Article: Friendship with Benefits
I know for many of out there this will be a sensitive topic. The reason being because you may be caught in the middle of this type of relationship. A friendship with benefits is a relationship were you are friends with someone whom you would to be more romantically involved but your stuck in the middle. The middle point being sexual. You have the connection of being friendly towards each other, hanging out, having many things in common but no romantic relationship or commitment. Then every so often you both cross the boundary and be sexually or intimate with each other. Many times there is one person who wants this friendly sexual interlude to turn into a serious relationship. For the most part its a female who gets easily attached to the man and hopes one day by giving a intimate part of themselves it will one day turn into a serious relationship. Many times it does not.
Men can separate sex from intimacy. For men sex can simply be sex, nothing more nothing else. It just adds extra kudos that its someone they already know and they don't have to try so hard to impress. I remember asking a guy when was the last time he had sex and his answer was "three weeks ago" then he replies "but it was with a friend". Then as I continue talking to him I ask him "when was the last time you went out on a date" and his reply was " two years ago". Doesn't that make you think " Hmmm let me add the math here" How can this guy just have sex with a friend and yet went out on a real date two years ago. Simple! He didn't see his friend whom he had sex with as someone he really wanted to be romantically involved, she was a friend who he had sex with. There was another guy who later became my boyfriend I remember asking him when was the last time he had sex and his response was " a year ago...with a friend" Then I asked him when he went out on a date and he said " three years ago". These are not made up answers, by the way, these are facts.
If you are caught in a "friendship with benefits" type of relationship and you want it to get more serious then you will want to ask some important questions to your friend. For example
· How do you see me?
· If I am your friend then why are we having sex?
· Do you like me only as a friend?
You have to take the chance and approach this person about your greatest concern because majority of the time I have noticed with many out there that if your caught in a friendship with benefits type of relationship you stand a good chance it will not turn into anything else but a friendship with sex. You can take control of this situation by not being sexually involved with this person. If they still like you and want to spend time with you with no sex then this can be someone of importance that can turn into a romantic relationship. If you noticed this person pulling away your first reaction will be to give in, but your just making it easy for them. You need to stand up for yourself and let them know " if your just looking for a friendship with benefits then it wont be with me". This person will compromise when they see how much you mean to them. They will compromise. I keep repeating it because you need to give yourself proper credit. You are a good person and don't need to settle. If you ever feel that your friendship is in question you can always call me and we can talk about this issue.
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Cynthia
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