FAITH AND BLESSINGS

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• Name: WhiteLightAngel
• Member Since: 5/24/2004

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# re: Happy Thursday! @ Thursday, April 05, 2007 12:14 PM

My false belief started many, many years ago when I was never diagnosed as being ADD. Back then, ADD was associated with Hyperactivity so girls were never diagnosed nor did they think that it carried into adulthood. Well, we girls were just cute little "daydreamers" who needed to pay more attention and focus on what was in front of us instead of staring out of the window. It didn't really impact me until about 8th grade when I really began to struggle with staying organized and thinking in the same manner my classmates all seemed to do so easily. I spent the next 30 years always feeling like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't stay organized, many of the day to day things people did so easily were so extremely painful for me to focus on because I was better at the "big picture" thinking. Well from that came the need to be "superwoman" or I wasn't worthy of anyone's love. Like Debra, "superwife", "supermom", "superworker" and "super imposter" because I sure as heck didn't know who I was and I was afraid that someone would one day see that I was a fraud and unworthy of their love.  With Debra's assistance, it has taken me 3 years of reading and searching to realize that I AM LOVABLE and the love that I was so strenously giving could be reigned back a little and focused on myself. I still struggle with this, but now that I know and understand that the ADD does not make me "inferior" just that I am better at some things than others and some things are a little more difficult effort wise for me to do. I finally know now that I can be loved for who I am right now, as I am, and not who I thought I needed to be to receive love.

darlingdame

# re: Happy Thursday! @ Thursday, April 05, 2007 12:32 PM

My false belief has been "I'm not worthy of love" which ties into "I'm not good enough".
Those have been my demons ever since I can remember and yes, it goes back to childhood.
For years, I was trying to be the 'perfect' daughter, friend, girlfriend, employee, etc. But there is no such thing as perfect.
It is no picnic to undo years of these false beliefs but I would never go back to the old way of life for me.
I'm starting to see such positive changes in my life (slowly but surely) as I've started to heal and believe that I am worthy of love and that I am good enough.

dragongirl08

# re: Happy Thursday! @ Thursday, April 05, 2007 12:39 PM

OH!!!   And I forgot to mention that the 3 years of reading and searching has been with the guidance and mentoring of our "blog queen". I don't believe I'd be where I am today if it weren't for her. Spiritualseeker66, you are SO right, there is no such thing as perfect and it took me a very long time to realize that and that no matter how hard I would try to compensate for my feelings of inadequacy, I would never be able to "feel" like I thought everyone else "felt" by doing the things they did naturally. Debra, we never talked about the ADD, only that there has was a huge whole in the center of my chest and my life and you helped me find the way to fill it. Now I not only give love but feel love for myself, with a little struggle every now and then.

darlingdame

# re: Happy Thursday! @ Thursday, April 05, 2007 4:57 PM

I also felt unworthy of love, my father left before I was 1 yr old and my mother blamed me everyday for ruining her life by being born. She had to work to support us and felt very resentfull towards me because she had always felt she was a princess..destined to be carried away by a wealthy and handsome man and live a life of luxury and leisure. I too tried to be 'perfect' but it was never enough. I thought I had worked all this out and did truly love myself now and treat myself well but today I realized I have been letting a man treat me badly for over a year. I am so angry and don't know where to go with it, how did it slip by me? Where did I mess up? I don't know.

bluemoon1

# re: Happy Thursday! @ Thursday, April 05, 2007 5:25 PM

bluemoon1,
If I may encourage you to stop blaming yourself and to stop being hard on yourself.
We are all works in progress and as frustrating as it is to see that we haven't healed or learned the things we vowed to learn, it's okay.
You are not to blame for your mother's unhappiness (I also felt that way with my mother) and her issues are her own.
What is in the past can't be changed but we have the future.
You are worthy of love!

dragongirl08

# re: Happy Thursday! @ Friday, April 06, 2007 7:30 AM

I have several false beliefs from childhood which still manifest in my every day life. They mostly came from my mother. I grew up in a single parent and was taught-no it was drilled into me that I cannot trust anyone. To this day my mother still says that to me. You just can't trust anyone. Yes it has affected my relationship with everyone I have come in contact with. Do you remember a game in school where a person would stand behind you and you had to let yourself go and the person would catch you? Basic trust game. To this day I cannot do that with anyone.  
I was also made to feel that everything I did just was not good enough. My good grades, my good behavior were not noticed. But if my grades ever dropped or I did something she didn't approve of, that was pointed out to me over and over and over again. I felt like I had to be perfect. I don't think I have outgrown that yet.
bluemoon 1- sending you a hug:) I am sorry you had to deal with your mother's issues and misplaced resentment. It was not your fault your father left. Grown ups problems should remain with the grown ups. You are a valuable person and deserve only the best. I know it is easy for me to say, I am as guilty of allowing someone to treat me however they want as you are. I am with you in more ways than you know struggling with a similar issue. All the best....Tania:)

fulloflove22

# re: Happy Thursday! @ Friday, April 06, 2007 5:53 PM

It is easy to find someone to blame for our own life patterns. I do not disagree that as children we can so easily and innocently absorb negative patterns from our parents. Sadly children are not privy to the "making up sessions" between parents. Parents do not go to "be a good parent school"..and therefore the problem exists ad infinitum, our parents blaming their parents and so on etc.

To break this pattern it is so important to honour yourself, your faults and your virtues. Admit to them without blaming another, forgive yourself first, admit self responsibilty. We are all unique and even though we carry the genetic traits of our parents, we are still born into this world as a complete and unique individuals, responsible for our own behaviour.

I do not speak without compassion, nor indeed without experience. I grew up many years ago in a violent household. My father was a tyrant, verbally and physically. I presumed from an early age,that this was 'the norm' for men to behave in such away. For many years I instinctively sought out abusive men. It is only when I realised the truth behind the myth, when I forgave my father, and forgave myself, did my choice of men change also. Sadly the pendulum swung the other way and I found men weaker than myself, who I felt needed over protective caring, and monitoring! I guess I overwhelmed them with too much love.

I am now dealing with this, slowly, and standing back from myself, and seeing the realisation of my own truth. Forgiving myself, foremost, and forgiving others as they too battle their own demons.Learning to love myself, and not falling into the "poor me mode". Life worth living is a growing experience of hurts and joys, without the disparity and extremes of the two, we cannot hope to experience essential spritual growth.

Stand firm in who you are, and blame no one for the person you are. Rather respect peoples differences as their own.

I hope you will understand that I write this with empathy, compassion and love for those that are still trying to puzzle it through.

Child of the Rainbow

# re: Happy Thursday! @ Monday, September 03, 2007 2:09 PM

I really like all your stuff. Happy Thursday says it all. Everyone of us have a good person inside of us. We just have to bring it out.We were all created to be good people. There is nothing purer than a new born baby.We grow up & lose touch with the real things in life.I am new at trying get back in touch with my spirtual self and letting it come forward. But I am working on it. Life is so much better. In months and years to come I shale wright you some more.
Thank You
Lucky Larry

LuckyLarry

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