STEPS TO RECOVER FROM BETRAYAL –by Karin Huffer
DEBRIEFING - that means telling someone what happened, and that person listening without judgment. We all listen to your stories, and we know what you’re talking about, because we’ve all been deceived in some way in our lives.
GRIEVING - it is legitimate to grieve the loss of possessions, or our lifestyle, or our place in the community. Sometimes well-meaning friends or relatives say, “Oh, it’s only money.” This isn’t true. Possessions are the outward manifestations of our inner identity. We didn’t just lose things. We lost part of ourselves.
OBSESSION – we become obsessed with hatred towards the sociopath who violated us and our feelings are certainly justified. The problem with obsession, however, is that it wears you out, and interferes with your ability to regain control in your life. Cope with obsession by compartmentalizing it—only allowing yourself to dwell in it for specific periods of time, schedule your way out of it.
BLAMING - this means putting blame where it belongs: on the perpetrator. We often feel guilty for allowing the situation to occur in our lives. But we have nothing to be guilty about. We were normal, caring, loving individuals who were deceived. The guilt, anger and rage needs to be directed towards the sociopath who deceived us.
DESHAMING - before our encounter with the predator, we had certain beliefs, such as “there’s good in everyone,” or “if someone asks me to marry him, he must really love me.” Unfortunately, the dreadful experience has taught us that some beliefs are false and need to be changed. When we do this, we also change our attitude, from “I was a fool” to “I’ve been wronged.”
REFRAMING - the steps aforementioned must be accomplished, before a person can move on to reframing. At this stage, you can look at your experience, define it differently, and then articulate the wisdom you’ve gained.
EMPOWERMENT - at this point, you feel focused energy. You take ownership of your problems, determine how you are going to cope with them, and go into action.
RECOVERY - with recovery, you are able to move forward in your life. Sometimes recovery involves forgiveness, but it is not necessary, it is up to you, if you can arrive to a point of forgiveness. What you can try to do is to turn it over to God for justice.
THE LONG JOURNEY – there is no expected timetable for moving through the recovery process. We all have different personal histories and face different circumstances. We’ve all had different levels of violation. Anyone who has been targeted for destruction by a sociopath must understand that it was a profound assault, and it will take time to recover. You may slide back and forth among the stages. So be gentle on yourself, because the journey may be long. If you keep going, in the end you will find peace, built upon new depths of wisdom and understanding.
'I fall,
I rise.
I make mistakes,
I live.
I've been hurt
but I'm alive.
I'm human,
I'm NOT perfect
but I'm thankful.
For through them,
I've LEARN to appreciate LIFE every moment.'
- unknown
—hugs, Donna
When your soul is connected with someone elses, and you feel the intensity of them. You cannot deny and you most certainly have a very hard time walking away. You may have a sever in there for a period of time but eventually the soul wins out and the universe works with the connection not against it. I know I will hear, well we have free will and we can decide but- when you have a "true soul connection" You will know this without a doubt in your mind. We have to separate at times to grow to expand to become our own individual person, but that soul when it melds with the other person/persons this will always win. This will always find it's way back. Not everyone has that soul connection it is a random coming in alignment with that person in the lifetime you are in. When you become aware of the soul connection you can never again deny the status of the meaning of why you are meant to walk the lifetime together. You will know this connection as you know yourself and yes they are not easy at first especially when there is many lessons to bring the souls in deeper together. The souls than combines with the others and your souls join hands. I am speaking from experience not from reading any books. True soul connections as I said are rare that they are able to combine into one. It is not an easy process and at times it may seem as if it losing and a battle has begun. Wrap your mind around the truth of the reasoning that not everyone can do, but you will just know this without ever seeing it in any light. And sometimes you have to proceed forward with what ever the universe is giving you and for the combing of hands to come together, the lessons and process is hard and when one or both have this to go through it can be almost hard to bare at times.
Yet once the light comes in again the renewal is never to be touched again.
Hugs,
Donna
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
From Kahlil Giran’s The Prophet
Please read between the lines closely!
Hugs,
Donna
“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
― Mother Teresa
Reach For The Stars! You Deserve it!
Love,
Donna
The word Listen Contains the same letters as the word SILENT!
* You Will receive a body,you may like it or not but it will be yours for this entire time around.
* You will Learn Lessons...You are enrolled in a informal school called life. Each day in school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and rediculous.
* There are no MISTAKES, Only Lessons...Growth is a process of trial and error.
* A Lesson is Repeated until it is Learned. A lesson will show up in various ways until you have mastered it. Than you can go onto the next Lesson.
*Learning Lessons Does Not End...There is no part of Life that does not contain a Lesson. If you are alive there are Lessons to be Learned.
* "There" is no better than "Here" When your "there" has become "here" You will simply obtain another "there" That will again look better than "here"
*Others are merely mirrors of YOU... You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you, something you love or hate about yourself.
*What You Make of Your Life Is Up To You.. You have all the tools and resources you need, what you do with them is up to you..The Choice Is Yours..
*The Answers Lie Inside Of You.....The Answers To Life's Questions Lie inside of You...All You Need to do is Look, Listen and Trust...
*Whether You Think You Can or Can't In Either Case You Will Be Right!
Think About It!!
Unknown Author..........
I have been at keen since 2002 and boy, what a great place it was than.. Advisors were so family like and knew eachother well. Now 10 years later it has turned into a complete "circus area" My opinion. I have spent all these years working with many people on keen off of keen. This place has become so very harsh and hurtful to be in and around. You are not Thanked for Helping, Clients not all, feel you are their punching bag. I have made a list for no more I am taking them, I have rules and boundaries that are mine for my business and I am stepping up my game, not here to carry the team always on my back! If one cannot do a simple Thank you for a reading or you helped me or you showed me the piece I needed than where have we gone as far as society, manners..... In the toilet, no manners, no compassion or understanding. I am a very very sensitive empath and I give all of me, not 50% and if a person does not see that or get that than your not meant to work with me, bottom line. There is no Love in here anymore. Just give me give me, give me, I will never ever ever tell you what you want to hear you want BS I am sure there is a dime a dozen. I am not God nor is anyone, and I will not tolerate anymore rudeness and constant whys, whys, whys, and whens and whens and whens. I a certified Life Coach who is Intuitive, who channels, who has always put you before my own well being at times my fault. If you do not like my style or my way or sessions, go else where I have enough people who I worked with for 10+ years, that have been kind and true to me and I to them. That know me and yes we worked together well. Next time you go to call someone ask this how would you like it if someone said to you? Why are you calling again??? Why Why Why?? When are you going to get it?? when? when? when? You would I am sure be so insulted and pretty much fed up if you heard it enough times. Try to RESPECT YOUR advisor!! Try to understand they are not fortune tellers or fairy dust sprinklers. They are just like me real! So from today on I will not be blogging here on keen and I will leave up what I written. If your an advisor come on now???You know better than that? work together not against. There is no room for constant judging and being rude. We have a world of pain that people work through every day. Why make this place not a safe haven. Want truth than listen, stop trying to figure out let it be and move forward. The old saying you wanna play with fire you eventually get burnt! One does not have to play in a pool of murky water and if you continue to do so, how can you help anyone for real? Loving yourself is repsecting yourself, if someone comes to you a client and is down right rude or hurtful and is trying to push you to say what they want to hear, than get out. They are not ready for truth nor are they ready to heal. Loving someone does not mean to allow them to abuse you or be cruel to you by their negative vibes. I will only only only!!! be taking clients that want TRUE REAL HELP, not put a bandaid on and walk around with all lover and light fluffy words to make you all butterfly like in your belly! You want real answers, real guidance, than be ready for the truth here from me. Otherwise their are others that can make you feel so fluffy and giddy. I am here roll up our sleeves and get to business I am ready I hope you are too. I am not frustrated I am done! I feel that I have carried alot of people on my back and it is time to get off and do some of your own work, I am not here to keep you addicted to me but to learn and grow. You call, it will be about spiritual life questions and true answers not this constant back and forth. This is to the point no beating around the mayberry bush. I am wanting to help you but not if your being rude!! Stop holding advisors hostage with feedback, I see it everyday. I have so many wonderful advisors who I have known since I started here, Msdream228, Apache Widow, Lady Celeste, Madea, Just to mention a few and they are top notch. My daughter who is new harmonyK Love these ladies they are what real truth is about!! Be kind to your advisor!
Thank you for the years of blogging it has been useful!!
Much Love,
Donna Carvalho
$2.99 This will be the one time I will do this after receiving nemerous emails if I could help out with a bit of a more lower price for some I will take tonight with Appts only, Regulars! Make sevral time because I will be on after 4-5pm EST. When I become tired I will break and RETURN- BUT please put in a few times as you will assure a spot.
Now- one more thing I will not take anyone anymore that will argue, or push me to say things they want, or they have an attitude when they call. I will be weeding through my clients list of clients that DO NOT RESPECT MY GIFTS! I always tell you the truth, I always give you 110%, I am NOT GOOD IN TIMING SO PLEASE STOP ASKING WHEN?????? ALL good things come in Gods time. If I do not get to accepting your appt know that it was because first come first serve.
This will be a trial to see how this works with every running this lower Special if it works good we will see maybe God has brightened our doorway more.
Hugs To The Moon And Back!!
Donna
I felt this article was very enlightening and had alot of hope and benefits to share with you..When you think there is no hope, and you feel alone and do not understand there is always help out there to make sense for you. I hope you find this article helpful and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Your not stuck forever if you wish to get healthy, and long for freedom. huge hugs Donna
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.
Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine - and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.
They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.
Characteristics of codependent people are:
■An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
■A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
■A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
■A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
■An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
■An extreme need for approval and recognition
■A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
■A compelling need to control others
■Lack of trust in self and/or others
■Fear of being abandoned or alone
■Difficulty identifying feelings
■Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
■Problems with intimacy/boundaries
■Chronic anger
■Lying/dishonesty
■Poor communications
■Difficulty making decisions
This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.
How is co-dependency treated:
Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. Treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.
When co dependency hits home:
The first step in changing unhealthy behavior is to understand it. It is important for co-dependents and their family members to educate themselves about the course and cycle of addiction and how it extends into their relationships. Libraries, drug and alcohol abuse treatment centers and mental health centers often offer educational materials and programs to the public.
A lot of change and growth is necessary for the co-dependent and his or her family. Any caretaking behavior that allows or enables abuse to continue in the family needs to be recognized and stopped. The co-dependent must identify and embrace his or her feelings and needs. This may include learning to say “no,” to be loving yet tough, and learning to be self-reliant. People find freedom, love, and serenity in their recovery.
Hope lies in learning more. The more you understand co-dependency the better you can cope with its effects. Reaching out for information and assistance can help someone live a healthier, more fulfilling life.
© 2012 Mental Health America
Here is a alittle share from me to you as an Energy Healer Empath, I will share for myself and some people in my lives and some clients from my Private Clientel. It has been heavy this energy this week has shocked everyone into a state of I am not doing this anymore, and I have had enough of everything in my way. I mtself have felt as if I need to move on....to my next phase of my career, and my life in general. I do not mind sharing myself and my happenings if that means to help someone else to possibly say, I feel that too. My facebook has blown up with so many feeling this as well, I posted and blogged and so many are saying I cannot take this in this direction anymore.
That accounts for lying, I know for me Lying you do not do to me. If you lie to me I am extremely upset and very very disappointed and angry. If you come to me and play games with me with drama, I end it right there on the spot, finished, Fineato! Done! I noticed this week situations came in from a past and present and knocked my socks off just hearing these remarks and lies. Almost as if you are staring at words or hearing words that someone is randomly coming up with for some type of reaction from you. My reaction has been to take action, as of the late. I will not stand by this past week and say okay look at the hurt wounded person, they need some love. Oh No! I have been like Hell No! You do not even go there with me. You do not even make those accussation, assumptions, and random Crap. That is not me, I usually sit with it and just sort of wait and watch what happens next, instead I went to another whole section of myself that I would not normally do.
Also what I have known is people that have been away at a distance in my life have come back and we have just sifted through and turned the page so nicely and also with excitement. But never the less intense. I have seen energy like this before, this is such a intense make a change one, and make it happen for sure one.
I am mixed in my emotions on how this will end this week but for me I am welcomed to anyone that has felt this as well. I have lashed out at people that I would not normally ever do, Not me to just jump fast. I have felt like enough is enough stop the nonsense. I felt like I have written so much in blogs and emails to explain energy and people and I am still seeing those still stuck- It is as If I am trying to get them unstuck may seem like a hazard to them like how dare you, but- It is an as I said intense energy. I am glad to see that many have reached out to me today,
That person in your life almost has pushed theri way to a point of no return as if you do not turn this around soon, thats it! Done! No speaking here of my Life but of some clientel people and family and friends. Like how dare you string me along and hold me hostage at the risk of my sansity are you kidding me? That is what the energy has felt like. Anyone feel tha this week?
I know for me my career as a Life Coach has uped the what I will tolerate and what I will not anymore. I am finished with my NLP Course, Neuro - Lingistic Programming/Healer. I am now a Practioner. It has been a kept secret from all my family/friends. I also have enrolled in becoming a Fire Walk Coach as well that is my next step in my career. I have been so interested in the Glass walking and fire walking for the mind to detach from the body as a way to seperate and work through any fears. WOW!! Is all I can say! But This has gone hand and hand with my Life Coaching as well being a strong Empath Intuitive! It has allowed me to be the best at Coaching and opeing closed walls and doors.
But again the energy has made it way into my corridors of who I am, for the good no matter how difficult it has felt, down right ugly!
I hope this helps if you feel as if I am Done! No more feeling.. Maybe this can help you to catapult you forward us it too.. Be on 8pm EST. Appts Only!
Huge hugs,
Donna
“Every day is an opportunity to be creative – the canvas is your mind, the brushes and colours are your thoughts and feelings, the panorama is your story, the complete picture is a work of art called, ‘my life’. Be careful what you put on the canvas of your mind today – it matters.” — Innerspace
BY: Law Of Attraction Works.
Hugs,
Donna
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection-Buddha ❧
Since everyone in this entire universe is special, and since everyone in this universe has a worth that can't be computed with the measure of material assets, we must all realize that we deserve real love and real affection.
Life is about finding the best in every situation, whether it means we have to find the best in old relationships by learning of our true self worth, or learning how it is to be treated by someone in a manner that we should all be treated in after we felt we would never experience real true love and affection.
Never settle for less, or even settle for mediocrity in a relationship. If a person isn't willing or capable of learning how to treat you, and you feel it in your heart, learn to let go, learn from the experience, and vow to live your life as the best you that you can possibly become. Doing so will greatly improve your life overall, especially in the area of the relationships you keep ❧
By:Celtic Clairvoyanc
Huge hugs,
Donna
The past is the past and has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with Right Now. Do not let anything from your past inhibit you in this Present Moment. Start over. Start Fresh. Each day. Each hour, if it serves you. Heck, each minute. Just get going.
Everyone makes mistakes we are ALL human, and no matter what we must learn to forgive as forgiving allows us freedom, and when we stay so stuck in the PAST we do not make room to have the freedom we deserve. It is not to just say okay- that person was wrong or they hurt me, or they did not mean to hurt me it says, I understand your HUMAN, and I may not forget what happened but I forgive the mistake or action. Start over, re-create fresh, and forgiving allows new beginnings to take place in ones life. huge hugs Donna
By: Neale Donald Walsh
A - Accountability, own your dreams
C - Clarity, see the vision
T - Time, spend on yourself daily
I - Ingenuity - create, create, create
O - Optimistic - ALWAYS
N - Never give up, never give in
By: DreamTime
Huge Hugs,
Donna
Hold on to what is good,
Even if it's a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it's a long way from here.
Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday I'll be gone away from you.
A Pueblo Indian Prayer
Huge hugs,
Donna