Cleansing Your Life (Part I) - Ending Negative Relationships
In a class I once took there was a woman I will call Camille. Camille has remarkable abilities: she could cause people with limited athletic ability to become 40-yard dash sprinters at a moment’s notice, arouse anger in the most serene people, and transform the giving of a gift into a complex drama. All this and more she could do simply by doing what she did best – being negative.
Before, during, and after class Camille would have an unsolicited complaint. Once it was to inform me that our instructor discriminated against older students because she overheard him telling a younger student about an international teaching opportunity and he did not also discuss it with her. Another time I found myself waiting 10 minutes for a friend to return from getting a cup of hot water for her tea bag in the cafeteria. Finally, flushed and running she told me she had been cornered by Camille, who would not accept my friend’s “no” after she asked her to give her a ride following class. On another occasion Camille came to class and verbally attacked a young woman whose friend sold her a car. Most classes she argued with the instructor. Camille was a walking vortex of negative energy.
Most of us know someone like that. We experience that feeling of dread in the pit of our stomachs when they come near us. They are energy drainers/psychic vampires. This is your mother who calls to tell you what a bad daughter you are because you are not living at home and financially supporting her. This is your cousin who each time you meet talks about how he cannot get ahead in life because “the cops are corrupt” and keep “hassling” him.
Just as you begin assessing and reviewing your material possessions for “Spring cleaning” it is also a wise idea to begin working on one of the most important non-material items in your life – your relationships. After your spiritual life take a look at what you have filled you life with in terms of people.
We must be ready to survey the quality of our relationships, make changes where we can and then rid ourselves of the relationships in our lives which are dead weights.
So how do you assess your relationships and make decisions? It is fairly easy to make an assessment – but it will take willpower to enforce the decisions that need to come from those assessments.
First, ask yourself, who in my life
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is predominantly positive?
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helps me to see my potential and do my best?
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is someone I find myself sharing with, laughing with and taking honestly with?
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is someone who strives to be their best spiritually, emotionally, mentally etc?
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sees obstacles as challenges that can be overcome and/or learned from and actively strives to find a resolution for problems?
These are the kinds of people who add to your life, not subtract. These are the people who serve you well – who are of benefit to you. They are not sarcastic, do not badmouth you, criticize you and virtually everything and person around them or blame the world for their problems.
First, make a list of the negative people in your life. Whether it is a parent, another relative, a co-worker or classmate it is important to be honest and make who makes you feel worse when you are in contact with them.
Second, beside each person’s name list the good and bad things about your current relationship. Then list both the reasons why you should leave, and why you should not. Then write what consequences you think you will have for removing this person from your life.
Third, create a statement you want to say to these negative people. It can be something like this:
The things you say to and/or around me are mostly negative. It makes our relationship negative and it makes me not want to be around you. I do not share your outlook on life. If we cannot have a more positive relationship, then I need for us to separate until we can.
Then fourth, avoid the negative people – do not take their telephone calls or politely end them when the person starts to complain and criticize; do not continue to associate with them, sit near them, eat lunch with them, email/IM with them or converse with them. You can use your Caller ID and put their email/IM in “blocked users”. Spend your time with people who are positive. When it comes to relatives (a parent or siblings etc), you can still maintain contact – there are cheerful $.99 cards you can buy in bulk, write a note in and mail every so often.
By cleansing your relationships you will find your physical and emotional well-being changes for the better.
Be sure to read "Cleansing Your Life (Part II)"
To your success!
Barrett
Copyright © LBPI/Healing Universe
L. Barrett Powell is an international coach and cultural trainer/consultant with an academic background and experience in psychology, theology and journalism. Barrett's focus is on Success and Law of Attraction coaching. She lives and works with individuals and inter-cultural organizations in the USA and Europe as a coach, coordinator and trainer. Contact her by email.