WHY SO LONELY?
Sometimes it feels like you are in suspended animation even at work. "Hellloooo Out There. Anyone listening?" It’s like everyone else is having more fun then you are...like your out in the snow, looking in a window at a warm family reunion you can't be a part of.
You are especially lonely at work. Maybe you go from job to job looking for the one place of employment that knows how to give respect and listen. And even if you do get treated well, soon, you sabotage it. How? You imagine they are freezing you out. With out even knowing it, you freeze others out. And when their attitude is reflected back, you say to yourself “Here we go again.”
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP DEFICIENT {PRD}
In a friendship or relationship it is always the same thing. You start out confident, happy, and then before long the old loneliness comes back. Even the person you love, you some times imagine would be happier if you were not there. You question loyalty, analyze your own unhappiness and project it like steel bars in a strained smile. Perhaps you call on the phone in tears, or accusations of suspicious jealousy. Soon, confused, the one who loved you drops you. You blame it on them.
TALKING TOO MUCH IN PANIC * FEAR OF SILENCE
Some people can not stop talking. They fear silence. With out even knowing it they drive everyone away with their non stop chatter. They, on the other hand, believe if only a constant roll of facts, gossip and conversation keeps rolling from their mouth everyone will find them fascinating and fun. Quite the opposite happens. Friends do not come back. All questions with a 2 second pause induce horrendous panic within them. This lonely soul has no idea how likeable they could be if only they listened more and talked less.
LEARNING HOW TO READ BODY LANGUAGE.
If you are getting the signals all wrong, misinterpreting and feeling lonely for no reason, you need to learn about Body Language. You will be able to intuitively understand how people are reacting to you, and how to change their minds by tuning in to their body language. For Instance:
If someone is talking to you with arms to their sides, or leaning comfortably against a chair or wall as they converse with you …you can assume they are relaxed and want to be with you. Like a cat, the more their chest and belly are unshielded, the more comfortable they are.
QUESTIONS TO ASK TO BREAK THE ICE {watch their body language}
If after talking to you their arms begin to hug in front of their chest like a shield, its time to shut up and ASK QUESTIONS OF THEM. Anything related to something you know is important to the person, their kids, their hobby, their education studies, their pets, are all questions that say “You are fascinating and I want to know all about you.” An OCCASIONAL compliment works….however too many compliments are seen as “trying too hard” or “manipulative.”
If their arms uncross…you have their comfort again. Practice makes perfect my friend.
BOOKS ON BODY LANGUAGE:
Please understand where ever there are book reviews some will be good, and some bad. My theory is get a few used ones at Amazon on the same subject to compare notes.
Body Language on the Job
by Patrick W. Miller
Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship & Dating
by R. Don Steele
Body Language
by Julius Fast
The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease and Allan Pease
I Can Read You Like a Book: How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People Are Really Sending With Their Body Language by Gregory Hartley and Maryann Karinch
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Body Language (The Complete Idiot's Guide) by Peter Andersen (Paperback - Aug 3, 2004)4}
If loneliness is crippling your life, seek a professional councilor like you would aspirin for a head ache.