The Angel's Loft

Broken Hearts & Broken Dreams.....

New Year, New YOU!

YOUR Relationship: Real or FAKE?

I admit, I've had a fake relationship. Everything about it was false - from the feelings I managed to manufacture, to the Hallmark cards expressing sentiments that I WANTED to feel, but didn't.

When my fake relationship was crumbling, yes - I cried. Why? I suppose because my fake relationship did not manifest into what I wanted so badly to be real. And, I desperately wanted it to be real. Alas, it wasn't. I recall receiving the obligatory phone calls and not being one bit excited when I heard his voice. "Did I want to have dinner?" *yawn* sure - no one else around, you'll do. "Did I want to go to a party?" *yawn* Oh, yah, so everyone else could observe how fake our interactions were - sure. Why not?

So as my fake relationship disintegrated into more nothingness, something inside of me awoke and started cheering. Yes, my heart felt lighter. No more lies, no more self-deception, no more telling someone that I hardly liked (let alone loved) that I "love you" (said with all the enthusiasm of "I need to do laundry"). No more opening trinkets that were bought on impulse and pretending that they were the greatest gift on Earth! Yippie!

Amazingly, as I released my fake relationship and focused on me, my desires, my needs, doing things that I enjoyed and asking the Universe to bring me someone of like-mindedness....guess what? It happened.

The Universe knows when you're in a fake relationship, and regardless of how much YOU want SOMEONE - if that 'someone' isn't true in your heart, all you get is more emptiness. If you aren't with a person that makes your toes tingle, and brings a smile to your heart (for the most part - hey, we all have crabby days), then release it. And, no - it's not better than being alone!

Wait for the real deal, and not only will your life be more fun and fulfilling - but you're rewarded with what TRUE joy feels like!

Jeopardizing YOU benefits WHO?

The sinking ship theory is that you are under the impression that everything is going South, yet you hang in there - refusing to see it. You bend over backwards, trying with all your might to swim in that sea of denial - that if ONLY you could do this or do that right, your significant other will suddenly snap to and his eyes will be wide open as to how great of a person you are.

You are but a mere shell of yourself, not quite understanding what it is that really brings you joy, but you feel deep in your heart that this just HAS to work. Afterall, you've invested so much into him - and now what?

Jeopardize your values, bite your tongue, don't say what is really on your mind for - um, for WHAT? fear that he is going to pull his disappearing act again? Eggshells hurt your feet. Seriously - so do razor blades, and you're walking on both. And WHY?

Is it the relationship you're going to miss, or HIM? Be honest with yourself. Yes, there are definitely parts of the relationship you will miss. But, honestly, are you going to miss being blamed for everything - that no matter what you do or say, it won't be good enough? Good enough for who? A person that doesn't appreciate you? That takes you for granted, that never even notices the little things you do ... and yet, if he takes out the garbage if you don't make a huge deal out of it then HE feels unappreciated.

Isn't it better to be alone than to try and hold your breath about saying something that may put him in a tale spin???? Where is the independet strong person you once were? Are you on an emotional vacation, and afraid to upset the apple cart?

Be the person you are. Please. If you're trying to squelsh that person, and be what you THINK HE wants - who is benefiting anyway???? Certainly not you!

Law of Attraction: ALIVE & WELL... oh, Really?

James Ray has just totally proved that the Law of Attraction is VERY much ALIVE and WELL AND is PROFOUNDLY POWERFUL! Hunh??? What??? (I know you're incredulously asking) "He *asked* for all that has happened? "

Well, basically - YES. But MOST Law of Attraction followers haven't dissected it deeply enough to understand the FULL impact. You see, most people that adopt the Law of Attraction are taking it at BASIC FACE VALUE from the airy fairy movie "The Secret" and just assume that if you "focus on good, then you attract good" or that "if you have good thoughts, then *bingo* you create GOOD things"... and if you "Think yourself into a great place and open your eyes, then wow - you're in a good place".....

The reality is that this puffy movie, The Secret, only brushes the whipped topping of the Law of Attraction.... what "The Secret" fails to mention or illustrate is that we are HUMAN BEINGS.... not robots that can "program" our minds only to focus on "goodies and financial wealth and all the pretty pictures" that the Universe has. As human beings, our minds are cluttered with REALITY... something that The Secret tells you to avoid.

The REALITY is that no matter how much we may *THINK* we are *thinking positive, pretty wonderful thoughts* in the deep folds of our minds, we are continually being fed things to the contrary. As these filter through our minds, they mix with all the pretty thoughts, and lo and behold - THERE IS NO PURE INTENTION! Seriously. How CAN there be?

Here's an example of what I mean... YOUR intention is to attract a partner in your life. You start to focus on all the attributes that you want... when there are other thoughts that trickle in... "but, I DON'T want an abusive partner".... "I want someone that is spiritual"...."but, I DON'T want a religious zealot".... "I want someone that is kind"..."but I DON'T want a doormat"....

Do you see that your ONE intention "I want a partner" is suddenly clouded with what you DO NOT want, therefore what PURE intention are you 'sending out' to the Universe?

The "Law of Attraction" is FLAWED in its presentation to the public. If YOUR THOUGHTS become THINGS, and "WHAT YOU RESISTS PERSISTS" - then you're going to get a grab bag of things handed to you. As human beings, do we really have the discipline to just stay focused for an indefinite amount of time on JUST ONE THOUGHT? I surmise that the answer to this is a resounding NO.

According to all that I've learned about Mr. Ray, his focus was HIMSELF, and how he could best utilize others (use) to achieve wealth. I believe this is known as "Greed". I could be wrong, but...

If ALL he thought about was money for himself, I am SURE that his "pure" thought "I want money" definitely was clouded with ONE fear "what if I don't have enough".... therefore, his focus was "lack based".... And, the rest of the story is clear - the more he feared, the more he created chaos, and the more chaos he created, the more chaos the Universe gave him until it finally reached the pinnacle of chaos at the cost of human lives.

One thing I am certain of, and that is that NO ONE can utilize a spiritual-based platform strictly for the sole purpose of generating millions of dollars - IF that person is unwilling to GIVE BACK. If all you do is feed the calf, it gets huge and explodes.

So, back to the Law of Attraction. I feel that there IS a Law of Attraction that sits dangerously close to the Law of Distraction - and side by side they balance us out. If we were robots, or say Droids, information in - information out- it would be easy. But we are not. We are Human Beings, and Divine just by BEING. When we disrespect any facet of our divine self, the Universe WILL remind us just how INSIGNIFICANT we are; especially if we get all puffed up with self-importance and God-Complexes.

The next time you don't think that Law of Attraction is working for you, don't get impatient or belittle it... evaluate exactly what it is that you are focused on. And, that is what you get.

What is it Lassie? Did Timmy Fall into the Well?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone had a personal interpreter on every date? I visualize it this way:

Two people silently having dinner, and their personal interpreters chatting away.

Communication. It’s so frustrating to understand what words mean. It’s doubly difficult when someone does not say what they mean and it comes out all jumbled up and you’re sitting there wondering “hmmm. Now what did that mean????” I get so many calls that ask me, “Jane, what did xyz mean when he/she said_______?” 

The fine art of communication is an ART. If you don’t understand what you’re being told, ASK. But, here’s the catch. There’s an ART in ASKING. Instead of “What did you mean by THAT?” – which immediately puts the other person on the defensive and makes them feel small and scolded… simply state, “What I understand you to mean by what you said is __________, is that right?” It opens the door for more clarification in your conversations. 

Fighting between partners is a given. We know when we enter a relationship that inevitably, there will be  fights, bickering or minor disagreements. The best method to prevent minor disagreements from escalating into major eruptions is to be mindful of the words you choose to use. The way to be mindful of your words is to keep your emotional barometer in check. Step away from your emotions, and step INTO your "analytical" center, and TRY not to take it personal. 

When major eruptions occur between partners, words fly and yes, it is very much like trying to interpret what your dog is barking about. Did Timmy really fall in the well, or does he just want a milkbone?

5 Simple Ways to a Second Date!

What not to do on your first date:

1.  Don't be a conversation hog. No one wants to sit through a litany of "me, I did, me, me, I did, I am, me, me, me" get it?

2. Don't interrupt your date in the middle of a story. Sure, you can relate and what your date is saying will trigger a memory that you'd like to share. Hold that thought. Allow your date to finish the story without you jumping in and telling your similar experience.

3.  Don't go overboard trying to get your date to like you. This is a mutual thing, and stop worrying if your date likes YOU, what do YOU think of your date?

4.  Don't talk about your past relationship and relay horrifying stories about it. Period. No ex talk at all. You're in the here and now, in this moment.

5. Don't talk about a future get-together or date. Leave it with, "great meeting you, let's do this again SOMETIME". If your date is truly interested (barring that 3-day "rule") you'll get a phone call or some kind of communication.

Most of all, be yourself when you first meet someone. If you're pretending to be someone that you're not, eventually who you are will reveal itself in one way or another. Have FUN! And, the most critical element of a first date is have NO expectations of anything. This includes pre-conceived notions that "This is "the one"" for you, or "This is going to be boring". The least you "expect", the more you receive!

If you're embarking on a first date, or even just getting to know someone, give me a call! We'll see what the potential is, and even tell you how it is going to go!

Sending you angels,
Jane
1-800-ASK KEEN, ext. Angel99

Is it Love...or is it Memorex?

For this scenario, I'm going to refer to the other partner as a "guy" only because it's easier for me to write so NO offense, please!  Now where was I? Ahem....Ok, so you and your guy have broken up. You are one mad woman. He cheated on you! He's a scum. He isn't fit for the human race! He can go jump off of a bridge.

A few days go by. You haven't heard his voice. You haven't received the daily calls that your day revolved around. You are wondering how he is doing. You almost miss his laugh. Oh, my word .... you DO miss him. You honestly miss his lying, cheating, two-faced little butt.

Now all you can do is cry and remember all the nicey-nice things he did...and the way he smiled at you... and the cutesy-cute way he gave you flowers one time, and look at the emails he sent you that were so full of love and promise...and, didn't you maybe over-react to him exercising a bit of liberty with another girl? After all, you're not married, and it was only once, right? And what is one time? He's only human.... Oh darn - in reflecting back, it really was a picture perfect relationship!

You call. Him. Of course, because he isn't calling you.

You get back together because you are gracious enough to forgive him, and you're still reeling from all the wonderful memories that the two of you shared and the LOVE that was so magnificent.

Then, something strange happens. He isn't respectful of you. He phones, but not when he says he will. He tells you that the two of you will get together, then he works late. Hunh? THIS isn't what you thought your relationship was!

And the key word is: WAS. What it WAS. What it is NOW is a memory. A good memory, if you can forget the lying and cheating.

"Memories... may be beautiful and yet, what's too painful to remember we simply choose to forget."  Who doesn't remember this classic belted out by the one and only Streisand? (If you don't, please don't email me and tell me "I don't know who you're talking about". I feel old enough today and I get a little cranky when reminded of how old I am....).

Is it HIM you are in love with, or are you in love with the MEMORY of your previous relationship??????

Merging Walls? TOP 5 Things you MUST Consider!

Your relationship has progressed to the point where you're ready to commit to moving in together...not quite marriage, but close enough, right? And, after all, this has been what you've wanted. You can visualize it now, even before it happens: a happy couple watching movies together, dining on gourmet dinners, spontaneous hugs and kisses... well, you get the idea. Ok, now for the reality. Before you make this step, here are 5 MUST consider AND DISCUSS items that absolutely need to be addressed before you so much as drop a box of your things at his/her apartment (or house).

1. Fiances. Tough subject to approach, yet it is imperative that you understand what YOUR financial obligations are. Are you splitting everything equally? Mortgage/Rent, food, bills, personal items, etc. At the checkout, do you divide that receipt completely in half? IF you feel that YOU are overwhelmed with too much of the financial burden, it is truly a fertile ground for breeding resentment.

2. Household chores. You're not moving in so that your partner gets free maid service, or a yard crew to keep the lawn mowed. Who is going to clean the house? Shared responsibility? Laundry? Do you each do your own, or is ONE person going to provide this? What about doing the dishes after dinner? What about making the bed, picking up stuff lying around the house? Point is, make a list of ALL household chores and assign it to either YOU, YOUR PARTNER, or BOTH. Make sure your list includes everything from taking out the garbage to creating a place for putting mail. You will be so happy you did.

3. Shopping. Yes, shopping. It's a huge dent in the timetable of your life, yet it needs to be done. Which of you is going to be responsible for ensuring that the list of items from the grocery store make it from the store to your cupboards? If your partner doesn't "care" what you purchase at the store, or doesn't care to provide any input as to what goes into his/her mouth, lucky you! Equally lucky you when that same partner complains that there is "nothing to eat" in the house. This task is something that MUST be assigned to someone - or BOTH of you!

4. Cooking/Meal Preparation This is a biggie. Does your partner just assume that food will magically appear every night? Who is going to prepare meals? Does your partner expect a huge breakfast? Are you going to be expected to make lunches in the morning as you both frantically get ready for work? Or, maybe you will be expected to prepare them the night before so they are READY when you both go to work? What about dinner? Does your partner expect a gourmet dinner every night - while he/she lays on the couch without assisting you in any way? When it's your partner's turn to cook (if you expect to take turns) are you getting a Lean Cuisine fresh from the microwave while he/she gets a 5 course dinner? OK, so you LIKE to cook - do you like it when it's EXPECTED that YOU do ALL the cooking? Again, determine what is ACCEPTABLE for you both. "If I cook, you clean" and on days that "you cook, I clean"....

5. Entertainment/Television. Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Jane, you're really grasping at straws here" HOWEVER, I assure you that when YOU want to watch Gray's Anatomy vs. Dog the Bounty Hunter you will totally REGRET NOT setting down television rules. MOST households have a minimum of 2 televisions, and with Hulu on computers, basically you can go watch whatever you want. Setting out who rules the remote will save you a ton of argument later down the road. Why? Because maybe the location of your other television set isn't as comfortable as the main one. Maybe your other T.V. is a 30" flat panel, and the main one is a 55" flat panel - well, you get the idea....

Moving in together can signify that you are both very committed to your relationship and making it work. It should be an exciting time and full of new adventures as you both take the next step with each other. Please, don't get so caught up in the fantasy of what it "will be like" without FIRST addressing the realities of life. If you talk about these things BEFORE you move in, it saves a ton of argument, resentment, and most of all NO confronting the issues AFTER you move in! Make it a GREAT Day!

What the ??? Where did THAT come from?

Attack. It comes from the depths of inner pain. When we are hurting so much, we assume tunnel vision. The only thing we can focus on is the searing pain that wells up within. And, given the opportunity, we unleash that pain full force at anyone that remotely stirs that pot.

In the heat of an argument so many times we lash out a verbal tirade at our partners. It could be innocently triggered by something as simple as "glad to see you're working on your attitude". Suddenly, you are time warping back to the days of a strict parent that says to you "work on your attitude!"  Let the attack begin.

I have people call and say, "I just can't believe the anger when he/she said such and such". The hard part is to assure the caller that it was NOT their fault, they are merely a conduit so the attacker could release the demons inside.

Many would look at this as Verbal Abuse.  If it is consistent and on-going, I certainly do. If this is the case, I ask you to examine:  Are you willing to love through your partner and be that person he/she can unleash on, releasing those inner demons one and a time?

If you ARE able to remove yourself from the equation and understand that it isn't YOU, then good for you! MOST are not able to absorb the intensity of a verbal attack without taking it personally. The natural human REACTION is to attack back and not "step back". Thus begins the attack-counter attack screaming volleys until one of you collapse in tears. The victor storms out, not having the compassion to even console YOU because their deep-seated pain has surfaced in the exchange.

After some time apart, the two of you get into a better place. Time has cleared the fog and cobwebs, and you both can see that you love each other. And, thus begins another cycle in your relationship.

Do the cycles ever stop? How long does it take to purge that inner pain? It really depends on how long it's been festering. Many times it will only assume a different complexion. A good example of this is when we lose a loved one. We may grieve over this loved one, and without realizing it, transfer this pain on top of what is all ready present. Your partner, or even a casual acquaintance, can innocently say something to you that strikes at the inner core of this pain, now crippled with even MORE pain, and you unleash a barrage of attacks.

The bottom line is to understand WHY the things that someone says to you trigger your reactions. The more that you are able to anticipate a *hot button* being pressed, the more you are able to diffuse the attack. Unfortunately, most humans react without pausing to think it through. And, we certainly don't stop long enough to ask, "what do you mean by this?".

I challenge you today to stop and ask yourself, "Why am I reacting this way to an innocent question or action?" Explore your inner being, and find the source of your pain. If you are able to locate it, then you are also able to understand yourself. In doing this, you are also on a path to healing that pain. Perhaps it does require your partner, or a friend, or even an acquaintance's innocent question or gesture to set you on a healing journey.

Sending you angels today!
Jane

Garage Sale Syndrome Explained

You're an ex for a reason. You started to find fault with everything that your partner was doing from slurping his soup down to wearing loafers from Wal-Mart. All of the tingles left the minute that you realized Mr. Wonderful turned into Mr. Wonder What I Saw in him. Stay the EX. Don't get a case of Garage Sale Syndrome.

Allow me to explain Garage Sale Syndrome. It is when you are finally cleaning out closets, and tossing things in a pile that you really don't need, but are of some value. After assembling all of your goodies together, you put reasonable price tags on them, and set them out in the garage (or yard) and invite the general population to pick through your once-treasured belongings. Suddenly, when someone decides that the red and yellow abstract painting is exactly what they are looking for, and gushes over how fabulous it is, you may have second thoughts. Perhaps it wasn't so horrendous after all? Maybe you are getting rid of it without really giving it a chance to fit into your decor? You reluctantly sell it, but continually have regrets over it, maybe even some guilt. (Would my Aunt Jenny come back and haunt me for selling this piece of art?) You may even want to track down the person that bought it and ask for it back, but the person says "No, it is perfect for me".

When your ex moves on, and is in a seemingly happy relationship, after you kicked him to the curb, be happy for him. Don't get "garage sale syndrome". Don't start calling after you finally remember the good times the two of you shared because you miss the relationship and more than likely not HIM, per se. Don't interfere with his shiny new relationship- remember it didn't fit YOUR decor/lifestyle. It just isn't fair to him or his new found love interest for you to suddenly change your mind and decide that you made an error in judgment. The loafers really weren't that bad, and slurping can be tolerated.  Leave it alone, and allow him the opportunity to move on.

When someone else values our discards that does have a tendency to make us re-think what was so bad about it? But, as an ex, you have no right to interfere and reclaim what you threw to the curb. And, face it, would you want an ex intruding in on your new find?

Avoid the Garage Sale Syndrome. You have to remember: It was in that pile of rejects that no longer served you for a reason.

Sending you angels,
Jane 

Office Romance.....Smart Move?

There's a saying that goes something like, "don't play in the same sandbox where you get your income".   I may have butchered that saying somewhat, but you get the idea. However, sometimes the oh-so-attractive person occupying the cubical a row away from yours is just too irresistible, and you can't help but be attracted to the potential of a relationship. It may start with a little flirting, a smile here and there; an act of kindness; chatting about work, then chatting about things that are personal for you both.

Just what are the pros and cons of an office romance?

1. PRO:   You get to see him/her everyday, and face it: intellectually he/she really turns you on because he/she is smart and quick to act when it comes to problem solving.

2. PRO:  Intellectually, the two of you are on the same page (for the most part) as your respective careers are important to each of you, thus you share the same work ethic.

3.  PRO: You may get more recognition at work, especially if he/she is a bit higher up on the corporate ladder, and he is subtly extolling your virtues, drive and ambition. More recognition can translate into a promotion and more money.

4. CON:  If you ARE getting more recognition simply because of the interaction with someone at work, another person you work with which may be more qualified than you, it will set the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy on fire.... turbulence in the work place.  

5. CON: MOST office romances TRY to keep things under wraps, it's the need to keep the personal life out of the spotlight. Corporate Executives tend to frown on distractions in the work place. If you're playing more than concentrating on your job it's definitely going to not only raise eyebrows, but it will put you under scrutiny as to whether or not you're actually performing well.

6. CON: If your person of interest is married - well, my advice to you is don't even go down that road. Yes, you see the side of him/her that the spouse isn't totally aware of, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have more in common. Work CAN be his/her refuge from an unhappy home life, but you need to hold off until the home life comes apart before jumping in.

7. CON: When the work romance breaks up, your job performance cracks, also. The LAST thing you want to do is talk among co-workers about what a jerk or whacko psycho your romantic interest was to you. If you BOTH do this, chances are you BOTH will be looking for a new job.

8: PRO: It can be fun, and give you an extra boost to look forward to going to work.

9: CON: How long will you be able to keep it at just a fun dating thing without getting so involved that it starts to take over all your thoughts, thus creating so much of a distraction you are unable to perform the job you were hired for? This holds true especially if you get into a spat on a day, say that you've got an important presentation to make?

I personally feel that the "cons" of office romances far outweigh the "pros". It is risky, and in these economic times, is it really worth risking your job? The office flirting is inevitable, and can be misinterpreted. What if he/she is just naturally flirty/friendly and just LIKES you, but doesn't want to take it further? There is plenty of room for resentment to breed.

My advice is to recognize that it's all right to engage in fun in the work place, maybe just to mix it up a bit from the intensity that can be present; but don't expect or want it to go too much further than this. Being chased around the desk isn't fun, especially at the cost of losing a job that you put your heart and soul into.

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I'm available for your calls today! Make it a great one!

Sending you angels,
Jane

This is a re-posting from 2009.

Reindeer Games

She's read the infamous "Why Men Love Bitches". He's read the man Bible "The Game" by Neil Strauss - all about "Pick up Artists". The two have locked antlers, and neither is willing to budge off their "game". Results? Frustration, and thus the cat and mouse chase begins.

According to her book that she embraces all of the anecdotes about "catching a guy" she will not initiate contact, it's HIS job to chase her.  According to his book, a great pick up artist always has women chasing HIM. No one budges.

But, I ask innocently, "do you LIKE her?" He THOUGHT he did. He was physically attracted to her, but interestingly enough, he didn't really care about that. What he was most concerned about was that his "game plan" wasn't working. He was so positive that Mr. Strauss' techniques were revolutionary and he could certainly get any woman he wanted armed with the knowledge presented in that book. And, this held true for the most part. Except what Strauss' book fails to mention is that QUALITY women are smart enough to recognize transparency when it's in front of her.

She, (The potential mate) on the other hand, is determined to be the "Bitch" and not cave into initiating any contact. She is hell-bent that she be that "alluring female" with "mystique". It's mysterious, all right. He doesn't really know much about you because you insist on limiting those phone calls to 3 minutes and then you have to get off the phone. You are focused on the "catch" but not comprehending WHO the "catch" is. You want the victory.

To be perfectly honest, you BOTH want the "victory" - but you don't even recognize what the prize is. Each of you is too caught up in sticking by your respective books, the "game" and holding the words in these books to be Gospel.

Is THIS how you want to "win" a relationship? Playing each other? While it's true and a fact of life that initially there is a little bit of a dating dance we all have to endure when we first meet someone, there is no need to take it to the level of  a ballroom production, lights action and camera focused so intense. Unfortunately, they both just may lose the best person that could enhance their  life. Why? Because of books that are written with a BIT of truth, and basically intended to bolster self-esteem. Unfortunately what "relationship books" like these offer the most is confusion for you and your prospective partner.

Oh well. Game on... or ... over?

Will update you on the progress....

Happy Holly Daze!

Sending you angels,

Jane

"Tis the Season to date Ben & Jerry's?

Having a hard time decking your halls? Is "Fa La La La La" really "blah blah blah"? Is the significant other in your life treating you insignificant - thus making it even more difficult to feel that Jolly Holly Day spirit?

Congratulations, you're not alone. Matter of fact, your lack of enthusiasm joins with millions of others that make this NOT the "most wonderful time of the year" but more like, "Tis the season to be dreaded". If the only men in your life are Ben&Jerry's, and you snuggle with them while curled up in a fetal position watching Lifetime movies, this is understandable. Of course this isn't a permanent fix, it's a temporary solution to a TEMPORARY time. Note, here that the emphasis is on TEMPORARY!

If you need answers, or a spiritual reading of what's coming up for you, give me a call. I have a reduced rate for you through December, and I will assist you in sorting it all out. Look FORWARD to new beginnings and new starts. And, although you may be experiencing an extremely testing time riddled with anxieties - together we can settle those down.

 

I send you angels,

Jane

Social Networks - It's a Dog Eat Dog World

My dog, Spike, had a twitter account. He was is in love with a Toy Poodle named Missy. I  tried to tell him that, as a long-coated Chihuahua, chances of him formulating a relationship with Missy  (that happens to be a top show dog) are slim to none. I tried to break it to him gently, so I wouldn't hurt his little feelings, however, he ignored me.

He was sure that once she saw his picture that he would get a shot at her. So, he pined away - tweeting at her, re-tweeting her tweets, and stayed in desperate hope that perhaps she would see him one day. 

Granted, Spike is a wonderful little dog; extraordinary to ME, however quite *ordinary* in the dog world. He will never be a show dog, he has his faults that judges can't overlook, but he is sweet and kind, and eager to be the best companion to me possible.

I tried to explain to him that those dogs in the show world are truly great dogs, but they have their own circle of friends that they are comfortable with, and a rather "ordinary" little dog isn't who Missy would socialize with, but she will give him a bark-out as a thank you for re-tweeting one of her tweets, or making a funny remark that makes her bark out loud (BOL in Doggie world).

He was following her every move on Facebook. He was quite consumed with who she "friends". One time he was so distressed over a top winning Pug named Tom, and  I could always see when Tom and Missy would have exchanged friendly banter. Spike would get so depressed.

I'm sure you can understand the shock and horror that struck Spike when he read on Missy's Facebook page something that dashed his little hopes for now. He was completely taken off guard by the announcement that Missy was in a Relationship with Prince, another top winning Toy Poodle, and they were expecting a litter soon. Spike couldn't eat for three days after seeing that. Where did Prince come from? He thought his biggest competition was the Pug, Tom.

Spike finally got off the computer for a few days, but the uncertainty drew him back. And, sadly, before I knew it, he was on that computer again for hours - checking Missy's contacts, wondering who they were, fretting over her soon to be born litter, getting upset over new friends of hers (he couldn't believe that she would be-friend a German Shepard - and so what if this GSD was the top winning German Shepard of all time).

Finally, I had to take some action. My loving little Spike was a shadow of the dog that he used to be. He wasn't eating, and I had noticed that there were Old Milwaukee cans around (Which, after all, is a beer fit for a dog). No wonder Spike was sleeping so much when he wasn't on the computer! He'd lost interest in walks, going camping, even visiting the old goats next door held no enthusiasm for him.

Time for an intervention!

Desperate times called for desperate actions. I gave away his MacDog computer. I took away his iPaw and deleted all of his downloads of Missy. Missy was a fantasy that was no longer just "cute". She was disruptive and interfering with Spike's life. He was delusional in his thinking that he could be more than just casual anipals with her. The shock of having Missy extracted from his life was a tough week. We got through it without too much incident.

I feel that he still fantasizes a lot about his "brush with fame" and he has February 14 & 15th circled on his calendar (The Westminster Dog Show) and I will let him watch it. His social networks have been  canceled, though, because it was feeding a fantasy in him that I knew wasn't healthy. It's one thing to be a fan, it's quite another to be obsessed and believe that more can spring forth.

I'm loving my "ordinary" doggie now that he's back to being Spike. It was a tough lesson for us both.

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I'm available for your relationship questions today, and will provide you with the answers you need!
Sending you angels,
Jane