A childhood friend of mine, Emily, is the director at a D.C non-partisan, non-profit feminist’s political organization. They did much to support Hillary Clinton’s campaign for the Democratic nomination, and are stepping forward to support and promote Sarah Palin’s run for VP. On both personal and professional levels, Emily does not look at politics along party line, just along gender lines. When I randomly decided to get a degree in political science years ago – very much outside of my realm of expertise – Emily was so incredibly supportive. “Yes! Yes,” she yelled at the coffee house, and I swear it was a little too ‘When Harry Met Sally’, if you know what I mean. But that’s Emily. Anytime someone, especially a woman, especially ME, steps outside of their comfort zone, she gets exuberant. She calls it a time of transcendence. When a woman is in a time of transcendence, Emily says they glow.
Right now, Emily thinks Sarah Palin glows. Like me, she is an avid supporter of the genius and subtle power of Condaleeza Rice. She thinks Nancy Pelosi is an angel and true juggernaut. Hillary has been her American idol for years (“except the shoes.”). Before that…we both said no to drugs and yes to Nancy Regan. Does that mean Emily supports any woman in American politics, just because she’s a woman? Yes, that’s exactly what it means. Next year Emily is leaving her position as director to start a lobbying firm specifically targeting “Femmelitics” (a word I hope NEVER caches on, mind you.) She’s crazy for women in politics…which may just sound crazy to many people. WHAT?! Support a woman just because she is a woman? No way. I’m too much of a feminist for that (Yes, I was the one who said that.) Emily looks at politics as a man’s game and until WOMEN SUPPORT WOMEN we’re never going to control the game. I see her point. But from my own perspective.
I should mention now that Emily thinks women are perfect. And yes, you would think just being friends with someone like me PROVES we’re not all perfect. When I ask her about women who smoke crack, Emily smiles and says, “It’s a down time.” When I ask her about women in abusive relationships, Emily says, “They will eventually find their strength.” When I ask her about high school drop-outs, prostitutes, mistresses, meat-eaters, SUV drivers, puppy mill owners, mail-order brides, Paris Hilton, whatever …Emily sees them as perfect women during imperfect times. She’s quite the idealist. And it may seem that Emily is just making excuses for others, enabling them – I’ve thought this of her in the past - but really Emily looks past someone’s flaws and bad decisions. She looks simply at their potential, their will to do well in the world, and their lack of innate aggression.
I should also mention that Emily is happily married to a museum director, with two sons and a daughter. Her daughter is double majoring in women’s studies and political science at Georgetown. One son is in Iraq, the other a corporate attorney. Not a one of them view politics along party lines, even the men. When I used to visit the family for dinner, I was the “Republican vegetarian liberal.” And yes, the entire family said it with just as much laughter as one might say such a thing. I suppose I never minded the mockery since it sounded so damn sincere. Plus they always call my ex “that pseudo-intellectual Democratic Ya-Ya,” which wins them points for knowing him so well.
Emily is my hero. I’m all for woman power and supporting the women I know. I believe in giving a fellow woman a leg up…and asking for nothing in return but that she does the same for others when she can. I’m all for stepping outside of my personal experience to see what others experience, good and bad, and let it affect me where it can. I’m all for respecting someone’s view and perhaps trying to understand why they see things they way they do. But Emily is this and so much more. She believes – lives and breathes - that until we start respecting women as a society, We the People will get no where. She believes personal values begin in the womb, and if women are dissected and desecrated society can never move ahead. “I would allow another women to place her dirty, bare feet into my tiny cupped hands so that I could lift her higher than any other would. I could only hope that as I do this for one, she does it for another.” That’s Emily. She is the Goddess. The Earth Mother. The Ethereal Woman.
So when I asked Emily, who is African-American and a then-Obama supporter, where her vote would go…I was not surprised that she was decidedly McCain-Palin now. (Emily has flipped in this election more than Obama himself!) I think she truly expected and…NEEDED Obama to select Hillary as his running mate. A gesture she thought would have proved he wanted change…real change. When Biden was selected, she decided that like many men, he fears a powerful woman too close to him. She believed he feared the power of the women who was once his opponent. He feared giving women a leg up. Emily was crushed. She was more disappointed by this than anything I’ve ever seen from her. She called me immediately after she heard Obama use the lipstick-on-a-pig-reference. “Did he just do what I think he did,” she asked, not even saying hello. She was stunned. I was entertained. Hell, I knew even Palin would not care…pit bull, pig, whatever. Doesn’t she bring down polar bears with her hands? “Yes, I think he did. I just don’t think he knows he did.” I listened to a 20-minute rant from one of my favorite people about a man I truly respect, regarding a statement I think was probably not intended the way it was taken. Emily, on the other hand, was angry and embarrassed to have ever supported him. “Well, Em, maybe some of the chauvinistic Republicans will swing vote now.” She was crying and did not like my humor in the least. “Em, he did not call you a pig,” I tried to explain. “Yes…,” she said dramatically. “He did.”
I guess part of me is like Emily. I mean, I’m writing this because inside, I’m a little offended. Emily pointed out that if Sarah Palin had made any sort of remark in the least about race, everyone would have jumped on her. Probably true. I look at Sarah Palin and I see people – women and men a like – trying to make her look bad. To smear her left and right. In this very blogdom, I see people preaching about respect and understanding and spirituality, then turning around and seething and belittling someone, just because their political views differ. I was raised in a realm of political civility. Where you don’t tell someone they are wretched because they do not support your view…but you listen to them and think, “Could I be wrong?” A realm where you DO get worked up, not because things won’t go your way, but because YOU have the power to change it.
We all have our opinions. We all have our reason for wanting what we want. If you think the mechanism is broken, change it. Change you. Change them. Look at it from a different perspective. THINK. THINK AGAIN. STOP THINKING because you think too much. But stop yelling at one another, please. You’re making my head hurt. Democrats, do you really hate Republicans? I guess you do. Republicans, do you seriously think Dems are feeble minded? I guess you do. In honor of my friend Emily who is the best WOMAN on this planet…Start paying attention to what other people are saying AND WHY. I promise you we can not all be right, and none of us is all wrong. I’m not suggesting any one of us try to be like my friend Emily. You couldn’t if you tried, and I suspect you’d be exhausted trying. Just be kind to each other. Ask why the other side wants what they want.
Then just shut up and vote.
