Murphy's Law and the Right to Expound
Who the hell is Murphy and why did we give him the right to do this to us?
I
quote the following from a website dedicated to the origin of Murphy's
law and furthermore an excerpt in an article found in "The Desert
Wings":
March 3, 1978
Murphy's Law "If anything can go
wrong, it will" was born at Edwards Air Force Base in 1949 at North
Base. It was named after Capt. Edward A. Murphy, an engineer working on
Air Force Project MX981, a project designed to see how much sudden
deceleration a person can stand in a crash.
One day, after finding that a transducer was wired wrong, he cursed
the technician responsible and said, "If there is any way to do it
wrong, he'll find it."
The contractor's project manager kept a
list of "laws" and added this one, which he called Murphy's Law, hence:
"if anything can go wrong it will"
Now, granted that applies to many situations, why should we allow an engineer to take credit for everything. That's too easy.
On that note, I have come up with things that happen in our daily lives that should have a law.
Pertaining to the body, in other words the most personal of all:
When
not at home the emergency need to find a bathroom is directly
proportionate to the time it takes to find one, and the lack of
interest the driver has to understand your dilemma.
The moment your body has a need to pass gas is relative to how many people are around you.
A
guys willingness to pass gas around their new girlfriend is directly
related to how many times they have been seen naked and half awake.
The Internet, the most technical of all and the most frustrating of course, again:
Your attraction to a person on a dating site is proportionate to their lack of interest in you.
The
amount of excitement you have about a new network marketing program is
directly related to how much money you will lose proving it is a sad
waste of your time.
The faster you need a website to load on
your computer is exactly how slow it will load while your computer
sounds like its chopping carrots.
The number of viruses you have
collected on your computer correlates to how many anti-virus programs
you have running on your computer that find nothing.
Laws of children, the most delicate and of course the most frustrating:
Your
desire to successfully engage in sexual intercourse is directly
proportionate to the amount of time it takes your child to knock on
your bedroom door asking for a three speed fork.
The serenity of your sleep is directly related to the decibel volume of your crying infant.
Your success in arguing with your five year old child is directly opposite of your skill in arguing with your congressman.
Laws of technology
The
more buttons, dial, switches the new gadget has is directly opposite of
your ability to understand the directions that come with it.
The
more frustrated you get when installing your gadget is proportionate to
how pushy and impatient your spouse becomes and decreases the odds of
having sex that day.
No matter what the gadget is, there is always someone close by that can fix, repair, or tweak the item and tells you so.
On relationships
The lack of understanding your spouse is directly related to their initiative to do something nice for you.
The intensity of your sexual desire is directly related to the timing of your spouse being sick.
There, I feel much better now.