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Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

I am speaking to all of you ladies out there who are taking dating as a goal instead of a journey. I know! I know! I hear it often okay. I hear ya ladies! You are looking for the one and do not want to waste your time with someone who is not going to work out. Well you just decided to take the fun out of dating and make dating a stressful event.

It is ok to have a goal of marriage and children but you must remember how to enjoy getting to know a man and see if he has qualities that you like. Also he needs to see if you are marriage material. Learn to see dating as an educational experience also. You learn how to ask questions better, listen better and how to set boundaries. Even if I or another advisor says yes you have met the one, that does not mean speed things up.

So many of you feel cursed with dating. Let's get real here. It is hard for everyone out there to find a perosn that they are comfortable with. You may have to date several men for a long period of time before Mr. Right shows up. Lose the idea that you are cursed. You must not take it personal if it is hard to find that perfect man. First of all, perect does not exist. Perfect is an illusion. Love is work not romantical! Yes I am making fun of you romantics! How many of you think that he should just know what to say, what you are thinking and how to pamper you. Come on ladies! Communicate!

Stop expecting the worse case scenario. Find the positives in a person and trust that he will find the positives in you. One flaw does not make him damaged. It makes him human. Lose the expectations and just get to know eachother. Give it several dates to see where things are going. Do not put out and if you do give up the goodies do not expect anything and do not regret it.

I can go on and on. Basically, enjoy the process and stop making dating a goal because it is suppose to be fun. Expect little and you will get more.

 

Published Monday, June 09, 2008 8:19 PM by justaskdrdonna

Comments

Sunday, June 08, 2008 10:24 AM by SirCheo

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping!

Wow not to my surprise I am blown away by the wisdom here and the concise articulate understandable way that you wrote it . Shame on ego for seeing the post and thinking I could go in and offer some tips on Man shopping . I know what kind of clothes , tech gadgets and stuff guys like !!!
The only insight I could possibly add to this article is.......
ReRead it again and again , etc.
Blessings and Love , Cheo
Sunday, June 08, 2008 11:13 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping!

thank you for liking my post. i will repost it because i want us ladies to read it. women are too goal oriented with finding the ' right one" and forgetting how to enjoy dating and to stay open.
Sunday, June 08, 2008 10:44 PM by Liz Andrews James

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping!

As always Donna... you ROCK!!!  Great post.  Men are wonderfully flawed just like us ladies.  I love meeting new men, but then, I'm somewhat of a serial dater, LOL.  I don't look for relationship per se, I just allow them to happen.  Some times they work, sometimes they don't and then again most of my former loves have all remained great friends.  Don't push it, don't force it baby... just let it happen naturally.

:))
Witchy
Monday, June 09, 2008 6:07 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping!

yes letting it happen naturally is the right way. too many women are too determined to make a man fit into their perception. we hate when men treat us that way. we must allow ourselves to appreciate the differences in eachother.some women still want the fairy tale. it does not exist! you can have an awesome love relationship even with the two parites are not a " perfect" fit.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 9:25 AM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

"...do not want to waste your time with someone who is not going to work out. Well you just decided to take the fun out of dating and make dating a stressful event."

That's the brilliance, right there.  I hated dating before I was married, now I love it (KIDDING!!  Gesh.)  

But I'm not kidding when I say that Donna "gets it"...and she is sharing it with us.  Dating should be fun.  And if you don't get "the wrong ones" every now and then, how they heck do you recognize the right ones!

Gracias my friend,  Bravo to your post!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 10:02 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Math, i think i love you because we can agree and disagree on issues. thank you for liking this post.

so many women are draine and discouraged when they date because they are shopping too hard for the right one. enjoy window shopping, trying on different men to se if you two are a fit.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 10:20 AM by Ancestor of Light

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

thank you for the posting
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 10:44 AM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

To disagree but yet continue to exchange ideas is how progress occurs!  Without our "chats", I'd have no idea how you think.  I need to know that if *I* want to think differently.

And Yes, Donna...in dating, if he does not fit, you can return him!  In marriage, not so much.  ;-)

BTW - That was not intended to have an adult tone.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008 12:55 PM by EVOLU

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

OK>>> I came in here thinking I was going to be reading about actual shopping for men.. like buying them presents.. with Fathers Day approaching.. LOL>> I had all sorts of suggestions.. and whenever in doubt, buy shampoo and gel only the expensive type *it shows how special they are to you - now since this article really is about actually shopping FOR a man, make sure you don't settle for a man who does not wash his hair (I can't help it I am a Hairdresser)
Good article and very pointed Donna
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 1:08 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

i know, the blog has a title that could go either way. when i wrote it, all i could think about is how much shopping a woman does for the right one. she never enjoys the shopping, it is like picking out the right outfit in two minutes and getting ut of the mall( dating scene) asap! i hear the frustrations of many fellow siters and i thought wow women are killing their spirits by pushing for the right man and not even realizing that they can cut him out if they do not give it a chance past one date.
so shop away and try on those outfits( men)!


Math, the best men are in california! even the french ones! a little joke between us! i am coming to D.C. for a seminar aug 14th so i will see what is so great about that part of the country.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 1:25 PM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED


God, I think of the men in Cali that I know and canot really call them the BEST men; some of them are pretty hot, though.  Oh, yeah.  And if you like 'em dumb...perfect ;-)  (I suspect I'm not scoring points with the Cali guys here.)

Donna, I think a big part of your enjoyment in the Nation's Capitol will be based on where you stay.  D.C proper is a TINY area.  I mentioned before that DC has an extreme divide between rich and poor.  I have friends on both side of the fence.  The average income in DC is about $150k  (nat avg is $34k)...but something like 25% of the residents are on welfare.  But the population is small and easily skewed by the number of high dollar lobbiest and lawyers who live in the city.  You'll see what I mean if explore a bit.  BIG divide.  

If you go into MD or VA, it's a different experience.  MD is small.  Virginia much bigger.  If you give me an idea of where you are staying, I can tell you some interesting things to do.  Warning...interesting may not always be high-end.  But generally it does mean very real.

And I may have some friends that could interest you... ;-)  That is, if you like wicked smart guys (who just *happen* to be hot ;-)
     

Tuesday, June 10, 2008 1:47 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

i emailed you my info for d.c. i want to see what the men are like in d.c. i can consider it a science experiment cali men vs. d.c. men
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 1:50 PM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

I went through a similar experiment ;-)  D.C guys won for me (well, a Virginia guy, anyway)...

I used to think Cali guys wer emore laid back, but Girl, you don;t get more relaxed than my husband.  LOL.  Sometimes I have to poke him to make sure he's still breathing!  LOL.  Kidding.  Though he diabetic and sometimes I wake him up if he's not snoring, just to go check his blood sugar.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008 2:54 PM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Donna...I just sent you a LOOOOOONG email with things to do in DC.

I was somewhat general, but if you tell me what your focus is, I can give you more specific ideas!

And no male strip clubs were on the list.  

Just so you know.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 3:18 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

i bet d.c. has plenty of strip clubs. the politicians need something to do after hours! lol!
thank you for the email. it is helpful.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 3:28 PM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED


Why, are you looking for work while you're here?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 3:34 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

maybe, if politicians tip well!lol!
i wonder do they care if their stripper is of the same political party as theirs. just a thought.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 6:06 PM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

lol.  I can't imagine too many strippers being Republicans.

On the other hand, one never knows in Washington!  They might just be putting themselves through law school...or chiro school! ;=)

DC does have strip clubs, no worries Donna.  It will be just like home.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 5:23 AM by Lady Hope

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Dating may be "unloved" and "unwanted" by some but it is the spiritual education required to learn enough about yourself and others in order to "find that one". Skipping the steps does not allow you to pass the work and get to the finish line! It is through dating you change who you are and then really see who you need. We are too impatient as a society. Not only that drdonna is totally right as to passing up on a man who may be "the one" but you cannot recognize him because you choose to just skip him by simply because you don't date enough lol. I have met many men who I might not like at first glance, but when I get to know them they become very very attractive simply based on who they show me they are. Attraction is not instantaneous..at least the very best deep kind that last a lifetime. All of us have been in deep lust..its different when it becomes true love.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 5:24 AM by Lady Hope

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Republican strippers heather would wear ties and special shiney shoes. Also a ton of hairspray as to keep their hair in place.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 6:10 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Lady Hope, I love what you said because so many of us want to skip lessons and not have to bring up their old junk so that it can be healed. I am always telling my callers to see the experience and that there is something some type of lesson in it for them.
I always hear where is the normal man. I say what is normal.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 7:03 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

whatever you do remember that a relationship is icing on the cake and you need to be a fully baked cake before icing it. never look for a man to  fix you or heal you. that is not his purpose. his purpose is to love you but spiritually challenge you.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 9:03 AM by Lady Hope

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

That is it exactly! You cannot expect to meet your other half when you have not completed your half into a whole by growing through the steps. Its ridiculous to think you could break into a relationship without getting your feet wet and it lasting a lifetime. Thats one of the mistakes so many of us make. I want my clients to have a fullfilling lifetime of love not just a couple of years of love.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 9:43 AM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

I totally agree.  If you don't know YOU, then how do you know your own BS?  I mean, we all have it.  We need to learn to 1) edit ourselves and 2) check ourselves.  Sometimes WE do cause the problems.  Well, not ME ;-)

Lady Hope, I first read your shiny shoes and ties comment thinking "Is she implying *I* am a republican stripper in a tie and shiny shoes?"  

Donna...nothing more upsetting to me than my sig other being Half-Baked.  I dated a guy like that once.  He said "Dude" and "whoa" a lot and sometimes just stared at the hairs on his hands.  Good Ben & Jerry's flavor though!    

Wednesday, June 11, 2008 9:48 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

so many women want a smooth relationship which secretly means they do not want to face their issues, fear or pain. we must all do it. love and romance is the disguise that draws us to want a relationship. the real goal is to work out spiritual baggage. if the relationship is too east all the time, it ain't the real thing.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 1:52 PM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Bravo!

A relationship is never about being perfect but being OK.
It is not about never having discourse but learning to accept that bumps do happen and it is how you handle it AS A COUPLE that matters.


 
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 10:47 PM by Lady Hope

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

One of my biology professors stated that once women could figure out how to simulate fertilization there really is no need for males. Sorry guys, but this does make sense scientifically. Although I would miss you, gorgeous things!
Thursday, June 12, 2008 8:19 PM by The Mathematician

# re: Some Basics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Lady H,

Was the bio professor male or female?  Just curious.

A female would be shedding opinion...a male, perhaps his fear!  ;-)
Friday, June 13, 2008 12:15 AM by Lady Hope

# re: Some Boasics About Man Shopping! REPOSTED

Male, and older. Well older then me at the time hehehe, I would guess his early 50s. Actually he was quite serious. Although we all nervously laughed. One of the things he also taught..which I loved was that men have aprx I think its, dont quote me here, 7 places to stop reproduction in their systems, women have 27.  Why are we fooling around with the complex system to accomplish stopping reproduction, such as the IUD or the pill, why are we not working on the simpler system that is easier to work on as well as not endanger it as much. I thought hey yeah...but now I know why..as to do with who has to protect themselves with the responsibility.
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