Carmen's Mirror

We are the creators of  new human energies that come into our lives. We attract our mates – they are not ‘sure fire’ outcomes, as if each person were allotted one mate each in life, but we can actually attract more than one relationship easily. There are certain outcomes we cannot alter, like where we were born, how many children we will have, what our health will be like, and where we will live. But we CAN change who we will meet!

We can choose to have the exact and identical lives with someone else. You can even make for a better life. You can do this, by letting go of manifesting what we think should happen, improving ourselves as people, thus attracting an even better image of ourselves. Manifestation may be easier if we manifest on the highest level possible: Love ( and not the desire to be loved ).

All energies are on a power stream that is similar, but there are many different levels, as many as there are people.  This could be explained through some form of physics or perhaps a type of telepathy, as if you were calling out to each other. It is my belief we can create situations to meet the right person, if we are open to what is right for us.

In other words, true manifestation is not about manifesting things, it’s about manifesting people into our lives through our own emotional mindset and direction. Manifesting people is about loving oneself enough to be open to many possibilities, not just one. Through people we manifest experiences, and through experiences we raise our positive energy so much, that we attract even better people that can align us with fantastic life experiences. .

By the time we’re thirty years of age many of us have suffered so many heartbreaks that many of us feel we’ve had enough to last us a lifetime. With this bitter entitlement we forge on as if we were to now be on a timer for meeting ‘the man who will commit to me’. I get questions like: “What will he/she look like?” when in fact you are materializing him right now! I don’t know what he will look like, because only his energy is forming, and that is based on the energy you are expressing right now. A mirror of you…
 
So we are always weaving a web of new friendships and relationships. Within this web, we traverse life wondering if there is a reward for all this work. The reward does not come from the web you weave, but how you see life despite how you have failed along the way. Comments to yourself like: “I always meet men who are emotionally distant” removes you further from the possibility of seeing another choice that may appear.

Think right now about where you are at in your life. Are you alone? In pain? Bored? Just wanting to date? Career oriented? Then you will attract a person *just like you*. Are you crabby? He will be too! Are you optimistic and content? So will he be….

Your breath is what creates your reality. Be accepting in every step that you take. Life is about the journey of meeting people who enrich our souls. It may take us away from what we thought are lives should be.  Choose, choose and move slowly through the people you encounter. You have plenty of time. The longer you wait the longer the time you have to soothe your soul that has endured pain along the way. You want to be available to someone…that means, approaching them without pain, hurt and anger in your spirit. If you do, you will probably approach a person who mirrors the pain you won’t let go of. You will recreate these people, like a little vortex of misfortune, and you may agonize as to  why you don’t meet better people.

How does one get out a pattern like this? By being compassionate to you, not expecting anything, not settling for less, and saying no to people who drag you down. In no time, you will be attracting much gentler and more loving souls into your life that will be respectful to you.

Don’t fear being alone so much that you choose the next person you will assuage your pain. More than likely, they are made of similar energy, and desperation does not make for security in relationships. By saying no, you will attract less and less of these people throughout your life.

Every breath you take, you are recreating your next adventure, your next lover, and your next soul mate. Be open to the future, let go of the past energy, by letting the older sadder stories go. Be open to the idea that you may meet someone later in your years or who is entirely different than you expected or not the person you expected them to be. You will be a different person in time, so the partner you will attract will not be the same as the one you have ( or are letting go of ) now.

In other words, true manifestation is not about manifesting things, it’s about manifesting great people into our lives!

Be open. Don’t plan. Don’t make wish lists. Just be a good person and treat people as you would be treated, have faith in others. You will attract another formative energy that is ready to be with you. And remember…there are as many options as you can create. Now  go out and meet them!

I recently had an experience where a difficult question with a client was quickly answered through the photograph I saw of them together. It somehow served me to open up my 'connection' more, and as a skilled people reader and empath, the information I saw just flooded me. Upon seeing his eyes, I realized that he would perpetually a little unclear and evasive, but that their relationship would continue.

For another client, I could with certainty discern he had no sensitivity and was a harder person, and would not come back.

* It is an amazing tool for me: being able to discern a complete yes or a no from his photograph for you!

Actually, this is a additional service I am offering, and it's so easy to download images. I also look forward to getting to 'see' and meet my clients! I usually don't mind working without any clues, but I feel if this could wrap a situation up quickly for you, it would be an excellent tool to use.

So PLEASE, any of you who are my existing clients, and those of you I have not yet encountered, if you feel comfortable, please email me the photos in form of an attachment when you want a reading. It's very easy attaching the picture through Keenmail, as if it were regular email.

I can also tell to a good extent how compatible you will be! So for you internet daters out there....just send 'em my way!

Carmen Miro 2009

Do you wonder why some psychics don’t tell the truth?  You ask time and time again why they lied to you.  You are angry about all the money you spent. But let me tell you about what  I have experienced with some clients. There is a trend to for a client to engage in in coercive tactics because the truth is too painful.  Some clients become downright angry and try and coerce/or negotiate an outcome with their counselor to change the reading for them.  One client questioned me as to why I was being truthful to her. Her comment was: “ I pay you to lie to me.”

I have done some research on this issue and I wish to point out that many of my clients are very grateful when I have attempted to relate to them the messages that I receive through that tarot cards.  As a channel, I also do not get Yes or No answers, I get the facts as to how the truth is presenting itself right now. You may not agree with it and you may not have anticipated it, but his method is very accurate as you cannot change the order in which the cards fall, thus the messages I relay.  I tune into their emotional mindset, but predictions are more popular.

Carmen: I do not make long term predictions.

Client: Oh, come on, I wont hold you to it, I just want your opinion.

And the client becomes angry, and holds you responsible. It is very painful to be told ones work is less than standard despite your having called your reader many times. It is hurtful to be cut down. But I see this happening to many advisers, all over the internet.

In a way, I wish for some changes in how Intuitives are treated. I would like to be respected for attempting to relay to you something painful about a sad situation. Some situations do work out, but everything changes. So many people will not accept life in this manner.

What is difficult as when a client out of desperation starts accusing you of being negative only because your  ethics will not allow you to spin a make-believe story. I then get clients trying to point out anything that they view as a contradiction, twisting the way a reader relates the story to them.

Client: “You told me, he was going to call:” When I clearly remember that I didn’t, the client is attempt to get the reader to backtrack on their reading, to again, alter the outcome so that they can feel better.

I will get comments such as: “ I am confused” or” This does not make sense” or” 50 other psychics have told me that he will come back”.
When the client is irate, I know I have hit a nerve, because they know I am right.

When the client tries to get the reader to change the outcome,  it throws your reader off balance and makes them doubt their own readings, and it takes a special personality to not doubt the your own readings.  As an Empath  especially I become very disturbed when someone is projecting anger at me . What I find interesting is that some of these clients call me again and again as if they hope that one day I will stretch the truth and give them the good news.  I know that clients put their hearts and hopes in our hands, but remember, you wanted an opinion, you didn’t want to force someone to change your life for you.

Remember this: Life is difficult. It only becomes easier when we stop resisting that which hurts us. When we learn to understand why we do the things we do, that we continue to let good experiences in.  Maybe when we want to see new beginnings we can allow beautiful new things to enter our lives.

Remember the questions you ask are as important as the answers you get. If you keep asking about how he feels, in my good conscience I cannot enable you and continue to tell you that he is coming back because other psychics have said so or because it makes you feel better. .Ethically and morally, I simply cannot let a lie slip from my lips.  Please try  not to ask for a refund on life.

I do know how it feels.  I read cards for myself and I understand the disappointment you feel at getting bad news. I also remember the times when I called readers and how disappointed I felt being told he was coming back I knew he was not coming back. I remember feeling dislike towards the reader who I disagreed with, thinking the reader was judging me, and didn't know better. Rarely though, were those readers wrong.. And I also remember the release that hearing that one day all this waiting would be over and that indeed he had moved on.  I blessed the psychic and let her go and did not blame anyone for my path in life, and stopped asking for what I thought I wanted. Now I let life happen, but I still get readings to check now and again on how my progress is, but not on an endless question, to which the answer is...No.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2009

Here is a clip from another psychic’s blog, who illustrates our conundrum easily:

http://jim1537.com/blog/psychic-addiction-%E2%80%93-the-reality-and-the-fallout/

When someone is psychically addicted though, and doesn’t want to be helped, they usually call me just once for a few minutes, don’t like what I have to say to them and never call me again.  As I don’t feed the addiction, which angers them, they immediately find another reader amongst the plethora of psychics out there who will do whatever it takes to “keep the meter running.”

I often say to these clients, “If you’ve heard the same answer from 50 other readers, why are you wanting to me to simply feed back to you what they’ve already said to you?  That won’t really help you.  If the other readers are so right, why are you calling me?”  Because it’s like a drug addiction – if you were recently just high, it wears off, and you need another fix.  It is the same thing with psychic addiction – a client craves to hear the same information: “He’s gonna call.  He’s not having sex with her.  She’s just a friend.  He’s a really great guy who’s just been hurt before.  Of course he loves you even though he isn’t calling you.  He’s the one.”

  The addicted client needs to hear it again and again, as the reading becomes the fix and the validation of what they demand to hear.

Right there, something is obviously wrong.  While I understand that these are people in real pain, it is not healthy financially, emotionally or spiritually for a client to give that type of power away to any psychic and a reading.  An honest session should never be based on what other readers have said.  Stating that 50 other readers say it’s so is designed to manipulate, twisting the arm of a reader to feed the addiction.

Any reader that doesn’t validate the fantasy, denial and addiction of the client is labeled as DOOM AND GLOOM – AND NEGATIVE!  That label has been thrust on me many times for not buying into client’s addictive fantasies. With that stigmatization, any positive benefits that could help the client heal and take control of their lives are lost.

Some clients can’t grasp how some readers see things differently, as if 50 readers saying the same thing must make it true.  Hearing that many psychics say the same thing has the effect of adding credibility to the fantasy and denial.  I try to explain to them that readings are not a majority rules type of situation, and in any profession, different professionals disagree. One reader can get it right, while 50 other readers may get it wrong.

What’s terrible, though, and unfortunately real, are psychics who scam vulnerable clients who are in psychic addiction.  If the readings themselves don’t bring the desired results the client craves, the next step is often buying spells, paid candle burnings, and hexes to achieve the desired results. 

There are many scenarios that can cause a person to not let go of a relationship that has ended. One reason could be that he is not able to let go of you as you both miss each other empathically. The second possibility is that certain psychological reasons may prevent you from letting go. Sometimes it's a combination of the two.

I am often asked why one cannot let go of the person one loves so much. Is it because one simply loves them too much because one has been so hurt, or is it because the other also thinking of them? I have seen this time and time again via patterns in my clients’ relationships. What I see are the clients are unable to let go of their partners often have a relationship that was mutually unrequited. This means that both partners have developed a mutually exclusive empathic bond that both perceive as some kind of obsession, but that is actually empathy at work.

There are many reasons for obsessive tendencies. For example sometimes it’s because one is under too much stress or have not received the love and reassurance in one’s life to make for successful relationships. One blames oneself repeatedly for the loss and one cannot let go.

What I  have experienced is that when you feel your loved ones presence around you that this person is empathic connected and thinking about you at that very moment. Sometimes these shared feelings can prevent you both from letting go. That person may not be able to move on for different reasons. Sometimes it’s a lack of resolution and the loss of someone you love. Often times it is empathic.

 It is a maddening experience because you will be in his heart forever. It does not mean that he will reunite with you though. You will always have this connection, proof you are open to sharing emotionally with others thus regaining or creating an even stronger connection with someone else.

Much of true empathy is the willingness to put others ahead of oneself. But it does not mean that this can be fully developed as some people have more rigid boundaries and will not put themselves in detriment for the sake of another person. There are many personality types with a myriad of psychological reasons why some are more empathic with others. Bonds though seem to universal, whether you are psychic or not.

But eventually the feeling will lessen and you’ll notice that the connection becomes weaker. This could be you letting go but it can also be the fact that you have both unconsciously decided to let go of each other. In actual fact you both feel the connection is broken that may both will feel a feeling of peace. This often means you have forgiven each other. Forgiveness does play a big part.

How long does this last you ask?
It depends on the initial strength of your bond. In another article I will detail how to measure this bond and how to cope with the idea that this person is bound to you for the rest of each others lives. If you have had a close relationship, that can be comfort, as the person still cares about you. This is no matter of having letting go or not.

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 When consulting with psychics, one has to remember due to what they have opened themselves up to energetically, that many have quite an emotional intensity.This could also mean, that they may view your situation from a particular angle, sometimes quite different from your own!

Over time, all of us develop a need to protect ourselves, by forming an opinion. An opinion is like a boundary; it shows other people what morals we have, and also what we will allow others to do to us. This makes everyone predisposed to having a bias.

A bias can also be temporary, maybe due to the way the reader is tuning into the situation. If they are reading the other party, they can assume the other party’s opinion because they are sensing it from them. In other words, a bias can also be based on what
you feel when you are asking a question in a reading. If you are approaching this negatively, chances are, I will see all you fears, and that may color the reading, casting a shadow over a otherwise okay situation.

I have noticed that a bias may show up like this:

Client: Please tell me about this man

 Reader: This male is having an affair on you.

This is a possible scenario, but it is what the Reader ‘sees’ because they are fixated on this issue themselves!              

This is not to say all Readers who talk about a man who cheats have been cheated upon, but for example, obviously some have not been cheated on, so they  tend to not assume that in their readings on others. The Reader then may indeed start focusing on the aspect that the male is for example thinking about cheating, but may not follow through with it.

Don’t allow this to deter you though. Many readers develop a bias, even if they have not
had an opinion on your relationship before. This may be because they begin to care about
you, and a genuine bond is being established. This in my opinion is where the client gets
the most benefit, allowing themselves to trust the Reader.

 Personally though,  I would be careful about putting all my trust into a ( stranger ) Reader. Often times, we are only here as a guide to you, confirming what you already know. There is a difference in being pushy and just having an opinion. In the long run, don’t worry about being judged….the Reader doesn’t really know YOU and has not walked in your shoes. It’s your opinion that counts, it's YOUR life.

 

Carmen Miro 2009

I have noticed that when a client calls me in an agitated state, their questions and fears will dominate the reading. In fact I will actually pick up on the questions you are about to ask! This is not the same as ‘a bad energy’ but simply my picking up on your frantic/frustrated or anxious feelings during a reading.

So please be aware of this when you call, and please calm and steady yourself for the reading.

I pick up on someone else’s empathic imprint but to some extent it is based on your mutual connection, I need you to be calm and centered. If you are angry with your partner, I will not be able to pick up all of  the gentler and more caring connection to your partner. It is my opinion that your partner’s readability of thoughts can sometimes be subtly influenced ( improved ) by our letting go of angry energy. This is in part due to you blocking them due to anger, and in part, because this person is picking this up unconsciously, and blocking you! ( and me, which means my reading is not going to be as positive ). The person will be easier for me to analyze if you contain your pain, and ground it for now.

Another approach I use to get around this, is to gently remind the client I can see their questions coming up in the reading. If the client is thinking 'ahead of me', assuming the worst, and panicking, I may confused their thoughts with the outcome. I can see when this is happening, as we are dialoguing, but it takes me longer to read this way.

 During an emotional reaction by a client it is required of me to sometimes center myself and will ground both myself and the client through my centering. I can do this for myself and the client. I have had experiences though, where the client is so frustrated, that I have
left the reading exhausted and feeling like I have not helped the client, as they have not allowed me 'in' to my full potential, as I am spending more time helping the client in crisis than look into their partner. This is fine for some callers, but I know many of you want answers, and not crisis counseling.

You would be surprised to know this is probably a very good reason why I only pick up on the present in certain readings!

I will literally see in the Tarot what you want to ask. That is probably not very useful to either of us, so please just suspend your disbelief. Some clients forget that I am not their ex lover/partner, and directly transfer a poor quality of energy back onto me, perhaps affecting the way I perceive this reading.

I still will be able to sense the outcome of your reading, and be able to read his thoughts, but you will affect the Tarot aspects of the reading and it could take considerably longer, though I read fairly fast. I appreciate your consideration in this matter :)

Thank You!

 

Copyright Carmen Miro 2009

The difference between Short Term Predictions and the Long Term Outcome is not an easy concept. I will try and illustrate my point so that you have a better understanding of how my readings work.

For one, I have never been a firm believer in predictions, except maybe the Final Outcome. . This is despite a lifetime of precognitive dreams and feelings. This is due to my belief system.
Firstly, I hold steadfastly to the belief that there are some things we can create, some things we can change. But we do not know which things will actually allow themselves to be manifested and those which don’t.

This poses an interesting problem: If we are in the process of creating something, is one able to determine the outcome?

For  predictive readings I use the Tarot. This is to give me a ‘birds eye view’ of the events.

There are three types of  time event distinctions in my readings:

The Short Term/The Present
The Indeterminate/Undetermined
The Eventual Outcome

The Short Term/The Present:
I have noticed in my readings that I get an unusual amount of detail about the present. This is a combination of your thoughts, your questions and your answer.

I can tell which cards are your thoughts from the intuitive impressions ( empathy ) I feel the person you are asking about.. For the short term I get empathic impressions which are applicable to your situation. I also feel intentions. I usually pick up a more ‘realistic’ point of view, such as their fears and inhibitions. This is already happening, and one cannot change it. The time frame is immediately up till the next ‘to be manifested event’. The event may not exist yet!  This is brewing up your Indeterminate Outcome…

The Indeterminate:
This is the time frame I sometimes have difficulty predicting. This is in part due to the the overwhelming detail I get in the present, and. I would have to read for a long time, to get through a situation, one day at a time. In the meantime, you are still going to change some aspects in your life. You at this point have some control as to how you handle the ‘intermediate’ or ‘inbetween’ time frame. This is probably more than a few days ahead, and may go into months. It is my experience though that I cannot yet see somethings, but much of will happen has not been manifested by you, so I cannot see it! You are still processing the present, which then determines your intermediary outcome. Isn’t that great news?

The Eventual Outcome:
This is a fixed result. Please note it is a RESULT and not an event. This means that there are some events leading up to this outcome that you can still alter. You have to accept the ultimate outcome as is, and the path there will be easier for you.

I have not ruled out being able to change eventual outcomes. This is a very intense topic that still needs much debate. I would have to say, that I have the most knowledge in the present. And the Present is the Place from which can alter our intermediary path, and that is a secure place to be.

. We cannot change the present, as we are already engaged. We CAN change the Undetermined Future, by MANIFESTING our goals. They have to be reasonable and attainable to some extent. This is about ‘tweaking’ a situation. You can change your path towards the Eventual Outcome.

Why is the Eventual Outcome Predetermined? I think it’s because you are able to construct short term manifestations to improve the way you experience the outcome. If you choose to be passive, you will just follow along the way the Eventual Outcome which has been determined.. But what if you could make the circumstances around the Eventual Outcome more pleasant? Better?
With that knowledge, prepare to forge off into the Unknown and enjoy it! I believe we can accept endings better if we understand why we manifested.

Then is the Eventual Outcome Manifested?
It is my personal belief that there are some things still sacred, which belong to a place beyond our ego, our personal desires, that is a part of us, a place perhaps where God resides. This is tied into a ‘web’ of predetermined ‘results’ (  people’s lives ), which is why we have all been tossed into this world together.
Every person you meet, has something to offer you regarding your path to your outcome, or perhaps, they are on a similar path, and can offer you something. Some people are examples because we are meant to learn from them and avoid their mistakes. Many are here to inspire us.  This beautiful intricate web of spirits are all now learning the same lesson on this planet, and I do not believe it is all predetermined. If that were the case, I would be winning The Lottery! ;)

Copyright Carmen Miro 2009

I have noticed that couples tend to share emotions. This can make for dangerous chemistry in the air. I usually tell my clients after I have looked into their situation, that it is striking how much their they and their partner are sharing a particular emotion. I don't usually know who begins the first thought, but as an illustration, I will cite an example:

Laura feels good about the relationship today. John and her had a great visit yesterday, and her spirits are up, but she is not picking up on how John really feels. In her mind, as she is feeling happy, John is feeling the same way, and she spends a day or two enjoying the good feelings. Deep down though, she doesn't know if he is the person for her, and wonders if she should end something now while the going is good. She doesn't usually feel this way in relationships, but she brushes it off to the fact that she may be scared, or feeling nervous about an impending relationship.

In the meantime, John did have a great visit, but he is wary of deep involvement. He feels happy, but it makes him edgy or nervous. He thinks of his ex girlfriend, and how he needs to contact her to sort their relationship out. His true feelings come to the fore. This is because he has been hurt in relationships before, and doesn't process the emotion or rejection and break ups as easily as Laura does. So while Laura has been content, he has been quietly brooding.

Laura during this time, ignored every doubt she had. She picked them up, she asked herself the right questions, and she waited for his call.

John did try and call but didn't leave a message. He then emailed her telling her he was missing his ex girlfriend, and that this relationship had left him broken. He wished to call it off. He didn't want the intensity.

Was this coming out of the left field at Laura? Not really. She had ignored her doubts. She had the strongest sense this man was not the one she was looking for, but she went with her 'good vibes' and decided to ignore the doubts. I strongly believe it takes one event to ignite a relationships' weak points and bring out the true person in your partner. It doesn't matter who felt what first. That feeling was latent. It is deep inside them, and needed a relationship or incident with someone to come out.. In almost half the cases, the client is picking up on their own situation. You are empathic! You are picking up the right feelings!

Don't doubt your own fears...they may be your partners. Maybe there was something way off in the distance, you didn't want to listen to.I am helpful in that I can confirm these emotions. If you listen to your partners fears, you can make this better. You can either prevent getting hurt by being broken up with, or you can talk to your partner about their fears. It may not change them, but it will change the way you handled the situation, making you feel better and stronger if things do change.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008

Empaths can sometimes pick up too much emotion which may not even apply to themselves, and thus they can end up feeling like they are that emotion. Through compassion one can start to accept those emotions we absorb.

The most important lesson humans learn in life, is that of true compassion. This is something that is sometimes innate and natural for some souls, but often it is for most people a very difficult life lesson. It often is earned and learned through relationships, and sometimes through our losses and gains in our own lives.

If you are intrinsically a sensitive, you are probably quite aware of your own inadequacies. You may be a perfectionist, because you dislike hurting people as you can feel their hurt. Some people may avoid or sabotage relationships, preferring to be loners. Others may seek out relationships as a way to feel better. Yet the most important discipline in a sensitive lies in being compassionate with the self and with others.

Compassion for the self entails being able to look deep within, and to be able to accept one's shortcomings. Often the perfectionist looks at the bigger picture in sometimes a negative way by always comparing themselves to others and striving for more perfection. Other people may see life in black and white, as all or nothing, thus facing their fears daily if they do not feel they have met the needs of the people they love. Some people will become overtly strict or defensive with their partners, because they are too hard on themselves.

As you can see, compassion is truly about accepting the self. Only through accepting the Self as it is can we enjoy our lives. Through accepting our limitations and griefs, our lamentations and reservations, we can aspire to transcend our own walls. When we do this, a world opens up. A world where people are kind and sensitive like you and .in compassion for the self, we begin to see others in a beautiful new way, and true peace will exist for you.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008

Last night with this particular client, after three short calls I was able to tune into my clients boyfriend to the fullest extent. On the first call, I would have seen some shadows of his emotional self, and with this was able to see a portion of my client's partner's intentions. There was still a good part of him missing, and that part was, the long term feeling on what his views on long term commitments are, over a time frame, linking into a type of behavior cycle that would have shown me, whether he is dependably yours or not.

To me, this is not about 'spying' on your lover or partner, but learning to understand how your actions affect his behavior and your relationship, and what you can do to improve your communication, and your understanding of why he chooses to stay in this relationship with you..

The process in giving an empathic reading goes something like this for me:

I tune into a feeling in his core, and the part I find that day, is something I usually identify with in myself for that day. In essence I use empathy to identify something that needs discovery in myself through others. There is also the Theory of Mirror Neurons that plays into this, which is our natural, non-psychic ability to attune to a person's needs through our own anticipation or my mimicry of someone else's actions or needs. This neuroscientific discovery has been heralded as the important reason as to why we help or feel compassion to our fellow humans.

Yet still, this does not explain why I attune to just one of his thoughts out of the cascade of thoughts or emotions I also feel, and I choose to identify with this emotion of his. Some of this has to do with my state of mind, but it's like a key, unlocking further associations to his center or soul. This one feeling I identify with may trigger a flood of associations I will choose to follow to go into the depth of my reading.

At this point, it will feel like I am inside of this person's emotional body. It really feels like I am this person. It's like I am 'in that person's shoes'. I will feel his anger, his frustration, and then usually, his affection for you. Sometimes I have to navigate through all the 'muck' first, getting through the partner's insecurities and fears first, before I can give you all the good news about your relationship, as people tend to worry a lot, and these surface feelings are what I pick up first.

This may not be comfortable if I do not like the energy or quality of the person I am attuning to. There are times when it is difficult to read someone who is in a depression, or a person who is very angry.

Fortunately, when the call ends, I am able to sever the tie ( I am able to also sever the tie by just speaking with you directly, thus redirecting my energy onto something else ).

Through all the readings I have done, I have come to realize a lot of our clients shop from reader to reader get detailed answers to their questions. I would like to share with you, how I realized tonight how helpful it has been for me to know my clients over a longer period of time. This is because I am able to step into their partner's feelings, and also note the way his moods cycle over time. This gives me a much more valuable perspective than the one time call. Though with the one time call, with a name or no question, I can tell you a good deal about this man and about how he feels about you, but I do believe there is value in watching a person grow.

I would personally never base an important decision about something or someone I care for by a reader if I didn't know the reader well ( I would use my own gut feeling for that ) but to confirm my feelings, I would probably call a reader more than once, so that they can get to know my partner and like I do, learn to understand him, and what makes him the person he is.

Sometimes, it's about getting to know that person who hides behind that persona. Mystery is healthy in a relationship, it is a natural boundary. Yet when it is used to control, manipulate or hurt someone, it doesn't remain innocuous. I was very pleased I was able to help these clients over a period of time, as they had grown immensely with me, and we all got to know each other and their partners so much more, thus making a decision in sound mind and of good conscience.

We also realized, that their partner is much healthier than what was first assumed, that those first glimpses I had, were only snapshots of a bad day he was having, but that over time, he was still loyal, and loved her. That is the real value in a relationship, and I would rather assure you even better insight over the long haul, that in simply one quickie reading! Fortunately, I read rather fast, you wont have to spend a lot of money to get an idea.

***I would suggest phoning when you are both having a good day, then calling me again when he has withdrawn, and calling me again when you are both having a normal day, but when he may seem depressed. That may be enough for me to work with to give you an accurate 90% read on what he feels, compared to a quicker one time reading, which may only catch tresses of his emotional selves, and pick up maybe 60% of him at first glance.

In Gratitude,

Carmen Miro Copyright 2008

Please remember how important it is, if you are a sensitive individual, to include meditation in your daily rituals. Often empathic imprints and your own thoughts or emotions are indistinguishable from each other if you are not centered. This centering can come throughout the day in the form of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is based on the Buddhist ideology of being present within oneself within the moment. This being 'present' can be self taught in many different ways. Throughout the day, be present in yourself whilst breathing. Be present in yourself whilst eating. Be present in yourself whilst being alone. Be present when overwhelmed by emotion. Remember that you are not your emotion, or that your emotions are having you, and that you are not the sum of your emotions. You are the sum of your mind. You can learn to control this through connecting to the part of yourself that is still.

In being still, we begin to learn that emotion is fleeting. We can learn to discern what is us, and which emotions try to overpower or overwhelm us. In this, we learn to regain power over ourselves. It's also very important to remember that your emotions are an important facet to our higher selves, and that we should honor them.

In order to facilitate healthy emotional mindfulness, you can decide to remember to be mindful. This in itself is a beginning to the process. Even small moments of mindfulness are working towards training your brain towards learning a new process. The process is going to be important towards discovering a new point of self talk. When you are feeling overwhelmed, now instead of allowing the emotions to take you over, you can remember that these emotions, whether from within you, or from without will pass.

Here are some important ideas when trying to stay mindful:

Try and schedule at the same time every day, this way you get into a routine.

Try and be mindful of your emotions, and breathe deeply.

Be mindful of your breath.

Be mindful of what you eat, savoring each bite.

You can be mindful anywhere, on the bus, driving, at work, when you have a moment to be calm, it doesn't have to be in a special place.

It's easier to be mindful in a comfortable position. This means you do not have to be mindful in an upright lotus position.

Remember, being mindful becomes easier as you go along. You don't have to be mindful for long. A moment at a time is okay. As time goes on, it will become longer, maybe a minute, then perhaps a few minutes. It's not very easy to still the brain, but it becomes easier just being aware of needing to be mindful. I promise you once you still your analytical brain you will be able to discover more about yourself and others!

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008

How does one get someone to make up their mind? You are both in each other’s thoughts, or in a relationship but there is no start or end point…how does one begin to understand or nurture a relationship at the point of limbo?
This issue arises out of multiple situations…how do you ‘change’ a person’s mind about letting you go or remaining with you?

How does one let go, if the other person has not moved on their decision making? Or, how does one get someone to comprehend that you are interested in them if they are stuck in a negative world view of relationships?

First off, to a degree, sometimes you are already locked into a dynamic, and this is causing mutual angst, which then ‘blocks’ any advancement in the decision making process….the person is either flaking out, or not interested in giving up a point of power they have so carefully nurtured? What results is often a slag in the dynamic, or a climactic end point, which leave neither party with resolution…

Firstly, the person aware of this ‘block’ has to begin by erecting boundaries. This can be done in small ways, not always huge overtures or demands, but by subtle communication and exchange. I will cite an example:

One of my clients has been seeing a young woman for some time now. She has had a very difficult past, and this makes it tough for her to create healthy attachments. It also prevents her from being assertive, and occasionally she will ‘fall in’ with the wrong men, due to this issue. She then overcompensates with the one man who does nurture her, by being defensive to this person.

This client created a space for her to feel comfort and peace in, but due to her abusive background, she created more problems, and tends to push him further away. It’s been proven that people in abusive situations will look for similar situations in their future, to compensate, because that is all they have been used to. When confronted with a ‘real’ relationship, or scenario that could offer them a good future, they may balk at this point, because it feels alien to them to be in a good situation, possibly due to their fear of eventual abandonment, after all maybe one can expect a relationship with someone who is bad for you to fail, thus giving the person a different but more comfortable security base, even if it seems erroneous, and this allows them to feel in control by being in a relationship that may fail, as they know the outcome in their hearts.

What my client suffers with greatly, is the ability to tune out of her emotional needs. He feels her pain, and feels her needs. He used to assume responsibility for this person, even though there is not much he could do to really help her. He is ‘empathically bound’.

Some points must be reiterated:

 1)      Even if a person loves you, their love does not equal follow through – so feeling       their  love may be genuine, but you may not ‘see’it - and thus their lack of follow through may   result as problematic as you may want to ‘fix’ the person ( codependence ) or because one enjoys the feeling of knowing they love you.

  2)   ACCEPT that they may love you, and ACCEPT this may not change. This is extremely important as it will free you from the cycle of  thinking you can fix this. Sometimes, some people are in their situations, just because they need to learn something, and you cannot prevent that from occurring. You cannot speed it along or change their world view.

  3)    Start looking for patterns in the relationship to attain a point of reliability. Even negative behavior has discernable patterns.

 

Is the pattern abusive or loving? This needs to be ascertained.

Is this person deliberately keeping this vague, because they don’t know better, or is it in reaction to certain visits, certain points in time?

What is the predominant pattern? Is it one of need? Is it one of defensiveness? Is it abusive?

All these categories are very different and need to be parsed, or separated, to be fully understood. Also, if one can feel a person’s pain, what is your part in this?

Do you enjoy connecting with this person emotionally, even if it is painful?

What in you craves this attention?

Pay attention to these details, and you may get an answer, without the much needed acknowledgement or conversation, just through behavioral patterns.

Sometimes, there may not even be an answer, and we may have to submit to that, and then, accept, and let go….accepting to let go is the hardest part, but in learning patterns, one recognizes that changes in the future, depending on the person’s personality type and their life experiences, may be hard, and we can also anticipate what their next ‘action’ or ‘inaction’ may be.

Often the other person will even empathically ‘detect’ that you are letting them ‘go’ to do their own thing, and resistance lessens. Or they will not be able to continuously over commit and then pull back, to give you the sense of their loving you, because they know it wont affect you as much. Now wouldn’t that be an improvement?

I would also really recommend creating a list for yourself of patterns this person seems to have. For example:

Monday: Had a nice visit, and good follow up text messages
Tuesday: Had a depressing talk because the person is back tracking on their last visit, for fear of feeling vulnerable
Wednesday: Didn’t talk all day.
Thursday: Had a nice visit, followed up by reassurance….
Friday: Didn’t hear from the person
Etc.

So if you can glean patterns over a period of time, you will start understanding the person’s weak points. Do visits followed up with too much comfort push them away?

Should one erect boundaries and not text back as enthusiastically? Then should one place a ban on too many visits, so that this person doesn’t feel pushed or the need to control the situation?

What my client did was, make leaving him for her easier. They both were having a hard time letting go, but she wanted to break out of her relationship cycle, and make a new future for herself, not dependent upon men or relationships… He offered up some furniture to help her on her move and settling her into a new home, thus allowing her to have more of a sense of control, not interdependence.

He also very clearly stated his need for independence and letting go, and coupled with good deeds, she wont be as defensive.

 I still have some hope that they will now be able to continue being friends in the very least, by his ACCEPTING her as she is, not ACCEPTING that his is something he created ( guilt and denial ), and ACCEPTING she may not be able to move past her abuse issues and finally ACCEPTING it as over even just for now.

 Just even the grand energetic expression of ACCEPTANCE will be felt by the other party, allowing for a calmer free flow of energy, which creates forgiveness, understanding, mutual expression, and hopefully, a new start for both of you, with or without each other.

 One cannot force a decision out of someone, but we can change the way we perceive their decision. If indeed we do care for this person we will be able to help them along their karmic path, which is a true expression of selfless love. This will create a life lasting bond, as opposed to the constant need for approval or disapproval. This relationship will be based on real trust, as your partner will sense your confidence, and they will gain the idea that you have confidence in yourself and in them, which is tantamount to the highest form of respect you can show someone, especially yourself.

At this point, empathic bonds should start releasing…remember, they are never EVER completely severed with anyone, but you can choose as to whether to listen to them or not. That will come with confidence and self esteem created through self control and boundary building.

 

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008

Question: If we are interested in each other, why doesn't it move ahead, and why can't I let go?

One of the major factors I have found in letting go of that back and forth empathic energy, that can lead to major obsessive traits in relationships, is being able to accept that the person is ‘into’ you. The major problem with obsessive empathic or no physical relationship, and a strong bond, is that usually both partners seem to have a self esteem issue, but they don’t tend to vocalize or act on the relationship, thus intensifying the relationship.

 I have found that there are ways around this. I have been discussing this intensively with my clients, and there is a common factor – that many times the person calling has the ‘doubt factor’ lodged in their consciousness. This comes across in statements such as

“Do you really think he likes me?” or “If he likes me so much, why doesn’t he make the move?”

 At this point it’s very important to turn the dial to your object of interest. His or her issue may be that they think the very same things you wonder about – that you may not be interested, and often this is due to their own self esteem issue.  So this is another example of ‘bounce-back’ or feelings being shared, and often, the other party picks up the same problem unconsciously about you, and wonders the same thing.

 This makes for a limbo that may be cyclical if you don’t change the pattern. The pattern can be changed in a couple of ways:

 1)Ask yourself: Are you a perfectionist? Do you idealize relationships, and if they don’t work out, do you start obsessing over how you could be the person who didn’t work hard enough to make it work, or start up?

 2)You must start working on the way you see yourself. Ask yourself, am I the insecure one?

 3)You must  start thinking about the other person’s feelings – ask yourself, is this person maybe also insecure? Don’t listen to what the person is saying or conveying - look at WHY they may be trying to convey and realize that they may also be insecure.

 Daily, remind yourself, even if you don’t feel that way, that you ARE beautiful, someone CAN love you, it’s just YOU who may not accept that. Often just accepting that your object of interest does love you, will mitigate or lessen the obsessive tendencies.

 If that is the case, then there is still hope for something to turn around. You can project emotion to that person that you ACCEPT that they adore you, but are too shy to do anything about it, and you should start to not take it as seriously – you haven’t done anything ‘wrong’. Take away the self blame.

 This will open up telepathic ‘ease of access’ which this person can start unconsciously picking up on. This will also help you in your ideas in self esteem. Look at this as an exercise in consciously seeing *yourself* in a better light, and you will understand, that you have manifested the mirror of how you see yourself in that other person.

 Once you have accepted that you are indeed beautiful, hot, amazing, titillating, intelligent and *worthy* you will gain more confidence to move this forward. Think about maybe dropping the shyness patterns between you to, and take a step forward  - call the person, move it forward, ask them out.

There would be a likelihood of two results: They may either stay stuck in their own self esteem issues and not respond, or more likely, they will respond back.:)

 If they do not respond, you will gain the freedom of knowing where you stand, thus taking away the insecurity that breeds obsession, and you will be freer to move on. You will also aquire more confidence by having 'dealt' with the problem at hand,  and not letting it control you anymore.

You at this point should be able to move on, knowing it’s not *you* the prevented this from evolving.

The other person will often sense your confidence, and may be able to act on their desires more – this is a byproduct of being able to raise your own self esteem.

 On the other hand, now you will have raised your manifestory energy to a level, with your new self esteem, so that you can attract a more confident mate, who will act on their feelings.

 This process can be applied to all relationships, and in grounding your energy with people, you will find they will be more open to relating to you, because they will sense that you are a person with good self esteem, something that is very attractive.

I find acceptance is the key to letting go of someone’s energy – accepting that they may never respond as a worse case scenario, accepting that they do like you – that they are probably mirroring your emotions – and you will also be able to accept yourself, thus letting go or moving into your new life more easily without the endless questions as to whether you caused or prevented this relationship from moving on, something that this person may have done with anyone besides you, because of their poor self esteem and inability to act on a relationship.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008

This is a story illustrating what the power of strong thought decisions can do for a relationship. Thank you dear Client, for your story…

 A client comes to me at the beginning of a passionate relationship. She had been through a bit of heartbreak to get to a point of balance her life , and she was reluctant to let a new relationship emerge, unless it was on her terms.

 Her object d’amour was crazy about her but there was one issue – he was still involved with his girlfriend. She was ambivalent about becoming his lover or girlfriend till she knew for sure what his intent was for his girlfriend. He had been involved with her for a while. I saw that he had a financial connection to this womanwhich - I felt he owed her something , and this was a major reason he felt indebted to her, and this kept him from feeling he could leave her.

Working  with Client X, we decided she should start seeing him, but with the idea in mind that if he didn’t end his relationship with his girl, that she would have to move on. My client was serious. She had reached a point of stability that she didn’t want to intentionally destroy, and moreover she didn’t want to cause the girlfriend grief. So we hatched a plan.

My client put up a series of boundaries to prevent him from rushing into their relationship too quickly. She also needed to ascertain when he was with ending the relationship with his friend. So we decided that she should proceed with caution, bearing in mind that he may be in a financial bind with his girlfriend, and we wanted to ascertain if this relationship would work for her in the short term, under her conditions. In my experience, curiosity doesn’t always kill the cat, it can make for well informed decisions, and some foresight.

It was getting intense between them, so she called and asked me what she should do. We both agreed the next meeting was the time to put up the final boundary – that he should cut his girlfriend loose, or lose her. She was cocked and ready….the meeting ensued….

The next call was celebratory.

“Guess what Carmen, you were right – he owed her money, and today he paid her back,
and broke it off with her!”

So that was a happy beginning. Her interesting question I want to address with you was this:

 “What Carmen do you think changed between our last meeting and this one, that made him make the exact decision that I was going to force him to make?”

 I thought about it, and realized YES! The Power of Empathy! This man was so closely linked to her, that he had sensed her decision, a strong emotionally based but serious decision that she was going to break it off with him, if he couldn’t make the decision to leave his girlfriend. Before she was able to utter those words, he told her he had made that choice.

 My theory on this matter is that she sent through an empathic impression strong enough for him to receive it and act on it in the correct timing. It’s not like he thought; “ I feel she is going to end it with me Thursday if I don’t end it with XXXXX. “

It was more his subsequent choice based on the strong and vindicated contagion of her thoughts about the girlfriend that was more unconsciously received, but he caught it anyway, and in time, ended the relationship.

This is a good example how your thoughts, good or bad, are not only yours. Your partner will pick them up.

Have you ever noticed, that you would have a plan with a friend and all of sudden you don’t feel like seeing them that night – only to find out later that they cancelled on you that day anyway?

  Either you thought

A) “ I am not in the mood for a meeting’ and she picked it up,

or she thought

B)  " I am not in the mood for a visit today’ and sent the message to you.

This is another example of empathic choice in action.

 So what changed, my dear client, was that you made the choice, based on his intentions, on how to manage the relationship in your favour – and your partner picked up on it, subconsciously!

Be careful what you think and feel towards someone, they will catch it. They may not catch it by verbatim, but they will get the feeling, and grow closer or farther apart. In this case, we were able to use his openness and his looking for an opportunity to leave his ex, to get that message through. And it got through before he would possibly have become disempowered by her rightful demand, for an honest start to a relationship.

Use it, use it well. People listen, even if they don’t know it. Think loving thoughts to
people you love, they will become closer to you. Think ill of someone, and nothing will be solved. This is the power of Empathic Choice making.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008

A client gave me some interesting insight on my last blog posting, as she felt she was in part to blame for her relationship problems, in not being able to change her attitude towards the relationship.

In the last blog  entry I mentioned how one has to try and change the approach one has towards a relationship. This client was frustrated, because she thought she would have to change herself completely. This is not the case!

For example, in her partnership, both her and her partner are very stubborn. As a result, there is very little movement forward, because stubbornness can a direct result of successful implementation of survival techniques – I don’t think people choose to be stubborn – to me it’s more of a boundary that people erect in order to protect themselves, to survive confrontations, like a form a self-assertion.

In this case, as both partners were stubborn, I suggested that she be the first to change a part of this equation; by perhaps letting go of the past, and on this she replied:

 “But I can’t do this so easily, I am so stubborn!”

I reminded her that one of the reasons she may be holding onto her stubbornness is because it has served her well in the past. A very good book to read on this type of ‘shadow’ emotional reaction, is a book by Debbie Ford, entitled “Dark side of the Shadow Chasers”.

In this book, the author illustrates how certain perceived ‘bad’ traits, are actually often of benefit to us. Take anger as an example. A person with an anger issue may be perceived by others as anger being the way they ‘win’ or maintain control  and this can be seen as agressive and non productive – and this association makes it harder for them to let go of their ability to control their feelings of anger. The angrier they get at themselves for being angry, the more the feeling self perpetuates. What one forgets to acknowledge though, is that anger is an important agent in self protection and that without it, we wouldn’t assert ourselves.

So my first answer to my client would be this: You don’t need to stop feeling your anger/stubborness towards your ex, you can still hold onto what has kept you safe in your past – but that you can try and look at him and most importantly yourself from a different perspective, so that your partner can sense that you are not resenting them continuously.

She agreed that if she could be less stubborn, as a result he may also become more flexible about their relationship as they may be sharing emotions ( this being an empathic transference ) but she seemed unsure as to how to ‘do’ this.

I would suggest the following:

 1)  Try just for once, in one situation in your life, if this person is invaluable to you, to alter your perception of the relationship. Not your attitude towards the person – but your perception of the way things went  wrong. This can be done through counseling, writing, and practice and most importantly, time.

 2)     Don’t expect your feelings to dissolve overnight. Sometimes change is imperceptible. Our own views of ourselves can become myopic if we look at things too closely. Expect some time for this change to evolve.

3)   I find starting off with smaller projects can be helpful in giving one confidence
at initiating emotional changes.  For example, this client could practice being
more flexible with other people first, before she applies it to her relationship. She may notice that changing her stubbornness may be easier than she anticipated, and in approaching things on a less grandiose scale, it may help her see that she can indeed, not always be stubborn, and that her buried flexibilty will serve her better in certain circumstances.

4) Most imporantly, embrace what you perceive as your 'negative' traits, so that you can recognise what triggers them, and also so you can recognise the way they have helped you. I am a great believer that self-acceptance is the vehicle towards change.

Remember  it’s not realistic to change completely – or to expect applying changes immediately – but one can use these lessons in relationships to explore new avenues in our consciousness, and expand our personal horizons.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008