I haven't written in awhile and for all of u who read, I am sorry that is first and foremost.  For those of you who don't know my marriage came to an end in July.  I fought an 8 year battle to hang on and in the end I just could no longer do it.   I find that is what Spirit wants me to relate today. 
   Sometimes the life lesson isnt when is it going to get better , sometimes its I need to learn to let go.  My mother always told me there is a difference between self centered and self preserving.  For those of you who know me, you know I can be a caring giving person.  When I first met my husband it was a beautiful relationship, one where he exhibited alot of caring and attention.  I loved it and I loved him right away, experiencing that energy that u can only know if u have experienced it.   We moved in together and proceeded to raise a family, a blended family his children and mine.
   I first noticed something might have been wrong, when we were cleaning the kitchen one night and I touched his back gently and he started screaming at me.  I left the kitchen immediately with tears in my eyes.  But like some that I talk to, I chose to ignore the red flag because, I loved him, and I forged on.
   Over the years I heard many times, I was "dumb as dirt"  , or how "I made him sick" .  Yet I found a reason to stay in my heart, his kids needed me.  My kids needed a family, I couldn't afford it.  Even when Spirit showed me I could afford it.  I still made the mistake of thinking... it was my responsibility.   I did him no favors me no favors and I did the children even less justice.     Now some may say well you did what was right for his kids.  That to a point would be true.  But I learned when I moved in July, I did not do what was right for mine when I stayed.  And mine ... are the ones I was responsible for. 
   In July, when he screamed at me and finally said I want a divorce, the switch i always talk about flipped for me and I said okay.

   So the life lesson here, is love well, but pay attention.  Alot of times in many of your situations, it is so much more than does he love me? 

   So...in the end ...sometimes an Ending is just a beginning