Throughout our lives we are subject to conditioning from our
environment. The mind picks up on social expectations and beliefs as well as
the beliefs of family, friends, and teachers. We begin to associate our
identity, roles and feelings by the conditioning we are exposed to.
In the Chakra system we are prone to different kinds of conditioning and based
on the open centers we begin to dialogue in our minds. For instance, I have an
open or undefined emotional center. That means that I am, by design a
Non-Emotional being. I don't particularly "feel" things based on what
is happening on an emotional level. Surprising information considering I always
believed I was super emotional. I've always had strong emotional reactions to
people and I can especially feel their emotions. The trouble is those emotions
were not mine. With an undefined emotional center I simply took on their
emotions and amplified them. I would then personalize those emotions and spin.
For many years I've watched people process their unconscious programs. It's an
interesting thing when someone realizes a program is running in their lives and
has been making decisions for them. The unconscious mind wants us to believe
that it's there to protect us, guide us and keep us on track. Unconscious
programs begin to create thought streams, responses and even desires based on
fears and beliefs. Unfortunately, the unconscious mind has a very loud voice.
The voice in the mind leads us to believe that we should do this or that, think
this or that, have this or that. We pursue goals, relationships and dreams
based on these unconscious programs. For some people, they were brought up to
believe they must get a college degree, become a Doctor, Lawyer, or an Accountant.
As they embark on this path, everything in their minds directs them
unconsciously to reach for these things. The more the person disconnects from
their true nature and follows the unconscious mind, the more they become
disenchanted and frustrated or angry.
When we are living our lives based on unconscious
programming, we are prone to health problems, depression, and overall dissatisfaction in life. We are attracted to things that can’t truly bring us happiness, peace
or harmony. We question everything, doubt ourselves and circle around the same
conditions in life.
Becoming conscious of your own undefined centers and
programs will allow you the freedom to change your life and gain peace in a way
you’ve never experienced it. We are here to experience all of life in a
harmonic way. I’m here to help you find your path to love, peace and joy!
May all your dreams manifest in the most miraculous way!
Bernadette Dickinson © 2009
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At one point or another we pause in life and ask ourselves if
we are fulfilling our life purpose. Some people do it during a “Mid Life” crisis,
while others do it after a succession of failed relationships or unsatisfying
jobs. Pausing to evaluate your life is an important and valuable tool to
finding yourself and your purpose.
In many spiritual teachings you learn that your only purpose
is to love yourself and others unconditionally. Doing so is not as easy as it
sounds. We are told to find love in ourselves and others even when things
happen that hurt our feelings. We are to find and express love in all things,
all situations, with all beings.
Expressing love, compassion and kindness when we are happy
is easy. Doing so when we are depressed, hurt or offended is much more
difficult but not impossible. Throughout history there have been Masters and
Saints that exemplified this. Jesus, Buddha, Ghandi, Mother Teresa and even
Princess Diana showed us how to offer ourselves and our lives as a tool for
loving kindness. They showed compassion for those who were in need, sick, and
even lost.
Our purpose truly is to love. We are called to live our
lives in a state of love, both giving and receiving. We are asked to see love
in all things, even if what we experience doesn’t feel good. To go beyond
oneself and give more then you thought you were capable of is a true act of
love.
If you are at a crossroads in life and searching for
fulfillment, ask yourself “What would love do through me”? You may get an
inclination to push on in a dull relationship. You may get a thought to pursue
a long held dream. You may have an urging to volunteer your time to a worthy
cause. It may be as simple as a feeling or thought to focus on being more
loving in your relationships with your children, parents, friends or
co-workers.
There is a reason we honor people like Mother Theresa. The compassionate,
loving example she set by living her life as a Humanitarian, Teacher, Healer
and Mother to many impoverished continues to affect the world in a profound
way. She gave up the comforts of Convent living to live among the poor and
destitute to fulfill a call within.
Whether you are a teacher, homemaker, cashier or celebrity
you can build a life that reflects love and compassion. Your life does matter
and what you do with the life you’ve been given is the most important thing in
this world.
As we continue to face economic trouble throughout the
world, we are asked to give of ourselves beyond what we believed was possible. When
you make the choice to give of yourself even though you are lacking, you begin
to receive blessings untold.
May you be blessed and be a blessing!
Bernadette Dickinson © 2009 All Rights Reserved
Life is full of many things that brings on a feeling of loneliness and depression. Major changes like breakups, losing a job, losing a friend and even death of a loved one can bring on a strong feeling of defeat. Many people withdraw when faced with these types of major change. We tend to go into a protective shell. We no longer want to share our feelings or turmoil with others. Instead, we internalize our sadness which creates a sense of separation and loneliness. Prolonged periods of isolation can turn into depression where we no longer have physical energy, can't think of positive aspects of life and can't envision a happy future.
If you are coping with any of these major changes, you're not alone. To break the downward spiral there are things you can do. The following is a list of how to break it slowly and re-engage in life.
- Make a daily schedule - Wake up at a designated time, add a few "to do" items. Work to complete each item, giving yourself plenty of time. When you finish you're day you feel better that you accomplished something. As the days go by add 1 more item to the list a day.
- Keep a journal or diary - Write your thoughts, feelings and experience daily. This is where you let everything out. Get it out of your system and into your journal. Keep your journal in a safe place where no one can access it. At the end of every entry be sure to write a wish. Write a positive thing you want to experience.
- Exercise - Do some form of body movement everyday. Start with small increments of time and increase it by minutes each day. Exercise has a profound effect on the emotions. When we exercise our body releases "happy" hormones called Dopamine and Seratonin. Dance, yoga, walking, stretching are all body movements that get these hormones producing.
- Give to others - Volunteer or donate time, resources or money. When we give to others, especially when we are in need, it creates an energy of reciprocity. Although we may not get back from the person/thing we initially give to, we do get back. Giving breaks the feeling of isolation and stagnation. It connects us to life again.
- Find a Support Network - If you don't have friends or family that are supportive, find a support group. With the internet there are ways to connect to others going through the same thing as you. Talk with them, chat with them. You can also find support groups through local churches, newspaper listings and even hospitals.
- Identify your passion - Find out what makes your fire of passion light. Think back to happier times and things you loved doing. Start doing little things to fulfill that passion. It can be as simple as reading, cooking, animals. When you know what you're passionate about seek groups or classes to get involved with to fulfill your passion.
Don't give up! Everyday you will take a step forward and before you know it you will feel connected to life again and your sadness will fade.
I used to run my own horse facility until 10 years ago. Four years ago I had to let go of my own horses and have missed it. With life's challenges I thought it impossible to have that passion fulfilled. Now I volunteer at a Horse Rescue a few times a week. Whether I'm grooming the horses, cleaning or finding ways to raise money, I get so much satisfaction from helping and being involved in these special creatures survival.
If you need help breaking the cycle of loneliness or sadness, call me, I'm here to help! 1-800-275-5336 ext bvision (2841466)
Blessings,
Bernadette Dickinson
(c) 2009
After taking a call the other day in which the caller wanted me to tell her what someone was doing and being stopped by Spirit, I felt this blog necessary.
There is a lot of information available during a Psychic Reading. The information that comes through however is meant to empower the caller in making progress in their own life. When we ask information about others and it pertains to our lives, Spirit gives direction. When we ask information that has no bearing on our lives but instead pry's into the life of another, Spirit goes mute.
After several years of channelling information from Spirit it has become clear that there are times we are given only certain information. At other times when no information is available, we are not to know. Life is meant to be lived moment by moment and we can only grow through our experiences.
I can't control the information I am given it is only my responsibility to tell you what I see or hear. Sometimes Spirit redirects the reading to the "root" of the problem you are asking about and always empowers you.
I see what I see and convey that information accordingly. I am here to assist you on your journey. Please understand if Spirit stops me from giving information it is not meant for you to know. You can be assured if I don't see something I will tell you and won't ever make up a detailed story just to draw you in or keep you calling.
Be at Peace,
Bernadette
Everyday our lives act as a mirror and reflection for us to truly see where we need to grow and where we need to give. Relationships provide a very personal mirror to the beliefs, attitudes and points of growth within us.
When things are flowing smoothly it’s easy to see beauty and express love. When things begin to become conflicted and full of turmoil we tend to blame others, circumstances and events for our unhappiness. During the times when things are challenging, we have the biggest opportunity to grow.
How others relate to us can be a very big mirror. When others seem hostile, angry or selfish we want to point blame. We in turn get defensive and can easily see their faults and faulty beliefs. How often do we stop our judgments of others and ask ourselves “What do I have to learn from this about myself”?
In romantic relationships we are quick to feel injured, rejected, abandoned and rejected when the object of our desire doesn’t respond in accord with our desires. In turn we withdraw, disconnect or retaliate. This energy only perpetuates our negative feelings and can destroy a relationship quickly.
Daily practice of mindfulness and meditation can create conscious and loving behaviors in you and in turn those around you.
When things around you begin to feel chaotic, overwhelming or just dissatisfying ask these questions:
What am I projecting to others and my environment?
What am I thinking about this situation or person?
How can I change my thoughts and feelings about this to reflect love?
What Am I really upset about?
What can I give to someone else that I feel I am lacking?
When you begin to clarify how you feel, and shift to a place of love for yourself and others, you will instantly see a shift of energy. Sometimes that means allowing others to feel angry, sad or take time alone. Allowing others the freedom to express themselves fully is the ultimate act of love. If they are being abusive then it is up to you to stay a safe distance from them. Know you can’t change someone and accept you can only change yourself.
I will be posting communication techniques in upcoming blogs. Until then, Happy Living!!
Blessings,
Bernadette © 2009 all rights reserved
As many across the world lose jobs, homes and loved ones, I feel moved to share a true and personal story with you.
9 years ago I leased and operated a Horse Training and Boarding facility. I quickly built the business to full capacity and was doing what I dreamed of doing. I had a relationship, lived on the property and felt like I was on top of the world. I woke up at 5am every day to feed and check horses. After morning feeding, I rode the horses in full training and tended to the various chores always needing attention.
Five years prior to running the facility, I began having recurring dreams where a Spirit Guide would tell me I was moving to Colorado. I lived in San Diego and had no desire to move to a cold, mountain climate. As the dreams continued I began to talk to the guide telling him I was not moving. I pushed for what I wanted and created a life I was happy with. During the same time I had a recurring dream of a child. A little boy named "Joshua" would visit me. Joshua communicated through his eyes. Steel gray eyes pierced me and he would consistently call me "Mom". I laughed at him, told him repeatedly I am not your Mother but I can help you find her. He would not budge but would appear over and over in my dreams stating I was him Mother. I had a child, was not wanting to be a mother to a second child. I had been single and raising my daughter for several years and had no desire to add to my responsibilities.
Back at the ranch, I was engaged to a man that was a recovered alcoholic. We got along well, I helped him with his business and he helped with what he could on the ranch. Everything was great until he relapsed. In the course of a couple of months he spent thousands of dollars, disappeared for weeks on end. His family somehow blamed me for his relapse. They also believed he was giving me all his money. I had sold my boat and financed my Training business from the equity. As his alcoholism progressed, he was sent to treatment. Somehow his sister pretended to be me and had my water and electricity at the ranch turned off. All sorts of mayhem broke out as you can imagine. My fears soared as I restored utilities and water. It quickly became apparent the family would continue to sabatoge me as I received threats.
Within a three day period so much happened. My bank account was emptied and I was left with no communication with my boyfriend. I was broke, living on the property at the facility and had 7 horses to care for of my own along with over 40 boarded horses. I cried, stressed, prayed and generally freaked out.
I began having dreams, and the voice of Spirit came through one day while I sat in my office. Spirit asked me in a voice that seemed "out loud", "Are you ready to move to Colorado"? I yelled, "What"? "Are you kidding me"? Then the voice spoke more gently and said, "It's time to move". I was terrified, angry and flabbergasted. After all my resisting, I finally agreed there was no other way. I sold 5 of my horses, let the boarders know I had to go and quickly dispersed of what I could to pay the bills. In the end, I paid off the bills and had a total of $1800 to my name.
It took 48 hours to close the ranch, put my things in storage and figure out where I was to go. A whirlwind of activity ensued. Spirit directed me to go on a Spiritual journey for 5 days and promised to show me where I was to end up. After 3 days in Sedona, AZ I drove a loop of Colorado and returned to San Diego. I brought home a map and Spirit directed me to the Four Corners Area of Colorado and said "You will move here".
I had no income, no home and had to feed myself, my daughter, 2 horses and a dog. I had no idea where I would end up, how I would earn a living and how I would survive in a place I knew no one. Within 3 phone calls, I rented the mobile home on the property I own now. The owner rented it to me over the phone, sight unseen, no credit check, no deposit. From there everything fell into place.
I prayed vehemently and asked to have every step guided. Within 3 days I moved into my new home with my daughter, dog and horses. Once I settled in, I balanced my checkbook and began freaking out at the fact that I had exactly 2 months of rent, food and bill money. Quickly Spirit directed me to do readings full time and train horses on the side. Within two weeks I was earning more then before. As I continued to let Spirit guide me, I was able to purchase my home.
Since that very traumatic time, I've bought my property, built a new house, had a baby and built a successful business. My daughter who is now 7 turned out to be "Joshua". She was born with Steel Grey eyes that turned brown when she was 6 months old. Native Americans tell me thats a sign of being a healer and seer.
Had I not yielded to Spirit when my life came crashing down, I may have had a much harder time of it. Instead, I have been blessed abundantly and repeatedly.
If you are facing circumstances that are similar, pray, meditate and ask for guidance. Sometimes even the darkest of trials are meant to bring us to a place of abundance. We struggle, resist and make things harder on ourselves. Pay attention to your dreams, give a listen to your intuition. If you still don't know what to make of your circumstances, call me and I'll shed some light from Spirit.
May all your dreams become your reality!!
Bernadette Dickinson
(c)2009 all rights reserved.
Today The Sun is in Aries in the 12th house giving a much more intuitive and psychic energy and Aries is Rising. Mercury the planet of communication is also in Aries along with Venus the planet of love also in the 12th house, creating a desire to serve others with compassion. Mars is in Pisces in the 12th house
The moon is in Libra in the 6th house highlighting Health and Hygeine. Now is a great time to focus on small details in career and health. Beware of being critical of others.
This month Pluto retrogrades giving us the opportunity to restructure our lives and change things we’ve wanted changed. This is a great month to personally change habits, behaviors and get out of ruts. On a world level it’s a time of change and things that have been out of harmony due to power struggles or power issues begin to emerge. As we notice these huge imbalances we all call for change. Mass consciousness wants new answers to old questions in regards to government and it’s use or abuse of power and how business is conducted.
The full moon on Thursday April 9th will begin to provide the energy necessary to balance and harmonize in cooperation with others.
I will get more into the monthly aspects as the month progresses.
We are on day 2 of our Growing Dome installation. I will be taking calls all day. It's really awesome the crew we have. Each person on the install crew is very spiritual. 1 is a Psychic Channeler, 1 is a Reiki Healer, 1 is a Rolfer and the other is a Buddhist from Tibet. The Buddhist is a very soft spoken man who was a Tibetan Monk. I got to work by his side yesterday and ask questions about Tibet. God works in such awesome ways showing me constantly the diverse expressions of his love. I will be creating a video and slide show of the install and final product on my website in the next few days. As we raise our food and fish in the dome I will have a page dedicated to life inside the dome. In the winter the dome will maintain a temp of about 50s and 60s even with temps in the teens. It's totally solar and self regulating in it's design. I plan to spend a bunch of time in there and plan to do my readings there as much as possible when it's done.
Have an Awesome Day!!
Bernadette
Get Your Partner’s Attention
Many women call me and ask what to do to get the flames fanned in an existing relationship or marriage. Life has become dull and routine. Each partner has their own daily and weekly routine of work, home, TV and bed. For many, after years being with your partner it just seems like they don’t notice you anymore. It seems like the compliments and affirmative words have ceased. Don’t worry, there is a way to shake things up and have your partner notice you again.
Once we are in a committed relationship we typically share every detail of our lives with our partner. We tell them what we are doing, where we are going and the mystery dies. In the beginning of the relationship, the excitement was in figuring the other out. There was a pursuer and the pursued. After commitment we fall into routines, the excitement and the chase disappear.
When your partner gets wrapped up in TV, Computers or hobbies, nagging him for attention won’t do much good. In fact, the more you ask for attention the more likely you are to get less attention. Asking your man to “talk” to you will only create a resistance in him. Asking him to spend “quality time” will make his eyes roll into his head.
The problem isn’t that your man doesn’t want to pay attention to you. The problem lies in a lack of motivation for him to do so. By motivation I don’t mean he doesn’t care. A man becomes motivated to take action when he feels he is not fully informed or in control of a situation. For instance, he barely turns away from his football game on TV when you are leaving because he has little motivation to do so. He knows where you are going and when you will be back. If however you left without saying a word, he might call you and ask where you went. As soon as he has his answer he will be right back to his previous activity of watching TV.
If you want to get his attention in small ways that add up to motivation, here are a few suggestions:
Get dressed up with makeup and hair done to go grocery shopping.
Get done up and go to the mall, coffee shop or book store. Tell him you’re going shopping but return without purchasing anything. When he asks why you didn’t bring anything home considering you were gone for 3 hours, just tell him “I couldn’t find what I was looking for” and then change the subject and ask him what he’s been up to.
When he tells you his plans to go hang out with the boys, smile brightly and say, “That sounds like fun”. Then make sure you’re up before him that morning and fully dressed and done up. When he asks what plans you have, don’t look at him, look busy, focus on something else and simply tell him you have errands to run and walk away. If he asks what time you’re coming home, ask him what time he’ll be home and simply reply “I’ll be home around then too”. Then get home after the time he arrives.
Get the idea? You aren’t asking for him to pay attention to you, but I guarantee with enough mystery building he will begin to pay attention. Don’t ask him ahead of time what his plans are for the weekend. Stop waiting for him to make time for you. Start doing things on your own and with friends, but be sure you are looking your best when you do. When he begins to inquire of your whereabouts and plans, be vague. Wait for him to ask you to spend time with him. I guarantee if you schedule your own time away from him and you don’t let him know what you are doing he will be motivated to pay attention to you.
I dated a guy for a couple of years and it always felt like I was waiting for him to spend time with me. No matter what I said, he always had an excuse. This only resulted in me becoming anxious and tired. I decided to employ the strategy outlined above. I’ll never forget the day it turned around. He was used to going out alone on Friday and I usually sat at home and caught up on work and chores. Well this one Friday I came home from work, immediately got in the shower and dressed in my own “going out” garb. He came home to freshen up before his night out and found his way into the bathroom as I was putting on my jewelry. He expected to find me cleaning. He shockingly asked “Where the hell are you going”? I calmly replied, “out” and quickly kissed him on the cheek departing as fast as I could. As I was walking out the door, I saw his reflection in the mirror. He was dumbfounded and just stood there watching me leave. I stayed out extra late that night and went to breakfast with my friends, arriving at home around 4am. He was full of questions about where I was, who I was with and why I was out so late. My only reply was that I must have lost track of time, at which point I quickly undressed and went to sleep.
After three weekends of repeating the same ritual, he asked if I wanted to go to a nice restaurant on the upcoming Friday. I told him I’d have to change some plans but that I would love to. From that time on, he was more conscious of paying attention to me. Mind you, I never stopped doing little things like that. Our relationship ended within three months when he asked me to marry him and I was unwilling to make that kind of commitment to him.
Men are very territorial. They like to be in control. They don’t like to be told what to do. They want to feel free to do as they please. The only way to get them to pay attention to you as they did when they were dating you is to create mystery. Creating mystery creates desire and room for pursuit. Motivation is created when you don’t have that thing you want. Sometimes it’s simply removing a comfort zone within an existing relationship that will get your man to notice. If he feels he is losing something he considers his territory, (You) he will focus attention and energy on protecting and defending his relationship with you.
Becoming self sustaining and independent requires a different thought process. It’s not hard to change you’re current thought stream. If you want different results, you must employ different actions. Remain feminine and loving. The key to creating mystery is in retaining information. That means you aren’t always available to text him back immediately or pick up his calls immediately. Sometimes making him wait and becoming less predictable is all it takes.
Reinvent yourself and you will be default reinvent your relationship!
Blessings ~
Bernadette Dickinson © 2009 all rights reserved
As we continue our journey of building self esteem and confidence we are taking action to build a strong foundation in our own life. In doing this, we will be able to share our life with someone special. We will attract a healthy partner who can love us and support us.
Before entering the dating scene you must know what you want in a partner. Write a list of the traits you want in your partner. Be clear, specific and honest. Your list may look like this:
Emotionally available, honest, communicative, single, straight, financially stable, open, affectionate, spiritual, funny, laid back.
You can also add physical characteristics to the list such as, athletic, light hair, light eyes, and so on.
If you’re already in a relationship and your partner is not as attentive as you would like or seems to have lost interest you can turn it around by exuding self confidence. No matter single or committed you have control in whether you are attractive to others or not.
Attracting others versus repelling them can be likened to a dog. For 10 years I owned a beautiful Siberian Husky named Shasta. Shasta was like all Huskies, she liked to roam free. If you chased her, she would run away. If you ignored her and walked away, she would follow. The easiest way to catch her was to get into the car and begin driving away from her. She quickly pursued the car and would instantly jump in if she thought she was going to be left. If you followed her around, called her name, she would be the one pursued.
When you meet someone of interest, make eye contact, smile and go about your business. Pay no attention to that person as you continue doing what you were doing before you noticed them. If they come near you, say something brief like “hello” and continue again with what you were doing. Don’t follow them, it will make them uncomfortable.
If you meet them online, it’s the same theory. Say you notice someone attractive on a dating site and you want to make contact. Send a brief introduction email saying “hello, you seem interesting”. Then leave it alone, don’t email again. When the person responds, again keep it short, don’t give too much info away.
When you go out on a date for the first time, keep the conversation pointed toward the other person. Ask questions about their interests, background and hobbies. Find out how they spend their free time. Find out how much time they spend focused on work, family, health and friends. You want to see if this person is balanced. You want to ask questions to identify if they are stable and grounded. Do they go out to the local bar frequently? Are their friends regular bar patrons? Are they sports fans? Are they politically motivated? Do they practice a certain religion? All things you can find out on a first date. When they ask you the same questions, answer briefly not giving much information or details. The point is to remain somewhat mysterious. It’s best to give a brief answer and immediately ask them another question. This creates a little tension of curiosity.
As I mentioned in the first part of this series, I categorize men into four categories; Friend, Booty Call, Long Term Guy or Loser – Run away fast.
Here’s how I decide:
Friend – nice guy, very interesting, good communication, common interests, no chemistry or attraction, doesn’t fit into my family or life in an integrated way.
Booty Call – attractive, fun, not much in common, emotionally unavailable, immature, can’t be integrated fully into my life.
Long Term Guy – meets my list of characteristics, traits and needs, is able to commit and be intimate, and most importantly shares the same values, communication style and is healthy. He can easily integrate into my life fully with family, friends, work and spiritual beliefs.
Loser – Run away fast – is a player, can’t commit, can’t communicate, is sarcastic and jaded, needy, dependant, superficial, dishonest, unbalanced, angry and has huge issues from the past that remain unresolved, and/or lives at home still with his parents.
When a date ends, and you’ve decided you’re interested in the person, it’s ok to flirtatious but remain conservative in regards to saying goodbye. Don’t offer a kiss, offer a hug and let them know you had a good time, thank them and say goodbye. Don’t ask if they will call. If they offer to do it again soon, say something like, “that sounds fine” and make your exit.
When you control the end of the date, keeping it reasonable in time but not so long you are lingering, the other person will have desire to contact you fairly quickly. If you say too much, act too willing to give compliments, the energy changes and you send a repelling energy. The same technique should be employed on the phone, email or chat. The more you exude an independent and confident life, the more someone will want to spend time getting to know you. Many people make the mistake of minimizing their lives and want to communicate their availability. This only creates a pressure.
We’ve all known people who have many offers to date, go to parties, and attend events. They are always on the go with plans. It’s more attractive to win over the person who is self sufficient and happy then to settle down with the person who is needy and always willing to give.
I talk to people everyday that have built their lives on pleasing others. They have lost sight of what they want and are consumed with doing for others. In the process, the ones they serve hardly appreciate their tireless efforts. In the end they end up tired, alone and confused. It’s perfectly fine to give, but when it is out of balance with receiving you can only end up resentful and feeling lonely.
In the next article we will continue the keys to creating a lasting attraction and keeping the flames alive in a relationship.
Blessings,
Bernadette
© 2009 all rights reserved
Many women and men ask me how to attract the opposite sex. While I may not have scientific data to back up my opinions, I have a long track record of attracting attention from the opposite sex. Whether single or married, if you want to increase your attraction factor then read on.
All through my twenties and thirties I had men who would attempt to get me to go on a date. When that didn't work, they would begin posing as a "friend" in hopes of gaining my trust enough to date them. Mind you, I dated a few losers during that time period. So Mr. Friend would fill in when I didn't have a date, needed help with weekend chores or needed a shoulder to cry on. Sound familiar men? Do you or someone you know try to be the "friend" in hopes the woman will see what a great "catch" you are? Keep reading and you will see how that can work against you in most cases if you want romance from the woman. (I said "most" not "all")
Ladies, do you have men lined up that you can choose from or do you set your sights on one man and focus solely on winning him? Have you met a great guy, gone out and had a great time only to have him disappear with no explanation? Are you in a relationship and your man is just not that attentive or interested anymore? Then read on and learn how to become a magnet of attraction.
I can hear your defenses already. But Bernadette your pretty, petite and blah blah blah..... Honestly, physical beauty has little to do with creating attraction and magnetizing a relationship. I have had girlfriends and guy friends who have put a few principles into play and gotten the same results as I have.
The number one factor in being attractive is Self Esteem and Confidence. You have to KNOW who you are and what you want. The most charismatic people are those that project an energy of self sufficiency and self worth. Although cliche', you must love yourself first in order for others to love you. It doesn't matter what your family, social or physical background is, you can and should believe in yourself.
As I began working on myself at the age of eighteen I started writing in a journal. I wrote all the talents, skills and things I recognized as strengths about myself. I also took note of my limiting beliefs, things I saw as weaknesses and set out to change them. I chose to not pay attention to what others thought about me and I gave up on getting anyone's approval. Once it didn't matter how people viewed me, I was able to be authentic and confident. My self esteem soared. I was able to look people in the eye that I didn't know. I was able to have fun whether I was alone or in a big crowd of people. Mind you, I was pretty shy growing up and I lived more in books then the real world. Focusing on being happy, growing spiritually and reaching my goals became my primary focus and the platform for confidence and self esteem.
I noticed a strange phenomenon as I started dating. The more I cared if a certain guy was noticing me, the more I repelled him. The more I ignored him and payed attention to others, the more he pursued me. Then once sure I had his attention, I would solely focus on him. Then "poof" he was gone. Sound familiar?
After some trial and error I discovered I had to qualify these guys and classify them, "Friend", "Booty Call", "Long Term Guy" or "Loser - Run Away Fast". I also discovered the more I wanted a guy to fit into the "Long Term Guy" category the quicker I lost myself and my self esteem.
Once I just went out to have fun, experience life and meet new people, I had men lined up waiting for a turn to take me out. I was so "in demand" I had to schedule dates within hours of each other. During the first few dates with a man, I would say very little about myself, and let them talk. I would not answer personal questions about what I was looking for other then to say, "fun, honesty and interesting conversation". Once a man was pursuing more consistently I would let him know I was deciding what category he fit into. I never became a man's "booty call", however if he wanted to be mine while I continued my search for a relationship, he had to follow my rules. I also made it clear that I don't get intimate with "friends". So the man knew I was sizing him up, not the other way around.
The amazing part of being determined to get what you want, you won't settle for whatever is offered. As you take this stance, your self esteem soars and others can sense it. People are attracted to strength not neediness. The more self sufficient you are, the more independent. People are looking for someone to love that can love them and share their lives with. When someone senses an energy of need in you, it repels them. This is true even in a committed relationship.
Women, if a man senses the stack of "Modern Bride" hiding under your bed, he will run and run fast. Men, if a woman senses the distinct fear of being alone in you, she will run. Both exude an energy of desperation and need.
In the next article I will give you guidelines to follow in identifying and categorizing potential romantic interests. After that, we will explore the keys to keeping the flame lit on committed partnerships and saving a lifeless partnership.
For today, write a list of all your strengths. Include your talents, skills, character and personality traits. Then write a separate list of weaknesses that you want to transform into strengths and begin working on changing. The more you know yourself, the more confident and attractive you will be.
Stay tuned!!
Blessings,
Bernadette Dickinson
(c)2009 All rights reserved
When an old house begins to slide off the foundation, electric wiring becomes frayed and plumbing unable to be replaced, it is better to demolish the house then to continue making endless repairs. Once the old house is demolished, a new foundation is laid and brick by brick a new house is built. The completed house functions far better and will last longer then the old house as repairs would eventually serve no purpose. The cost of replacing fixtures, appliances and internal systems would eventually outweigh the cost of building a new house.
When life suddenly begins to change it can create anxiety and fear. For many, changes like residential moves, loss or change of job and ending relationships sends ripples of fear throughout ones mind. For some, change is viewed as failure. For others change is viewed as catastrophic. In reality, change is positive and a sign of life evolving.
When changes begin to present themselves in our lives, we have a choice to respond openly and flexibly, or rigidly and resistant. If we are open and flexible, we remain in the flow of life and we are able to create powerful experiences based on joy and love. If we are resistant to change, the flow continues but we experience things as being ripped away from us. The more we attempt to hold onto things that are passing out of our lives, the more we are resisting the evolving of our own lives and souls. As things leave our lives, they are replaced with new experiences.
As we see social structures, economic structures and political structures that no longer serve the greater good change, we must remember to embrace the change and expect something better to replace the old outdated structures. Change can appear chaotic as old structures and relationships dissolve. The wisdom of the universe is not chaos but love and stability. It is our own perception that creates the chaos.
So many times I work with people who are holding onto relationships that are no longer serving their highest good. Even if the relationship is lacking trust, communication, fidelity and love, sometimes we resist the ending for fear nothing new will replace it.
When one partner wants to leave and the other holds on it creates tension and resentment. The relationship will still end even if you hold on, but when it does the partner who was left will feel abandoned and may even continue hoping for a return. In situations like this, it is good to compare it to the house metaphor. The old house no longer was safe to live in and so a new one is built. The end result is a beautiful, safe place to live, a home that provides shelter, warmth and new experiences. Although the old house gave its residents memories and experiences that can never be replaced, it makes no sense to hold onto it when the repairs are more costly then building new.
Nothing in life can remain static. Nature has cycles. Life has cycles. From birth to death we change, grow and evolve. From year to year we learn new things, master new skills and change our beliefs. Who you are today is not who you were ten years ago. If you are faced with changes that have you anxious, remember all the things you’ve allowed to change in the past and the results of those changes.
If we resisted changing classrooms as we progressed through elementary school we would not have learned anything. Our bodies would grow, but our minds would remain stationary. It makes no sense to repeat Kindergarten over and over once we have mastered our ABCs. As we learn the lessons in grade school, we progress to Junior High and onto completion of High School where we graduate. With each grade we expand, we progress and we change. We master new skills, new understandings developing our social and emotional natures.
Life is evolving and so are you. Embrace change and allow life to become a joyful experience. If you are stuck and need help shifting out of fear, CALL ME, allow me to help you see the brighter side of the changes being presented.
Blessings ~ Bernadette ©2009
I attended a funeral yesterday and was struck by the words spoken about this very special man who passed away. Several people shared stories about his natural ability to do things for others to insure their happiness.
The most touching words were spoken by his son who said his Father learned new things in order to have the ability to share in the passions his son was pursuing. Although at first the Father was hoping for a different pursuit of passion for the son, he chose to indulge not only the Son's passion but get involved in a way he could share in it.
I myself benefited from knowing him. He was very kind, generous and empathetic. Knowing him as a Police Officer, Neighbor, Father and Friend shed great light into the capacity of the human heart to be a loving being.
As I sat with the experience I couldn't help but ask myself "If I were to die today, what would my family and friends feel about my life and how it affected theirs".
How often do we pay attention to how we affect others, especially those closest to us? What imprint do you want to leave?
I can honestly say that I have much to learn and it will take a lot of practice to Become the person I envision as my most authentic self. Thank God I have today to choose to express Love in as many ways as presented.
How do you express YourSelf? Every moment we are alive we get to choose what we want to express. No matter how we feel in that moment we have the power to choose our reactions and how we show up in the world, in our relationships and with ourselves.
Even though others choose to behave in a hurtful way we can choose to remain loving, steadfast and at peace. We can choose to be as a lighthouse as others are tossed about in an ocean and storm of emotions, trying to find their way home to love. When we shine our light of love into the world, we not only feel empowered, we empower all those who see our light and are drawn to it. We can express ourselves in such a loving and compassionate way that the example we set creates a transformational energy that continues to grow into our world.
BLESSINGS,
Bernadette Dickinson (c)2009 All rights reserved
Serving Others Serves You
While praying and meditating last night I asked Spirit what I can do to lessen my worries about the economy, my clients, friends and family.
Suddenly my focus was shifted from myself and my own thoughts to what was happening in the room I was sitting in.
My youngest daughter was asleep on the couch with the Christmas tree lights blinking in the background and a fire glowing on her face.
As I noticed the peaceful look about her and took notice of the gentle glow on her cheeks I was overcome with a sense of love and gratefulness.
I began to recall several readings I had done for people the previous days. Answering questions about the holidays and finding employment.
As my focus shifted from myself to others, I began to hear Spirit speak of being in service to others. They explained that as we focus our love and energy outwards in the act of giving, we are naturally provided for. Our worry lessens and we begin to receive all good things. We are not to give to others in order to receive. We are to give in order to be a blessing. The natural return is one of grace, mercy and providence.
When we are able to shift our focus from ourselves to others and allow God to use us as a vehicle for Love to flow through, that Love automatically blesses us. We are left with a feeling of completeness, which fills all emptiness, depression and worry.
Remember, The Universe is BIG enough for all of us to have what we desire and need.
Blessings ~
Bernadette Dickinson (c)2008 All Rights Reserved
As we spoke on the radio show last week, we have a choice of how we perceive all the things that happen in our lives. So many times we look at obstacles and see only negative.
Source/God asks us to see that the things we view as obstacles are actually tools to expand who we are becoming. If you look at who you are today you will realize you are the sum total of all the experiences you've had until now. You are continuing to expand in desire and awareness.
With every challenge we experience, we send out a new desire. With each desire we actively co-create a solution to meet that desire. As we ask for more we are given more.
When we perceive the subtleties of experience in our daily lives we realize that each one brings us closer to manifesting a new expanded version of ourselves. Enjoy all of life's experience and begin to perceive each and every experience as a tool for growth and fulfillment.
BLESSINGS, Bernadette Dickinson (c)2008 All Rights Reserved
He said/she said, I hear it all the time when coaching individuals. Based on what someone said or did you instantly react and defend. It happens often that when in a relationship that our partner says or does something that hurts us. Instantly we react defensively or hurt and then we sulk. At times it is something our boss says, in-laws say and even our ex-partner.
On the quest to gain peace, joy and understanding it is imperative that we see where we are getting in our own way. It is not possible for someone to hurt our feelings without consent from oneself. The responsibility does not lie with the other person. When we react defensively, the person attacking you verbally and emotionally is simply mirroring some belief inside you that is causing conflict.
How many times do we react with anger to someone judging us and saying spiteful things to us. If these things are not true, why then does it cause us such pain?
You can only remain at peace when your beliefs are not in conflict. If someone tells you what a terrible person you are, and you know that is not true, you will have no reaction. If however you do react, it is your own self sabotaging beliefs that make you feel hurt and angry.
"But wait Bernadette, my boss and coworkers have criticized me so much that I feel worthless". I say to you, if you have a belief that you are worthless then you will react to it. At this point you have a choice to accept the unfair judgment and defend yourself against it, or you can choose to not accept it and give it no validation or energy. If the unfair criticism continues, perhaps it is time to find a new job and no longer engage in the dialogue. But here is the catch, when and if you quit your job, do so without resentment. Detaching without resentment means that you accept that it is not in your highest good to invest yourself in this environment and you move on. Moving on means that you forgive all misdeeds of others and misjudgments. It does not mean that you formulate a "story" that you tell over and over again, reflecting the injustice done to you. Doing so creates an acceptance that what they did and said was true and fair.
Let's say it is a partner who is verbally attacking you. Listen to what the partner is saying and ask yourself, what is this person mirroring to me. What belief inside me is this person triggering? What is this person afraid of? What am I afraid of? Once you have those answers, you can use the verbal exchange to further your own growth and react with love. This doesn't mean that you agree with them, it simply means that you don't agree and are willing to let them work through their misperceptions and anger.
Have you ever yelled at a dog for tearing up an item that belonged to you? Have you noticed while you are screaming, ranting and raving that the animal looks up at you as if you make absolutely no sense? Or the dog goes running from your highly reactive energy? That is because the dog was being a dog. He was being true to his own nature. It wasn't a personal attack on you, it was simply in his nature to chew. When you go ballistic and react, it doesn't change the dog's nature but it does create fear of you in the dog. If you didn't react at all and simply took responsibility for leaving the item in a place the dog could reach it, and threw an appropriate chew toy to the dog, he would instantly chase the new toy in a joyful manner. By not reacting, you maintain your own sense of peace and maintain the loving connection between you and the dog. Is it any different with children, partners, coworkers and family?
When someone close to you begins spewing judgment onto you, don't react. Instead, ask what you are to learn from this experience. Ask where you have beliefs that are disrupting your internal peace. Ask what you are afraid of. Ask what this person is afraid of. Then react with loving, compassion for yourself and the other person. In accepting responsibility that everything that happens is for your growth and highest good, you will begin to have a life built on a solid foundation. You will not be tossed by every wave of emotion that comes at you.
It doesn't matter what happens, if it creates a reaction within you that is anything but love and peace, that thing is asking you to look within to find your flawed belief. That can mean you don't really believe you are worthy, secure, loving or compassionate. Whatever it is, look at it, embrace it and allow it to shed wisdom on the beliefs robbing you of your own peace.
Meeting anger with anger only fuels more anger. Meeting anger with love, dissipates the fears that fueled the anger so that it can return to the energy it started from which is love. All things are created from love and all things will return to love when left alone.
Bernadette Dickinson (c) 2008