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The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

There has been many of you who are just plain frustrated and rightfully so. So many of you have a long winded relationship that is draining because you have done your part and your partner has not done their part.

Yes, some of you have to move on and some of you have to keep yourself busy while you are waiting for your partner to get their self together.

This blog is for those of you who do not want to deal with the soulmate/relationship stress and just want a smoother situation. Your current relationship/break up has been disappointing and you just want a partner that is emotionally present and ready to take the lead. I say that you must take a break and analyze your past relationship/break up before trying to date.

THERE IS PLENTY OF GOOD REASONS TO TAKE A BREAK FROM DATING....

If you are still hurting over your past relationship and want to date in order to escape the pain, you can be adding on even more pain. the reason why is because you are going to attract someone who is just like you, trying to forget the ex by getting under someone new. You both will be making each other responsible for eachothers' happiness. You will criticize everything that goes wrong in the new relationship and swear that it is just like your past relationship. You will be correct in a sense that you can only see the bad side of a person if you have not let go of the past.

You will require your new partner to cater to your emotions so that you are so busy until you do not have time to think about your past relationship. This will become a mental work out for you and your new partner. You may want to speed up the relationship by wanting to know if you can marry the new person or at least live together so that you can feel secure that your new partner isn't going ot leave you. This will prevent you from knowing the new person well enough to even know if you would want a long term relationship with them. The relationship will be needy and not healthy. That will make it a new form of emotional torture.

There is much to be said about rebound relationships. They can be very fast, hurtful, intense and very emotional destructive. It is better to take a break in between relationships So that you can be clear on who you are and what you need. This will help you to pick a healthy partner.

HOW TO HEAL FROM PAST BAD RELATIONSHIPS.........

1. Forgive it. Learn what you could of done differently and forgive yourself. than forgive your partner for their part in the break up. YOU MUST FEEL THE PAIN IN ORDER TO HEAL THE PAIN. SO DEAL WITH THE PAIN!

2. Learn what ever lessons came form the relationship. Whether you learned to stand up for yourself, to compromise, etc. that way the lessons are not repeated in your next relationship.

3. No blaming the other person. People come with baggage and some never face their baggage, If your ex cheated or whatever they did to you. Let it go because it does not serve you. Cheating is about the cheater and not the person being cheated on.

4. Make sure that you love yourself so that you are not outsourcing for validation. You want a balanced relationship.

5. Be yourself but a healthy self.

6. Be clear on what you want in a partner. Write it down. Give as much as you take in a relationship.

 

Published Tuesday, December 09, 2008 10:04 AM by justaskdrdonna

Comments

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 3:07 PM by Debskm

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

I love reading your posts! I can't tell you how many relationships haven't worked because of something I didn't know I was doing. I finally got what I was doing, now we will see if I can put what I've learned into action, insted of knowing and not being able to follow threw.
I've believed people should take time before jumping into another. Always easier to say than do.
Love your straight talk. You are able to put it into easy language to understand.
Thanks for your continuing efforts!!!
Your Awesome!
Tuesday, December 09, 2008 4:16 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

Thank you Debskm for your comment and your compliment. I think we have all tried to date someone new in order to get over the past. It is a normal reaction to do so but not the best reaction. The world is based on relationships. So many people have their friends say move on or as soon as they break up, their friends will tell them to go find some one new. It is not a good escape.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008 4:18 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

Also I forgot to tell people to do the Byron Katie worksheets on their past relationships. It may be tough to flip on theirself but it is therapeutic. I have done it on past relationships and I am able to be friends with all of my ex's. They do not understand why I do not hate them. I told them because I love myself more.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008 9:34 PM by Debskm

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

I've been on Byron Katie's web page, took me a while to find the worksheets. Which work sheets are you talking about? There are several different down loads and two worksheets. Thanks
Tuesday, December 09, 2008 10:16 PM by Lady Hope

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

I actually did this. I took a 2 year break from dating and even thinking about the opposite sex. I kept picking the same kind of guy. I would fall in love, he wouldn't, He would go I would cry and on to the next one same thing. I started to figure out hey something is wrong here and apparently its me! lol. It was one of the smarter things I had done and I am not too bright in times of emotional attachments. I do well helping others but in my own life its a bit more difficult...and isn't it for everyone? What I did figure out is if I continually pick the same kind of person over and over and he is wrong and wrong something needs to change. IN this case it was me!

At first I was lonely as all get out but eventually I started feeling stronger and what was really cool was I started to feel like I was a fine wine who could afford to wait and sift through the finest other wines.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 6:21 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

The worksheets is called " the four questions" it will have you write about the person than flip it on yourself. WILD BUT MOSTLY ACCURATE? It reminds us that what we want from peopel is what we really want from ourself.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 6:22 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

Dear Lady Hope, that is great that you took a break. Now you have a wonderful and very loving partner because of it.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 7:33 AM by justaskdrdonna

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

This is why when a woman meets a great guy and they start off good than he suddenly disapears it is because he is rebounding and he is not ready to move on.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 9:26 AM by tiddlywinks33

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

LOL! I love the title of this one, Donna! I admit that I haven't yet read the body of the blog (will do so later), but I laughed so hard that I had to comment on the cheeky angle you added to it's title.

Cheers! :)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 6:39 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: The Best Way To Get Over Someone Is Not Necessarily To Get Under Someone New

Dear Tiddly, I had to make the blog eye catching. I remember when I broke up with my ex in chiro school. I had several friends tell me to geet under someone new. It was a disaster! I learned take a break and heal.
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