Change Your Mind and Change Your Life

Katharine Hepburn once said, “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” I agree. Many times I have made mistakes or not followed some rules, and the results have been just great!

For example, I am an artist; I enjoy painting in pastels, and several years ago I made this happy “mistake”: In order to paint the way I like, I needed to prepare a board with an acrylic base or “ground” as it is called. This “ground” was supposed to be diluted with water and then brushed onto a board or canvas and allowed to dry as a smooth, white surface. Well, I kinda did it my way. I did NOT dilute it enough, and I mixed an acrylic color into the white “ground”, therefore creating a heavily textured, colored base on which to apply my colors; definitely NOT what the directions on the jar of “ground” called for. Undaunted, I went ahead and applied my pastels and proceeded to create a landscape. The result was amazing! It was colorful and energetic and beautiful! I entered one of these paintings in a national magazine contest and was a runner up; my name was mentioned in the magazine, too! I still paint like that to this day with the same beautiful and always surprising results.

And what about bloopers and outtakes in film and television? Many of those are priceless and many are actually used in the final version of the production. Another time I broke the rules was when I was a designer. I was told something could never be done on the computer, and yet, I put my head down and did it anyway; I was one of the first to do so in my field and I broke a lot of ground doing so.

In order to create and discover, one needs to look outside the box of convention. One needs to ask "WHY NOT?" a little more often.You need to tap into your own gut instinct and make some mistakes; you might even break some rules and have fun along the way. Not all my mistakes and rule-breaking have had happy consequences, but it has enabled me to explore my capabilities; it has expanded my horizons and thus my possibilities. It has helped to make me fearless and very much empowered; which is GOOD because I know there are more rules to break and more fun to be had as I journey on! Why not!

By taking this path, so much can be gained!! When dealing with a situation that has been a longtime challenge and it seems you keep throwing good effort after bad, then it might be time to take TPOLR (the path of least resistance). For instance, my sister was always trying to REASON with our mother about things and trying to gain approval. BUT...our mom is just not reasonable (I love her though). There was never ANY way my sister was going to get through to her and get what she needed. My mom could just never be reasonalbe or give approval. It was like trying to get hot chocolate from a soda machine. My sister was just wasting her time and energy and was wondering what she was doing wrong. No matter how my sister worded things or what she tried, our mom deflected all reason and turned it into frustration and tears. Finally, my sister gave up and took TPOLR. It would have been insanity to do anything else. Now my sister is floating along happily. She never really needed what she was trying to get from our mom (approval-apology-acknowledgement); she found she didn't need it and is SSOOO much happier, I am pleased to say. And actually our mom is being more reasonable and affable now that she is not asked to be (!!!). So ask yourself what challenge has been frustrating you for a while? Stand back and ask yourself, "Do I really need it?" "Is there an easier way to get it?" "Can I try a back door approach or a gentler approach?" "Maybe stand back from the situation and see if TPOLR is the way to go. Maybe just try it and see if it works. Have fun!

Coincidences in my life range from me thinking of something and then seeing it or hearing it from an other source almost instantly, to me calling my friend and she is already on the line to me! A couple of the strangest ones recently were the repeated seeing and hearing an off-the-wall celebrity's name. I was watching TV and the name was said and then I looked at my computer screen and it flashed up on the page I was accessing (the celeb was not in the news). It also showed up randomly in a couple of other ways. One fun time I was walking down a hall in a building thinking to myself "I wish I had some fruit", and I turned the corner and some fruit was there for all to partake of. I think it was easy for these coincidences to manifest since I was not TRYING to make something happen and was not hung up on the outcome; I was passive and observant only. Larger coincidences and actual manifesting of things you truly desire can be had through this exact process: casually thinking or picturing it and then simply waiting for it to happen, making sure that you are NOT emotionally attached to its appearance. Try it; it's fun!

Years ago, I was in a relationship with someone I thought was THE ONE. He was exciting, smart, sexy and funny. He also had a heart. BUT...as per usual, things just didn't have the happy ending they have in the movies. While we are still friends somewhat, I guess emotionally I never got over him because I have recurring dreams featuring him where I am jealous, where he treats me bad, where he says one thing and does another, etc. YIKES!!! Who needs this!!???? But last night and for a few weeks prior, I have been having dreams where a NEW MAN comes into my life. Last night's dream was especially significant. My old guy and the new guy were both in the same room with me and I was sitting next to the new guy. While I felt drawn toward the old familiar guy in my dream (even though the old familiar meant pain, hurt, etc.), I remained seated next to the new. The new guy sidled closer to me, slipped his arm around me and began to flirt with me in French. I liked it! It felt GOOD to be attractive and wooed and flirted with (and foreign according to the symbolism of French). Meanwhile, OLD GUY just looked on and did nothing (his m.o. in real life). I actively chose to remain seated next to the new guy and allowed myself to feel good; to be the center of attention; to feel sexy and desireable. Unfortunately before things could get past the flirting, I woke up.
In real life, I am not with a new guy nor do I think these dreams mean a new guy is entering. BUT...I DO feel that I am working through the CRAP of the old and waking up to realizing that I need to choose the GOOD in order to be happy; that choosing the pain is UNHEALTHY. It is ALL choice. It isn't always easy, but why wouldn't we choose to be happy?? I am glad that in my dreams I FINALLY stopped torturing myself by running after this guy hopelessly; by making a date with him knowing he would break it, etc. I finally figured it out that I have THE POWER to CHOOSE.
So my advice is to just sit there and let the world, people, events be good to you. Allow yourself to be wooed; to have someone tell you how wonderful you are...in French! :)

The dream state is a very useful (and safe) place for us to work out our emotions, and once we realize that, the benefits increase. The emotions we repress or deny usually don't go anywhere. They are still there, under the surface, hooked into experiences that may have caused us pain or anger or grief. If in our waking life we choose to not deal with these emotions, they will sometimes make an appearance in our dream state. In my opinion, this is pretty healthy. It brings into your awareness these emotions so you can look them in the eye and say, "yeah, I guess I was really angry and hurt. I see I haven't dealt with it. I see it was just making me react angry and hurt at inappropriate times. I guess I better comes to terms with this harmful buried emotion before it does more harm to me and others."

Your dreams are giving you clues; dreams speak a whole different language, and each person has a different alphabet for that language. This means you are your own best interpreter of your dreams. So when you have an emotional dream, really ask yourself why you experienced that emotion in your dream. I recently had a series of dreams where I was yelling at my mother. Not a big stretch to figure out the problem no am I alone in that big boat, but upon closer investigation, the REASON I was angry was because even at my age, I was still letting her control and manipulate me. So who should I really be mad at? Me. Should I let it continue? No. I can CHOOSE not to let her influence me. Will she still try? Yes. But do I have to succumb. No. What did I learn? I have choices; and it is those choices that determine how happy I am in my life. Will I still do some things my mom wants me to? Yes, but I can't blame her for my anger or frustration if I make a conscious choice to do it. I can switch it up and say, "I like making my mom happy. She isn't controlling me; she just needs my help, and I like helping her." The dreams and their interpretation helped to transform the negative into a positive.

So dreams are not always a senseless jumble of visions, sounds and events. They can be useful tools on our path to growth and emotional freedom...if we choose.