Keen Home  | Blog Policies  | Help
Keen.com > Blogs > The Angel's Loft
Welcome to Community Sign in | Join | Help

Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

How many times have you been somewhere, and even though you weren't trying - you overheard a conversation... and you just want to butt in and give your two cents worth but fortunately, something keeps you from it and you don't? At the hair salon (a super great place to collect useless information) I heard a gal talking to her hair dresser. Hey, it's not like I had my radar tuned in - I couldn't help but overhear what she was saying... Anyhoo - I hear her say to her hairdresser, "Well, I suppose I'm a booty call for him" (long pause) "But whatever - I'm using him also".

Initially, I chuckled silently to myself. Seriously, how many women admit they are a "Booty Call"? Then, I felt a bit of sadness come over me. Who actually WANTS to be just a whatever/whenever/never mind person to another? Can this really be something that this woman wanted, or was she just accepting it and pretending to herself that it was okay - especially by adding the "whatever, I'm using him also"?

Another recent conversation came to my mind. This one was a woman that was fearful that all she was to this man was a "Booty call" and she truly wanted more from the relationship, but was afraid to say so. Why be afraid, I wondered to myself? Fear that your fears are going to be validated - and then what? A dose of reality would cover her up, and she would know. Instead, she chose to do the "ostrich dance" and keep the truth at bay - even though inside she knew the truth.

I suppose what I'm saying here is don't try and convince yourself that certain behaviors are acceptable and fine if, inside your heart, you really are not comfortable with them. IF you want more from the "arrangement" you should find the courage to say so. If it isn't something that your partner agrees to....what is it that you've truly "lost"? My take is that you've gained truth, and are now able to make an educated decision as to stay or go on to something that would be much more fulfilling for you. A mutual respect and a mutual relationship based on equality of what each of you want has to be more gratifying than ignoring what your true desires are.... right?

Food for thought on a Tuesday.....

******************
I'm available for your calls today
and, as always,
I send you angels,
Jane
Published Wednesday, July 08, 2009 7:45 AM by Jane Wilcox

Comment Notification

Subscribe to this post's comments using RSS

Comments

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 8:32 AM by DruidsGlenTarot

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

What a great blog, I have a book I highly recommend to many of my callers and it's called Be Honest, you were just not that into him either, by Ian Kerner Phd. It talks about the choices we make as women, and how we need to be honest with ourselves, about what we are looking for and go ahead have your own booty calls, IF you can handle them, but many of us cannot have that casual sex and are unhappy about wanting more because it started out as a booty call.
Thanks for this great blog, I am happy you shared it, it makes so many good points about being honest with ourselves and about our expectations and once we can do that, regardless of what comes out of any situation we are owning our wants, needs and desires which is SO important...
Joan
Tuesday, July 29, 2008 9:59 AM by Rosalea

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

Dear Jane:

This is a great blog and I just love it.  Joan is correct as usual about the honesty that is needed.  We have to be able to look in the mirror and see our own truth looking back at us.  I think this is not only true about relationships but about the path we walk on in our careers also.  Many women are too afraid to ask for promotions also and stay in "dead end" jobs because of the same fear.  Bless you Jane and thanks for the great blog today.

Rosie
Tuesday, July 29, 2008 4:21 PM by Jane Wilcox

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

Thank you both. I really should include that some women are really fine with this type of situation, however, they are the exception and not the rule. It's all a matter of choice, I suppose- and what the person or people want in their respective relationships. :-)
Tuesday, July 29, 2008 5:44 PM by DruidsGlenTarot

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

That's what's so great about the book it talks about YOU are the one with the CHOICE, but KNOW that once you are intimate it is a rare woman who can handle that and MOST want more. The all important thing is being honest with YOURSELF about what YOU can handle and KNOW that you MAY change your mind about what you want AFTER the intimacy, GREAT BLOG TOPIC, thanks for sharing it ....
Joan
Wednesday, July 30, 2008 7:08 AM by Jane Wilcox

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

Thanks for the book recommendation, haven't read it but it sounds like a great one. I'm all for choices. I'm also all about being non-judgmental or critical of the choices that others may make. True, when intimacy enters too early - well, there goes the mystery of what may be. Personally, I believe in a solid friendship first, and the anticipation to something more always makes things a lot more interesting if and when that time comes.... *smiles*
Saturday, August 16, 2008 7:08 AM by Just want to be free

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

I'm a 54 year old women who was married to a very controlling man for too long.  I have no interest in a long term relationship and have had to end affairs when the man wanted a commitment. You would think a guy would love the booty call thing but it's just not true.  The younger men are a little better.  As for myself, the freedom is intoxicating and I just found a musician who may be my next booty call.  My new life started at 50 and I'm enjoying every minute of it!

Saturday, August 16, 2008 10:41 AM by Tinkerbell

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

I'm erasing that Xlover out of my head! He doesnt exsist. It never happend. It was a dream for yrs. I keep telling myself this and soon, it will be gone from my memory for good.PEACE!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008 11:20 AM by rosynac

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

I was a booty call for about 11 months. A long time!! I fell in love with him and he knew it. He told me many times that he loved me too but I never believed it. We were friends at first and it happened before I could even realize what was really happening.He has another woman in his life with whom he has two kids. It was fine for me in the beginning, but as my feelings for him grew I couldn't take it anymore. I am better that just a few minutes of sex and then he has to go to the other one. I deserve someone who can be mine entirely.

The problem is that when I love someone it is hard for me to move to the next one.It's hard for me to have sex with anyone; I have to know that person and get to at least like him. I am still in love with that "loser" and I even have to force myself not to call him at times.
Friday, November 14, 2008 7:56 AM by Jane Wilcox

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

Rosynac, ask yourself if it is "Him" that you love or the attention that he offered you for a few minutes at a time? Do you miss HIM, or do you miss feeling special (for a few minutes at a time)? If you are able to really intellectualize what the "relationship" was, then you will be able to move beyond it. Also, ask yourself, are you upset with yourself, or him? Just food for thought, and I hope that you can and will move forward from it.
Monday, November 17, 2008 12:19 PM by Titania1970

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

This was an interesting read. I was appalled when I went to the US this summer and I learned the expression "booty call". I would never agree to such a thing. It is a reflection of our state of mind and of our opinion of our self worth. I am not opposed to one-night stands but to extend such an expression of sex is diving into dangerous waters...
Saturday, June 20, 2009 9:00 PM by Debbie

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

When I first learned what this term meant, it sickened me, frankly.  Since when does anybody want to be reduced to a single part of their anatomy? I am far more than just a vagina for a man.  I am a human being with feelings, needs, wants, and my own desires outside of mere sex.  I think this concept of "bootycall" is absolutely nothing more than another way of demeaning women.  Just because women enjoy sex, too, as they should, does not mean we should be "on call" for a man with a horny penis.  What exactly does "booty" refered to anyway?  If men need a bootcall, let them see a prostitute or better yet, masturbate.  I won't be reduced to an inanimate object, regardless of whether it's a pop culture idea or not.  It's despicable.  Then we wonder why our society in the U.S. is unraveling at the seams.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009 10:35 AM by bella7630

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

I don`t agree. These days a lot of women prefer a none committed relationship- we are not always ready, or have enough time for a real relationship.
Saturday, July 11, 2009 4:21 PM by ElizabethSanctis

# re: Sex, Lies and Booty Calls... Are YOU OKAY with it?

Recently
, it was pointed out to me that I am the type of woman who"stays" in a relationship.He is "phobic" abput commitment. He "runs from women like you" I got really angry with. Him and sarcastic and set up "ground rules" for any further interactions.Basic defense mechanism #1.your article really clarified this situation for me! I am not into "booty calls" If I am going to share my body, heart, and essence with a man, then He can darn well do the same!!  I mean,physical gratification without emotional intimacy is devaluing who and what I am. I want it all! U'm not talking marriage, here. I mean 1 man and 1 woman deciding to explore eachother's being inside an adult, exclusive relationship.Meaningless sexual gratification-get a Vibrator!!!

What do you think?

(required) 
(required) 
(required) 
Enter the numbers you see into the
field below. (required)