JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
All too often, I have seen people so want to believe that what others say is the truth that they miss the signs of what is really happening. It doesn’t matter what I say or what their friends and family tell them. They want so much for the illusion to be the reality that they actually miss the reality and end up in pain and sadness. They have jumped to a conclusion of what is going to happen and will compromise themselves, their emotions and their money in order to “make it happen”. Inevitably, what they have blindly invested in turns out to be a shill, false promises in order to real them in and they end up angry at themselves for not seeing what was right in front of their face from the beginning. By the same token, jumping to conclusions about people can show you how warped our perceptions have become based on, not the person we are judging, but what others have told us that we then make our truths.
How do we recognize when we are jumping to conclusions?
If someone is “wooing you” in order to close a business deal and insinuating that you can be more than just business partners you are probably being fed false promises. This happened recently with a client. A personal trainer had her convinced that he would help her get into shape with his training. Along with that the flirtation insinuated to her that there would be more to their relationship that just working out at the gym together and she had visions of romance in her head. She paid him up front, in cash for the training sessions and continued with the flirtation through text messages. After several months of trying to schedule the workout sessions with this person she got into an argument with him about him not providing the services she had paid for. Despite being told that this person was not a good person to have in her life and she would more likely than not have to sue to get her money back as he had refused to refund it, she continued to contact him thus giving him the opportunity to once again ensnare her in the suggestion that they could have a relationship and everything would be just great with them and “of course he would refund her money”. Because she is wanting a relationship with this person so badly she jumped to the conclusion that everyone else is wrong and that he is going to do what he promised. Since she jumped to the conclusion she ignored what those who care for her are trying to tell her and lashed out at those that have told her the truth. Even though he had strung her along for several months and did not follow through with the previous promises she decided to jump into believing him. She is missing the day to day that would show her if this person is living up to the promises or just playing with her heart and her money. Though the flirtation is there he has yet to ask her out on a date. Though he told her, finally, he would refund her money, she still does not have that money in hand, though he promised to train her she has yet to set foot in a gym at the same time as him. Jumping to conclusions is costing her emotionally, physically, and financially. It has alienated her advisors, family and friends through her lashing out at them as a result of believing his lies. If the people that love you the most and have nothing to gain from the information they are giving you, pay attention to the messages.
My mom used to tell the story of a guy she dated who was a car salesman. One day at work a customer walked in wearing overalls and looking like he had just come in from the farm. In jumping to conclusions, the other salesmen took one look at him and decided from the way he was dressed, and the hands that showed he worked hard for a living, that he would be a waste of time to deal with and couldn’t afford their cars even if he did apply for the financing that they had to offer. Even though it was a slow day and there was no one else in the dealership not one of those salesmen stepped up to help the man. They had jumped to a conclusion that he wasn’t worth wasting their time on. The gentleman that was seeing my mom at the time did go up to the man to see if he could help him. The man needed a new jeep for his farm. It took a while for the man to decide which model he wanted. The other salesmen were being a bit mocking of the one that had stood up to help the man. It took a few hours working with the man to get exactly what he was looking for. At the end of the time when they had narrowed it down and found two jeeps that matched what the man wanted they sat down to write up the paper work. At that time, the man reached into those overall pockets and pulled out enough money to buy not one, but two jeeps. Because he didn’t rush to conclusions and took the time to work with the man he went home with a nice commission. The other men who jumped to conclusions rejected the man on the notion that he couldn’t be of value to them because he looked like he couldn’t qualify. They missed a golden opportunity and probably several more as I doubt this instance changed their perception any from their original thought process.
Instead of jumping to conclusions it would serve us to stop, think, analyze based on facts, not on desires and prejudgment, and learn to live in the moment. Listen to that inner voice that says, “things aren’t quite right here” before you get suckered into and emotional and financial roller coaster. Or that inner voice that says “all is not what it appears to be” which could teach us to slow down and examine the people that are telling us one thing but doing another or tells us to go help the hard working person who prefers to pay cash and isn’t embarrassed by his profession.
What Frequency Are You Running On?
When you turn on the radio, to get a clear connection to the channel you want you have to land right on the appropriate number. A little to the left, a little to the right and you may “hear” the music but it will be distorted. Close to what you were looking for but not clear or enjoyable. In fact, if you were forced to listen to the music in this way, what started out to be an enjoyable event would soon lend you to being upset, frustrated and angry.
Life works much the same way. You start your day on the right channel, happy, looking forward to the days events, and excited for what is to come. Throughout the day there will be small obstacles that come into your path, switching your frequency a little to the left or a little to the right.
How you handle these obstacles will determine what frequency you run on for the rest of the day.
Should you decide to react to these obstacles then you will more likely than not attract even more of the same problems throughout the day. Reacting causes a lower vibrating energy to emit from you. Lower vibrating energies (rage, anger, physical reactions) attract energies of the same level. So, by the time you get home you have a headache, you are still reacting to the issue that occurred hours ago, you eat your dinner which won’t digest properly which causes you to have an upset stomach due to the lower frequency “acid” running through your system. When you do finally go to bed you can’t sleep as you can’t stop the video running through your head and when sleep finally does come it is restless and not peaceful so when you wake up in the morning your new day is not really a new day at all. Since your frequency has not been reset to the right channel you are again carrying the energy of the previous day.
You have to consciously reset your channel. Get on the right frequency so that the music playing in your head comes through clearly and melodically so you can reap the enjoyment that all of us deserve out of life. When you do this, you increase your vibrational frequency which brings in higher vibrating events and joy is once again your playmate.
How do we do this? Through our thought process. When you face the challenges of your day with a positive attitude (this does not mean you have to like the challenge, it means you face it with the intent of a positive outcome) you are keeping your frequency on the right channel.
I have a dear friend who is going through some difficult issues right now. In dealing with them, it has been brought to her attention that when she reacts in a negative manner to someone else’s actions, it sets the pace not only for the outcome of the situation at the time but also for the rest of the things that she has to deal with in regards to the events occurring. She very much has a warrior princess energy. The issue is not this energy as it is a great protector it is more what tools she releases in her quest for justice. The more tools that come from a lower frequency vibration (negativity, anger, rage), the worse the situation gets and the less she accomplishes. When she uses tools that come from a higher vibrating frequency (what is best solution, discussion, finding the right people to help her in the situation) the more positive results she accomplishes and the better the energy flows. Roadblocks seem to start falling away and answers come to her in the form of her thought process and/or dreams. When we shift our energy focus into using positive tools that build as opposed to negative tools that are reactive and destroy, the best solution comes to us.
So when events occur, as in life they always do, be sure to check that you are not reacting to the event. If you are reacting, change that frequency to the right station and watch the wonders that will appear. You can’t change other peoples actions but you can change your reaction and find the solution that works best for you.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover... ~Mark Twain
It is currently 1:43am Central Time and as I sit outside enjoying the moonlight I have to laugh at the fact that I am once again not in bed sleeping. I have been hearing about and living through these energy shifts for quite some time now and have discovered that one of the main things they affect are my sleep patterns. Luckily for me I do have clients that are up at this time of the night also so I can work and not just sit staring at the TV screen wishing I were sleeping. Being a "Gifted One" from birth I am quite used to being different and doing things differently.
I did try fitting into the mainstream. Worked in the Grocery Business and in Accounting for a major corporation for years. I tried to fit into "normal" but now know there is no such thing as we are all different and ones perception of normal may not be anything like the ones standing right beside them. Thankfully, my guides and this wonderful Universe had other plans for me. So through a series of events that seem almost comedic now that I look back on them I made the decision to venture into my true calling as a Spiritual Advisor. I much prefer that term as to me it encompasses so much more in life.
When I do readings it is based on the energy that you are working with now. The directions things are heading for you and if that is not what you wish the options you have and choices you can make that will get your life to where you want it to be. You have free will and the choice you make with the information you are given is yours and yours alone.
Since we are talking about your free will we should also talk about others free will. You cannot (and definitely should not try) to change anothers free will. If a relationship is over you need to move on. Waiting on that person or trying to force them into something they do not want to do is not a healthy choice for you to be making. If you choose to "wait" you are putting energy on hold. This means that not only will you not have the opportunity to move forward into a new relationship, stagnant energy will also affect your money, your work, your home environment and more. You are pretty much putting your life and everything in it on hold. Not such a good idea.
If you have been waiting for and have not heard from a person for say, three months at the most, and still are not able to move on, are calling psychics daily asking when you are going to hear from this person and when they are coming back to you, you need to start looking at yourself. Sometimes, no matter how much we want something it just doesn't work out. Waiting on someone else to make a move is making the decision to put you life, more or less, on hold. Making someone else responsible for you happiness is a no win situation.
We all deserve happiness and joy and being "stuck" in a pattern of fear and (ugghhh I hate this word) needing "closure". You are not allowing yourself to step into a life and joy and happiness. For most people even if you were to sit down and talk with the person that you need the closure from you still wouldn't get it. Nothing they have to say will be enough for you to allow them to move on with their lives. You are making someone else responsible for your happiness.
I once had a friend that insisted she was in love with a certain man. She had not heard from him in over a year. He had actually moved to another state and a new life. Despite the fact that I did not see him coming back she insisted that they would be together because she loved him. She had written him a letter, he had not replied. She had texted him, he had not replied. She had called him, he had not replied. So her plan was to go to the city where he now resided and go to his work so she could talk to him and possibly move to that city to be with him. When I told her not to do this her reply was "but I love him".
This is not love. This is obsession and in some states (should be all states)considered stalking. You have broken up, he has moved to another state, and yet you are going to force yourself on him because you have led yourself to believe that you belong together. If you truely love someone then you respect their choices even if it means you are not a part of them. And you respect yourself enough to say you gave it a shot but it is time to move on.
Limited time special.
I am a Lightworker who is Blessed by God and the Angels in helping you to find the reasons for events in your life. I work with my Guides, Ascended Masters and The Brotherhood of the Light in helping you to understand and work through the events in your life. I will tell you what I see though it may not be what you want to hear.
· Lightworker
· Clairvoyant
· Clairaudient
· Intuitive
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These days it seems people are coming up with a myriad of reasons not to take personal responsibility for their choices and the way their lives are going. I can’t tell you how many times a day the issues going on with someone is always boiled down to one conclusion. It’s always someone else’s fault. They are playing the blame game and not looking at themselves as having responsibility in what is happening.
When we choose to blame as opposed to looking at the whole picture the cycle tends to continue until that clue phone goes off and we look at what changes we could make in our lives to bring in happiness, joy, good relationships, etc…
I recently was working with a mother and daughter to help them move past an issue and heal their relationship. Each one was so hurt by what they perceived the other was doing that the entire situation was getting out of hand. Too many other people were jumping on the band wagon, interfering in the relationship and making things much much worse instead of better. One person in particular was feeding the energy of the pain between the two and dead set on alienating the mother and the daughter. Such was her rage at the daughter that she then alienated me as her friend as she started attacking me simply because I wouldn’t take her side. Healing situations are not about taking sides when you can see the whole picture. It is not for me to judge who was right and/or wrong but rather to provide the tools to help them heal. When I explained to this interfering individual that I was not taking sides and would not take sides she still refused to look at herself as a problem. The sadness in all of this is she lost a good friend, alienated a young girl who is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and upset a mother by the things she said about this woman’s child.
The truth of the matter is that when she went off on the daughter and was creating chaos in their lives she wasn’t looking at why she was reacting in this way to an event that really wasn’t any of her business in the first place. The underlying issue is that she has a child who has treated her like crap from day one. To this day her child still uses her, treats her badly, and uses her grandchild as a bargaining chip to get what he wants out of her. By not taking responsibility for what was going on in her own life she very nearly destroyed a relationship between a mother and a daughter who were trying to heal. By not setting boundaries in her own life she is blaming others for what is hurting her deeply and will never be resolved until she confronts her enabling this child to do this to her. She continues to allow the cycle to repeat itself and blames everyone else by reacting to others and not dealing with her own issues.
I see this blame game going on with my some of my callers also. When I tell some of them things they don’t want to hear they attack. I am shocked at times with the feedback that is left by some after a reading as it doesn’t reflect what was really said in the reading. It saddens me, not because they attacked me, but because by not seeing the situation for what it is they are going to continue to repeat the cycle that is bringing them so much pain in the first place. Their reaction is a lot like the line in the movie “You Can’t Handle The Truth”.
If you have been in a relationship for over 2 years and it is back and forth with no real movement forward it doesn’t matter how many times your partner tells you that they love you or tells you that they want to build a life with you if the actions are not following the words. Talk is cheap. So then when you get a new advisor who sees the pain you are going through and tries to provide the tools to you to find happiness in your life, do you look at what actions you are allowing or do you react negatively to that advisor and slam them? How many friends have you tossed to the wayside because they see past the illusion and have the guts to tell you that you are being used by this person.
Words will give you promises of a future. But if there is no actions to back up the words then all you have is empty promises. You could blame the other person as they do have some part in the pain you are going through but more so you need to look at yourself and see what needs to be healed within you that you would allow someone to continually make these promises to you and continue to disappoint.
By looking past what they are doing and seeing what you are allowing you afford yourself the opportunity to grow within yourself and to enhance the self love that is vital in order to have a healthy relationship. Are you so fixated on this person being the one that you continue to allow them to hurt you and you quantify their actions in order to continue this pattern. Why do you feel that you don’t deserve a healthy relationship that will bring you the happiness you are seeking? Why are you continuing to “fix” others without taking the time to fix yourself?
When you continue in these types of relationships over and over again you are really saying you don’t deserve. Striking out at others and blaming them in essence for your choices doesn’t help you and in the end you most like destroy the relationship between you and those that truly care for you and in their caring are brave enough to tell you the truth. You continue to choose relationships with people that won’t take responsibility for their words and/or actions (or lack thereof) and continue to wreak havoc on your life. You are basically telling yourself you don’t deserve a happy healthy relationship and continue in the drama that you have created in your life. When given the opportunity to look at yourself and see the changes that you could make that would lead you to happiness in your life, you slam the door hard.
By playing the blame game you are setting yourself up for continued unhappiness. You may eventually get out of the bad relationship, partnership, job, whatever, but it doesn’t mean you have ended the cycle. And when the end comes do you see it as a blessing, an opportunity for you to look at yourself and say Thank God I didn’t go there? Or do you stay in limbo continually looking for “closure” as to why the relationship didn’t work out? That energy only continues the cycle and usually results in you pulling in someone with the same type of energy, repeating the pattern. Until you learn to value yourself and believe you deserve better you will continue to repeat the patterns as your inner self is trying to tell you you need to find the faith within you.
In the end you lose because you have not valued yourself. You have not nurtured the joy that can be within you and instead make everyone else responsible for your choices.
I love reading for my clients and connecting them with the information that will help them to move forward with their lives in a way that will bring them joy, happiness and abundance. I will provide information as to what can help them to achieve this within their lives and what steps they need to take in order to accomplish this. Lately, though it seems there are more and more people that want the answers but do not want to invest their time or efforts into achieving what can be theirs. They want the free ride and if it means that I (or any other reader) give them information that requires them to take some action on their own they will leave negative responses blaming the reader for their lack of self motivation that would help them to move forward. If you truly want your life to change you are the one who has to change it. I (and other readers) can provide you with the tools but you are the one that has to decide what to do with them when they are given. Your choices are the ones that will determine the outcome, not our words. With this in mind I would like to give a few synopses and explain what the choices are and/or clarify what the information given means.
1.) Health-We are not allowed to discuss health issues with our clients. It is against keen policy and as I am not a medical professional I will tell you to schedule an appointment with your doctor or health care practitioner. This does not mean that I am being “unspecific” it means I am being very specific and I am referring you to the area that has someone who can help you. If you truly have health concerns you should seek the knowledge of someone that practices in that field. You wouldn’t take your car to the dry cleaners to have them tell you why it is not functioning properly, have the same respect for your body and your health.
2.) Exes-If I tell you ex is not coming back It and that it is time for you to move it does not mean that I am saying that you don’t still care for them or they for you. It means that the type of relationship you are looking for will never come from this person. It means that it is time for you to move forward, in baby steps if necessary, to get on with your life and find the type of relationship you are looking for so that you can have the happiness in your life that we all seek and deserve. You have two choices here. Sit still, becoming more depressed that you have no one in your life and a year or two from now be in the same situation where you are waiting for something that is never going to happen. You have put your life on hold based on someone else’s actions and really shortchanged yourself in the happiness department as a result of this. Or, you can start going out again with friends, meeting new people, discovering new things to do with your time so you are not sitting at home dwelling on the woulda, shoulda, coulda. When you do this you start the healing process and hopefully find yourself laughing again and enjoying other peoples company without comparing them to someone who for whatever reason is no longer in your life. I don’t get joy out of telling someone to move on. I know it hurts, and that the pain will always be a little piece of you but do not let the pain from someone else become more important in your life than the joy of yourself.
3.) Closure- I really, really hate this word. I can’t tell you how many times I have been told in order to move on with their lives my clients need closure from this relationship. If you are looking for closure, you will never ever get it from the other person you were involved with. For one thing most exes will not sit down for a chat about what happened in the relationship either because they have already moved on or because there is really nothing they can tell you that would bring you closure. The only one who can truly give you closure is yourself and that is not based on what someone says to you but rather on your knowledge that sometimes we have to let things go in order to bring in that which will be a balanced relationship. It is like having that pair of black pumps, they still look good but they don’t quite fit anymore. It’s not that there is anything wrong with them cosmetically or that having the heel taps replaced will fix. You can continue to wear them when you want but you discover the more you do the more uncomfortable they become until you go out and get a new pair. You still love the old ones, they just don’t fit with what you need any more and it is time to move on to the new.
4.) Relationships-As the majority of us would like to have a partner in this life to spend time with and build a future with a great number of my calls ask about finding a mate. The majority of the time I can tell my clients when these relationships will occur. There are occasions, however where the client has to make some changes in their lives in order for the events to start unfolding. If you are told that you need to start getting out of the house, increasing your social circle, and finding things to do that you enjoy that will bring you into contact with people, the relationship is not going to happen. Unless I tell you that you will connect with the Fed Ex man or the washing machine repair man (yes, that has happened), you have to take some responsibility for bringing people into your lives that can create social circles that will lead you to this person. Calling me back months later to complain that I (or any other reader) made false promises because you aren’t with anyone is not fair. If you didn’t do any of the things suggested to bring this person into your life blaming us for things not working out is not fair to me (or any other reader who is trying to help you). You are the only one who can create your reality and if you choose to just sit on the couch and wait you will continue to sit on the couch and wait.
5.) Commitment-It takes two to have a committed relationship and both parties need to want the same thing in order for this to occur. Getting pregnant is not going to lead to a committed relationship just because you are going to have someone’s child. Especially if the other person was not aware that there were plans for a child. Yes, accidents do happen but when one deliberately gets pregnant in order to keep someone in their life they are cheating themselves, the child, and the father of the child. You cannot trap someone into being with you and then call it committed. You cannot blame them if they move to get away from you and what you have done though they may still want the responsibility of the child. Forcing someone into your life because it is what you want with no consideration of what they may want is a selfish action that rarely if ever brings you the results you are seeking. You have tried to manipulate someone else’s free will and though it may not push them away it will definitely change the dynamics of the relationship. Please note I am not speaking of relationships where the child is created in love between the partners I am talking about deliberate manipulation to gain what you want. Commitment has to have trust and like values for it to last. It takes time for relationships to grow and develop within both parties.
6.) Timing-Things take time to grow and develop and no matter how much we may want it sooner if the timing isn’t right it is not going to happen. Occasionally I get questions of “when will I be in a relationship” or “when will I be married.” If the response is anything more than a month it usually results in negative responses from the caller. When dealing with time there can be several factors that account for the answer given. The person you are going to be with may not be in an area of their life for that to occur yet. They may need time to get through their own growth issues so they will be ready for the relationship that could develop between the two of you. You may need to make changes in your life that will open up the energy of having a partner in your life. Sometimes theses type of changes take a while for you to bring in and adapt to so bringing a partner in while you are in this growth pattern would not be conducive to the development of a relationship. This does not mean that you won’t date between now and then. It does not mean that you won’ t enjoy your life between now and then, it simply means that it isn’t time yet.
7.) Soul Mates-I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this from clients that won’t allow themselves to move forward from a relationship because their previous partner was there “Soul Mate”. Or I receive a call asking when they are going to meet their “Soul Mate”. You meet Soul Mates practically every day of your life. A Soul Mate is a being who has agreed (before you ever came here) to meet up with you in your lifetime to help with the development of your soul growth. These “Mates “ can be members of your family, friends, partners, and even enemies. They are the ones whose presence helps you to define your morals, goals, since of self, belief systems, boundaries and life. They at times could be a life partner but partners do not have to be Soul Mates and Soul Mates don’t have to be partners and in some cases should never be partners as their antagonistic ways are not conducive to a healthy relationship and can hold you back from the true happiness you are looking for in life should you choose these people as mates. There is not just one partner per person.
As you can see there are many factors that come into play in our lives. Our job as advisors to you is to give you the options and guidance to help you make the choices in your life that will bring you happiness, love and abundance. Your actions will definitely determine the outcome of what we see. As advisors we want you to have all that you desire but at times we will have to tell you that it won’t come with the person that you think is the one. You are the one that determines your growth. So the next time before you react negatively to advice that is meant to be helpful to you and your growth take some responsibility for how your actions have played into the events in your life. You can have the life you deserve and the love you are looking for. Be a part of your growth, examine what you are putting into it and how your reactions or insistence on having it one way could be holding you back.
Blessings and Light
Nan
Too many times I get calls from clients who say they need “closure” to get on with their life. They feel they need to speak to the other party in order to get that closure. The truth is noone can ever give you what you think you are seeking. The closure has to come from within you. You have to learn to love yourself enough to let it go and to move on with your life.
People will come into our lives at different times and for different reasons. Some will stay and some will move on out in order to accomplish what they need to accomplish in their lifetime. Trying to bully them into talking with you only decreases your vibrational energy and keeps you in fear not to mention is disrespectful to the other person.
If they haven’t taken your calls, read your emails or text messages, and basically not responded to you then stop trying to force something that makes someone else terribly uncomfortable and possibly fearful. By continuing to try and force yourself on this person you are telling them that their needs are of no importance to you and that you really have no respect for them because it is all about what you want and not what they need.
Contacting the persons friends and/or family members is also way out of line. There is no way I would ever communicate with someone who had intruded so forcefully into my personal space with the underlying threat that if contact wasn’t made they would do this. This is noone else’s issue for you to be pulling them into your bullying. I have had to inform some clients that what they are doing is actually stalking and there are laws against that and they are treading on very thin ground. If a person doesn’t respond to you they don’t want to talk with you and if you continue to harass it only serves to validate their feelings are correct.
There could be any number of reasons why communication has been cut off but the biggest of them all is that they have moved into a different calling in their life and don’t want to go back to what couldn’t be. If you cannot respect their wishes and allow them to do what they need to do because it is not what you want then you never really understood or respected them in the first place.
Recognize and understand that it is time for you to move on. Seek professional counseling to better understand why you are trying to force yourself into someone’s life that isn’t open to you being there. Allow people to be who they are, learn to love yourself and let them be. You cannot force someone to do something they are not prepared to do.
Very often when talking with clients in regards to their relationships I am asked the question “Is it worth it?”
That is not a question that is up to me to answer. I can tell you all the issues that come along with this relationship. I can tell you if the person in question is going through a growth period and if they will grow out of the issues or continue the way that they are. I cannot and ethically should not make the decision for you.
Relationships are not just a matter of whether this person cares for/loves you or not. They are also the day to day responsibility that comes along with a relationship and if the person has the investment in the day to day as well as the emotional connection that is there. When a call is made in regards to a relationship and the other persons actions, the information you are being given shows what a future with this person would be like. Only you can make the decision as to whether this is the relationship you want to invest in or not.
The decision making process is much like having a car that you really love. It looks good, has lots of memories attached to it, and is dear to your heart. One day you take it in to the mechanic. Though on the surface the car looks good the mechanic tells you that to keep it running at top performance will be a huge investment for you. It will require lots of your time, energy, and finances to keep this car going in the manner that you want it to be running. You have to make the decision.
1.) You can keep the car but if you do it is with the understanding that things aren’t going to get better with it. There is the underlying knowledge that at any time hidden issues will pop back up and you are the one that will have to invest the time and the energy into fixing the problem as the car isn’t going to do anything to make it better which leaves all the decision making and the “health” of the car (relationship) in your hands solely.
2.) Even though you put the work, effort, time, emotions and finances into the issue it doesn’t guarantee that it will fix the problem or that another more costly problem could occur at any time.
3.) No matter how much you love that car the day to day responsibilities are not being handled by it and you can’t fix it’s problem just by loving it. Your investment is much more than just loving it.
4.) The daily maintenance that you have to perform on the car in order to keep it in running condition starts wearing on you and resentment and anger flare up in regards to the car and why it can’t just fix its problems so life can be good for the both of you. You become physically exhausted from the worry of when the next breakdown will occur, your time is spent getting repairs done which cuts in to your work and personal time, your emotions start taking a toll on your self esteem and you start blaming yourself for the problems that the car has.
So the decision making process for relationships is much like that of a favorite car. You can have the relationship but be sure that it is the one that you want. Examine even with the love that you have, is it worth it to you for the long haul or do you get rid of the car and find one that fits just as well if not better and the “maintenance” is not so emotionally destructive to you.
The next time there is an issue, fight, argument, loss of friendship, breakup of a relationship, discord in the family, Stop and ask yourself how much of this issue is your responsibility. If the answer is none then you are lying to yourself and if you can lie to yourself then you can lie to others.
When I ask how much of it you are responsible for. I am not insinuating that you caused the initial issue but you are responsible for the outcome and how you allow yourself to affect and even condemn other people.
Recently someone I care for and was concerned about came to me for help. Thinking that helping them would give them the support that they needed to make their life better I lent this person some money to, I thought, help them get out of a situation. Within 24 hours I found out that this person blatantly lied to me. I did not cause the initial issue but I was responsible for allowing him to lie to me. There were clues that everything didn’t add up but I chose to believe that this person absolutely needed my help and so I pushed them aside. There were several things that I could have done in response to this situation, most of which would have caused even more drama and pain than I was already feeling. Had I reacted to my feelings of hurt and betrayal it would have blown the issue even wider than before. Instead I made a responsible decision that:
1.) This person has no clue about integrity or the fact that there are people out there that believe in him and know what he could make of his life,
2.) I need to listen more to my intuition and think before I react and
3.) It was a lesson for me that not everyone can be trusted no matter if I consider them part of my extended family or not and
4.) This person can no longer be a part of my life.
It seems every day I see people hurting the ones they supposedly care for and love. A small argument between two friends will escalate into an almost all out war and what started as a disagreement between two people which probably could have been resolved by having a discussion suddenly has even more people involved in the situation so that the accusations and name calling gets bigger and bigger. This is where responsibility comes in. If you have an issue with one person, bringing others into the fold usually only results in drama and deceit as you have not taken responsibility for your part in it.
1.) The person that you are bitching to about the person you are upset with is only hearing one side of the story, if they are jealous or do not like the person that you are gossiping about they will twist the issue to an even worse one and involve even more people that really have nothing to do with it other than fulfilling their own agenda. Instead of talking with and working out the problem with the one that you had a misunderstanding with the small issue now becomes a matter of lies and betrayal and no story ever gets repeated in truth.
2.) By not dealing with your responsibility in how the matter has come about in the first place you have compromised your integrity and more likely than not deeply hurt someone that cared for you as a friend.
3.) You have assumed that you have a right to tell this person how to think and feel because their thoughts and feelings don’t align with yours. There is no consideration to their feelings and how they may view the situation in order to work out a solution that would be positive for both.
4.) By involving or trying to involve others with mistruths and possibly disclosing things that were told to you in confidence you have betrayed the person you supposedly cared about.
5.) Some betrayals can never be healed and you have destroyed the trust and most likely the friendship of one who cared deeply for you
6.) Was it worth it? Do you truly feel good about what you have done or are you constantly bringing it up to others, continuing to keep the drama going, and the hurt cutting deeper into the one you have betrayed as you have betrayed yourself.
7.) If you can live with the knowledge of what you have done to your friend and yourself then you are not taking responsibility for your part of the issue and this type of meanness will become a part of your life and the people that you surround yourself with will be they types that reflect that back to you. I wouldn’t want to live a life where the only people around me are ones that would stab me in the back and be friends with me only to better themselves and when something better comes along leave me in the dust to start the pattern all over again.
So the next time before you open your mouth and react think about what part of the issue is your responsibility. Think about your actions following it and what affect they will have on others. Do the words that come out of your mouth truly help the situation or are you throwing daggers to hurt in order to make yourself feel better. It won’t make you fell better in the long run. It will only worsen the situation and deepen the wound of the one that cared about you in the first place. When the person cuts you out of their life because the hurt is more than they can live with accept the responsibility of being part of that decision as your actions speak much louder than words.
I often get calls from clients with the question how does he/she feel about me. When the answer is that the person in question does love and is getting to the “in love” but are not yet ready for that phase, the next question I get is “well why can’t they be there now?”
Relationships come in stages. You meet and are attracted to someone, you get to know them and begin serious dating. The serious dating turns to love and the love turns to in love. Jumping from learning a name to wanting to be in love you miss out on the courtship or, as I call it the dance of the relationship. The time when the true person comes out and the little quirks that once seemed so endearing can either make or break the relationship. It is a time when you learn not only about your partner but also about yourself.
There is no tangible reason that the person is not “in love” as opposed to loving you other than they are not ready yet. When I say they are not ready yet I get Well, why not. Why can’t they be?” Explaining that each of us has a personal growth time that cannot be rushed and just because you are ready does not mean that your partner is does not satisfy a lot of the people I talk with. I understanding wanting something so bad you can taste it. At the same time when human emotion is involved in the outcome you have to give the other person time to get to their comfort level in the relationship status. Just because you are there doesn’t mean they are.
It is much like the baking of a cake. You are hungry, so you go into the kitchen for something to satisfy your “craving”. You search through all the cans and boxes in the cupboard and find a box of cake mix. The picture on the front of the box is enticing and you envision what the end result of this baking will bring to you. You gather all the ingredients, mix them together, and know that the combination and patience with the baking time will give you the dessert that you are seeking. When you first put the cake in the oven you have a mixture of ingredients that with the right amount of time, heat, and patience will gel together and form the perfect foundation for the layers you will put together in the end. As the cake bakes you can begin to smell the sweet aroma of the ingredients coming together. Though it increases your appetite for the end product, in your mind you know you have to let it finish baking, to reach its full flavor and have solid layers that when brought together will form the desert that you have been craving. And so you patiently wait for the full development of the cake and the moment when you can take it out of the oven and piece it together to become that which you have been desiring. You know that you can savor and enjoy. And, though that initial desire has changed from one of longing for to one of gratification, you also know that you can continue to bake more cakes and have those moments for yourself over and over again.
What you don’t do is take the cake out in the middle of the baking time. It will not have gelled together. Not all ingredients have met their full potential. One layer may be more “baked” than the other as sometimes the ingredients in the pans will rise and become their individual layer before the other one does. One side of it may need more baking time than the other. If you remove it too soon, you may be able to get a taste of what it could have been like but you will never be able to taste the cake as it was meant to be. The layers won’t stack together because there is no solidity to form the foundation with. One layer will smash the other as the lightness and flexibility that is usually baked in has been omitted making the two layers too heavy to support each other. That is if you can even get them out of the pan in the first place as trying to take it out before it is baked usually results in a pile of mush which is thrown out and you have to start all over again.
When you have the “box” in the relationship that gives you the picture of what the end result will be, remember to give it the time to bake, the ingredients to gel, to rise into the layer that gives you not only the sweet taste but the flexibility to be stacked together without one crushing the other. The knowledge of the present, the building of the foundation and the reward of the outcome.
Blessings and Light
Golden Shadow
Nan
We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw
If I Had My Life To Live Over...Erma Bombeck
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the “good” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”
There would have been more “I love you’s.” More “I’m sorry’s.”
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it… live it… and never give it back.
Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.
Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who DO love us.
Let’s think about what God HAS blessed us with.
And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.
Life is too short to let it pass you by.
We only have one shot at this and then it’s gone.
I hope you all have a blessed day.
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. ~H. Jackson Browne
Ah the joy of the New Year and the promises that it brings.....
I greet each New Year with excitement, joy, and a bit of anxiety. New Years dinner is a family affair steeped in tradition. While I enoy the time with family and most of the tradition my anxiety increases as the time gets closer for the eating of the black eyed peas.
The reason for my anxiety? I don't like black eyed peas. Never have...probably never will. I can cook up a batch of them with the best of them. I glow with the praise from my family of how good they are and what I good job I have done with them. I cringe as that spoonful gets closer and closer to my mouth.
If I don't eat them will I set myself up for a year of blessings denied? I don't think so. There are other traditions that I do enjoy partaking in that have the same premise behind them of bringing bright blessings and abundance for the year that I would much rather do.
So this year, while I have prepared the usual batch of black eyed peas my personal choice is to not partake of this tradition. I will covertly put some on my plate so as not to have to answer to why I didn't have any and listen to the lectures of those that truly believe in the custom and what I have set myself up for
Am I setting myself up for failure? Will my year be one of struggle? I don't think so. Being pressured into doing something I don't like and never have liked to me is setting myself up for things much worse.
So celebrate the New Year with that which rings true to you. I lift my glass and toast you in the spirit of the greatness of this New Year. And just to be on the safe side as you eat your black eyed peas, please add an extra one for me, just in case...........
Blessings and Light
Happy New Year
Golden Shadow
Nan