Dear Storm,

After having discovered my husband being unfaithful, which he claims was only phone sex, I have had trouble believing that’s all there was to the situation.  I find myself suspicious of his every move.  He purchased a digital voice recorder, which I turned on when I was about to leave with our daughter to go shopping, expecting to hear the sounds of him home alone.  I was hoping this would lay all my fears to rest. 

Wrong!   I heard the sexual escapades of him and another person.  Can you tell me who the female on the voice recording is of, and is it the same girl he was having phone sex with?

Carol

Dear Carol,

Let me assure you that your husband has not had “physical” sex with anyone outside of your marriage.   However, it does look to me like he has a severe problem and that is “sexual addiction”.  Your husband has been using the internet and phone based services to have sexual contact with other woman for some time.   It is showing me that this has been going on and off for the last several years, and that it has reached the point of addiction.   He is addicted to porn and the way it makes him feel.  The two girls are different girls.  One was from a phone sex service and the other someone he met on an alternative sexual website.  

This is an easy answer to your situation, and you can of course, base your future decisions on this.  I do not feel that you want to leave your marriage, and that you do love your husband, yet unless his issues are resolved you are going to be frustrated, bitter, and angry.   Here is some food for thought!  Men do not go out and have an affair or have phone sex or surf porn sites for love or for sex.  They do it to feel important.   The issue is a deep seeded esteem issue, and I do feel that your husband needs counseling and possibly treatment for this illness (which addiction is an illness).   You, on the other hand need to make the choice of whether or not to remain in your marriage. 

With Light,

Storm

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