Tuesday, March 27, 2007 11:13 PM
by
The Mathematician
Power Plays and the Long Lost Relationship Etiquette
Keen Blog - Day 1.
10:22 P.M. (Eastern)
Today is the first day of the new Blog Tool on Keen. Rather than sit and
ponder the merits (or casualties) of the system, I'm just going to jump into my
first topic. Maybe later I'll pop in later and introduce myself properly,
but for now I'm just going to Blog!
I've talked to several people today and there seems to be a common theme across
most every call...the power play. How do I define a power play?
Hmmmm....let's see. A power play is any action taken specifically to
upset the balance of power within a relationship. This is a common form
of interaction in competitive work relationships. However, when you’re in a romantic relationship that begins to
look like water cooler war, something is amiss.
I had a caller long ago whose partner would tip the scale of
the relationship by flirting with other women.
My client just never knew what to do.
She believed they were competitive in a healthy way in other areas of
the relationship, but she never knew what to do with the flirting. I helped to realize that this particular
power play was a POWER power play. He
reserved this sort of thing for when she was “in the lead”, so to speak, in the
relationship. He would use flirtations
with other women to take away her power in one swift, gargantuan maneuver. She would be reeling for weeks. She never understood that this was just his
way of getting back at her for making more money and being promoted.
The key to understanding power plays (and the POWER power
play) is that it always, ALWAYS takes two.
This is not something done TO you, it is done WITH you. If you find yourself in a relationship where
your partner uses massive, manipulative power plays to take away your
power…they are only getting away with it because you allow your power to be
taken.
OK. So we recognize
the power play. But WHAT DO YOU DO
ABOUT IT? Is there some form of decorum one should expect when confronting the
power play? Of course there is. As already mentioned, the power play takes
two. So confrontation without
acknowledging of self-blame is rather in poor taste. This is your lover, right?
If you truly want to expose the power player, you must seek
neutrality. Begin by listing everything
you have done wrong (keep it succinct) and then express your displeasure with
your partner’s actions by demonstrating how it made you feel. Suggest alternate means of working through
tough times. This is the proper etiquette
when trying to resolve a power play.
If talking it out doesn’t work, call the IRS and report him
for tax fraud. I mean, it was YOUR
turn, wasn’t it?
