilling or unable to EVER commit to you in a relationship in a formal way, you have to accept the fact that this is a toxic relationship and that person will probably never commit. 

9.  Put-downs, Insults, and Teasing.  A little love teasing is not a bad thing, however, if your partner persists in saying and doing hurtful things to you in public or relentlessly teases you - this is toxic behavior.

10.  Black and White Thinking.  Lack of flexibility in your partner's thinking can really indicate a toxic relationship.  If you partner is unable to ever see the gray area - this is a toxic relationship where you will be allowed little room to express yourself or make mistakes.  You are going to always be condemned - as wrong or bad - and this is a toxic relationship. 

11.  Yes, But . . . If you hear more excuses than explanations in your relationship and if every confrontation or attempt at communication is met with "yes, but . . ." you are dealing with a person who is unwilling to own his or her behavior.  A person who needs someone else to blame all the time and who never takes any responsibility is toxic and will lead you into a toxic relationship.

12.  Double Binds.  A double bind is s situation in which no matter what you do, you will be wrong.  If a double bind ALWAYS comes from your partner - meaning that "you are damned if you do "X" and you are likewise damned if you'd chosen to do "Y"" - that is a toxic relationship

13.  Lying.  Sure, everyone tells a white lie from time to time - or even spins a whopper every blue moon - HOWEVER - someone who lies all the time about small insignificant things - a person who routinely lies - someone who pathologically lies - about any and everything - is someone that will involve you in a toxic relationship. 

I hope this has been helpful for you - if we know the deal and can measure the deal - then we can get order to ourselves and rise upward and onward into a new season that includes a healthy, happy and non-toxic relationship. 
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.  HAVE I MISSED ANY TOXIC SIGNS?  WHAT ARE YOUR EXPERIENCES DEALING WITH TOXIC LOVED ONES?  I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR POINT OF VIEW. 
NEXT UP:  Part Four in the "Emotionally Unavailable" Series: "Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls."