Seven Reasons Not To Mess With Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
--A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid,
stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little
Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by
yourself!"
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Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing
the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"
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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his
students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the
Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they
understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He
grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Davie, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know!
He's in our bathroom!"
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very
long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Davie how he knew this
Little Davie said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on
the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"
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The math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in
class. She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28
and 44?"
Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
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Little Davie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of
the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a
picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Davie asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his
picture?"
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Little Davie attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down
the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Davie asked,
"Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make
sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Davie, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
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Angels Explained by Children
- I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.
Gregory, 5
- Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
Olive, 9
- It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
Matthew, 9
- Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
Mitchell, 7
- My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science.
Henry, 8
- Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!
Jack, 6
- Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
Daniel, 9
- When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.
Reagan, 10
- Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.
Sara, 6
- Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.
Jared, 8
- All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.
Antonio, 9
- My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
Katelynn, 9
- Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.
Vicki, 8
- What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.
Sarah, 7