Tuesday, April 24, 2007 9:45 PM
by
The Mathematician
Blog This... Sinshine
Keen Blog - Day 29.
9:45 P.M. (Eastern)
I've been lazy lately. Not lazy-lazy, just blog-lazy. I think it has been almost two weeks since my last post. I almost feel as though I should be seeking penance for this. "Forgive me bloggers, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last blog." Oh, did I mention sin? Hmmm...have I really sinned? I suppose a lot of that depends on your definition of sin.
For reference, in the last week I have gambled, consumed alcohol, cursed, flipped off a driver who cut me off (See the blog entitled "What the BLEEP Do You Know About Driving"), had lustful thoughts (OK, a LOT of them), killed (a bug, it was HUGE and landed on my arm....gut reaction), stole a newspaper (I paid for one, grabbed two, and I'm very sorry for it but I did not think I should have to PAY to reopen the news box just to put it back), had excessive pride (new haircut....it looked GOOD!!!....damn, there I go agian with the pride. Crap, I cursed again!), and failed to round up the waitress's tip to the nearest dollar.
I've just demonstrated that not only am I a
plain old human being, but I am capable of Greed (gambling, damn those
scratcher cards), Lust (many, many, many, many lustful thoughts - hey, I'm in
my 30's), Greed (not rounding up), Sloth (not blogging), Wrath (flipping off
the insane driver dude), Envy (I WANT a Prius!), and Pride (lookin' good, Math,
lookIN' GOOD!) Additionally, I have stolen, cursed (many times) and
committed murder. Thank God sarcasm is not a sin, or I'd be roasting in
hell right now.
So. I'm a screwup. Clearly. But yet I'm not the worst
of the bunch here. Oh, I know I'm not. Admit it. You're a
little screwy sometimes, too. Hmmmm....what sort of screwy are you?
Do you stop for coffee at the 7-11 and open a new skim milk from the dairy door - and PUT IT BACK - just
so you can avoid the calories in the little half-n-half tubs? Do you go through the self-checkout
and "forget" that your peppers are red ($7.99 pound) and not green
($1.99 pound?) Are you the driver who pretends like you don't know
the lane ends up ahead and apologize as you cut in front of all the people you
passed? Or are you the no-poo girl? You know, the one whose
dog drops one and you pretend to not see it? Do you toss cigarette butts
out of the window? (the only TRUE crime thus far, I might add.)
So...Keendom....Blog THIS....
I want to know about YOU and those little idiosyncratic oddities that you KNOW
piss people off but in no way shape or form occur in the Old Testament.
Tell me, tell me. I need to know. I need to know. Tell me
reader, because I need. to know. (Channeling Marc Anthony?!)
You've heard some of my flaws, and let me tell you, you ain't heard nothing
yet. Do you know I rarely vacuum? Oh, I hate it. Maybe I can
mop, but to vacuum is just impossible for me. I don't know why. I
have central vac. But I just cannot bring myself to do it. We
actually removed all but one room of carpet in my house just because I'm
bizarre like that.
So. Tell the world about you. Feel the urge to purge here. Go
ahead. We're all friends. No one is going to judge you.
OK. I take that back. I know someone will judge you, but so
what. People do it every time you leave the house. Why not just
shed the shell, toss the truth up into the air, and shout, "I've GOT
ISSUES BUT I'M A FUNCTIONING HUMAN ADULT."
If you share, I'll share. Are you afraid of the dark at 42? Well, I
have the handwriting of an eighth grader. Do you still refuse to eat your
vegetables? Hey, I drink with a Flintstone straw (a new one each day!)
Blog THIS Keendom....how ODD are you? Go ahead, brag about it. Show
us what you got.
And for reference, it does not make you more likely to get the posthumous
elevator to the HOT floor or be awarded the Bad Karma Booby Prize. I
should disclose fully that posting here might remove you from running from
president (in 2008 only) but such is life.
Go ahead....Blog THIS....
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