OMG - "Oh Mah Gawd" - He looks just like, JFK, Jr, or Brad Pitt, or Will Smith - and that is the sole attraction - your attraction to being with someone who is so attractive. 

This is Part 3 in our series of "Emotional Unavailability" - "Tens and Other Trophies"

Bryn C. Collins, the author of "Emotional Unavailability" says that there are actually Nine Emotionally Unavailable Types and therefore all nine of these types are a straight up waste of our time (I'm paraphrasing).  But seriously, we can't change these folks, convert them, help them, cause them to see the light - the only thing we can do for them is get ourselves away from them.

Whereas Indiana Jones - The Dangerous Man relies upon the fact that he is so "dangerous" such a "bad boy" in order to cast his spell - Tens and Other Trophies rely upon their physical beauty and the power of our attraction to that physical beauty in order to get involved without getting involved - in essence to stay emotionally unavailable. 

The Tens and Other Trophies - got the message early on in life - their looks - their pure physical attractiveness was a better asset than anything else they had to offer - and so they have worked all their lives to develop that one asset - to the denigration of developing any other asset - including emotional attachment and availability.  They have learned throughout their lives that it is a low emotional risk to them to have an adoring, genuflecting, totally enthralled individual - completely captured by their looks. They are therefore able to capture and portray  the illusion of a connection - without actually giving anything back. 

"Do you like this shirt on me?"
"Does my hair look ok?"

It is all about them and their looks - sure they are asking you questions - engaging you in conversation - but the conversation is all about them - and most of the time - always about their looks.

You meanwhile - are so happy that someone so delectable has chosen you - that you don't even notice the narcissism and just go happily along - further endorsing the Ten and his self-absorption - UNTIL . . . The Big Dump.

Your role in the relationship was defined from the get-go.  You are in charge of admiration and adoration.  It is your job to complement and compliment, and please by all means - please step to the side and out of the light so that the Ten can properly bask in all his glory.  

It really is another form of objectification.  The key here is understanding just how low the Tens self-esteem really is - no matter that he portrays just the opposite to you and the rest of the world.  If you come to believe that your only value is the trophy to the Ten - then you become a victim in this vacuous relationship - and the Ten - has not connected with you on even the smallest level - why? - Because the Ten - is Emotionally Unavailable. 

It may take a while for you to catch on the the real problem here - because you are so happy to be with a Ten.  But sooner or later the glow will wear off - and even the reflected glow of the Tens spotlight - isn't enough for you anymore - you start to horror of all horrors - want to talk about something other than the Ten - that's when you get The Big Dump.

Sure you've been offered exposure to real beauty by being with the Ten - but that eventually becomes - just not enough - because your own heart needs attention.  Beauty is not an Emotion - and that is why the Ten is Emotionally Unavailable. 

Now sometimes the Ten will attract a Trophy Hunter.  These are kinda "mutually parasitic" relationships.  This scenario becomes like "Emotional Unavailability" Squared. Each person's agenda is getting met - so it may take a really long time for the magic to wear off - in this scenario and The Big Dump to occur. 

The person that is attracted to the beauty of the Ten is on a different kind of "high" or adrenaline rush that the person that seeks out Indiana Jones - The Dangerous Man - as we discussed in a previous post.  When you are attracted to the Ten - just because they are a Ten - you are achieving a point of pride and accomplishment - by association.  Others are looking and jealous - because you have such a beautiful man. 

I'm not saying that all handsome men are Tens and Emotionally Unavailable.  What distinguishes the Ten is that they have a real emotional distance that they keep from anyone who tries to connect and be a part of their life.  Wow - it must get pretty lonely trying to hold the world at arm's length - based upon something as superficial as your looks. 

And, the break-up with the Ten is really hard too - because it attacks your own self-esteem.  You have been getting all this "glow-by association" from being the partner of the Ten - and suddenly you have been replaced.  You'd have to be a really grounded person - not to wonder - if only for a moment if that might not have happened if you'd been more attractive.  This speculation can then serve to drive you nuts - and take you down a truly slippery slope.  So avoid all that negativity - find a genuine (and yes handsome) guy - who is emotionally available. 
EVER RUN ACROSS A "TEN" OR "OTHER TROPHY" IN YOUR LIFE?  LET ME KNOW.
NEXT UP:  Part Four in the "Emotionally Unavailable" Series: "Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls"